Memory is a Gift

My last several postings have been chapters from my book, "A Promise Kept", telling the story of my experiences with brain cancer.  Previous to those chapters, my postings were written mostly in the third person (to give a unique approach).  This posting is in the first person and others to follow will likely be the same.

How fortunate I am that the brain cancer did not negatively effect my memory!  I am thrilled that I can remember so many details of my life...a life filled with exhilarating experiences, profound discoveries, amazing historical happenings and a thrilling spiritual journey with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit!  As I look back over 78 years I realize how fast time goes by.

Memories of my role as a flower girl in my Aunt Muriel's wedding when I was five years old are as real as if they happened yesterday! I still remember the scene in the bridal shop.  The proprietor made a fuss over me as material was chosen for my dress.  She even cut a swatch of pink satin for me to fashion a dress for my doll.  On the wedding day I carefully chose rose petals out of the brown straw basket I carried down the aisle, aware of smiling faces peering at me, and tossed the petals on the white satin carpet.

It was back in the 1940s that I remember sitting on the curb at the corner of Roosevelt Avenue and Highland Place as a pre-schooler, watching for my brother to come home.  We were always delighted when the "cookie lady" invited us in for an after school fresh baked cookie.

Growing up on Grand Avenue in Ridgefield Park, NJ, I could view the very top of the Empire State building several miles away in New York City.  Wonderful memories of those eventful years including cheerleading, bike riding, roller skating, climbing trees, singing and dancing in my own backyard, selling greeting cards to all my neighbors, babysitting the Green family on the corner, walking home alone at night from a High School basketball game without being afraid, (in fact walking everywhere!), listening to the fifteen minute radio programs, the excitement of watching television for the first time, picking up the black shiny telephone and responding to the operator's "Number please", constantly playing outside until hearing my dad's distinctive whistle calling me home.

Of course, more memories....High school activities, romances, dances, proms, the Honor Society, concerts, Methodist Youth Fellowship, ice cream at Wrede and Koops, movies at the local Rialto Theatre, honors, awards, meeting Eleanor Roosevelt, summers at Cape Cod.  Then college memories...elected VP of freshman class at Hope College, Dorian Soriority, homesickness, more romances, no car so I walked everywhere, train rides to NJ for vacations.  Entering Columbia-Presbyterian Hospital in NYC for BS in Nursing degree program, riding NYC subways, waiting in line all night for 'standing room only' to see Julie Andrews and Rex Harrison in the hit Broadway production of My Fair Lady, more romances, working evenings alone on 12 bed ward and experiencing the death of a patient, walking along Ft Washington Ave and peering at the sky knowing the Russians had just launched 'Sputnik', the thrill as a nursing student of witnessing the birth of a newborn (Wow!), loving and caring for children and adults as they suffered through a debilitating illness.

The breathtaking excitement of really falling in love with 'the one' - Dick, getting engaged and celebrating a Christmastime wedding with a honeymoon in Nassau.  Then the joys of holding our babies, years of parenting (crazy busy years) through toddler, school age, teen years, then college! Then the 4 children's weddings, establishing their working careers and then arrival of 12 blessed grandchildren.  Lives so full and accomplished!

Of course, all this time both Dick and I were immersed in our own careers...Dick as teacher then elementary school principal plus all his additional community, county and state professional responsibilities.  I had my musical, singing career with 1,000 plus concerts over 7 years across the USA, Canada, Japan, Bermuda, Mexico City and Hawaii.  Busy, busy lives and precious memories.

I am convinced our physical, earthly life is a time of learning...a school where we make decisions that effect our eternal life.  Now as I look back over 78 years, sure, I made a lot of stupid, self-centered, prideful mistakes.  But I now rejoice that I have learned so much about God!  Thinking of God when I was a young girl as Someone who loved me, who protected me and who gave me Jesus.  I am thankful my loving parents encouraged my walk with Jesus and I am thankful my walk continued and drew me closer to the Lord.  I am thankful that Jesus loves me and forgives me even when I'm going against His will.  And then, most importantly, I know that I must acknowledge my sinfulness and come to Him on my knees with head bowed! Learning those powerful attributes about God and remembering them, gives me assurance of eternity with Him.

Since memories are very real to us in our minds, are they part of our soul?  Will we carry memories into eternity?  Philip Yancey gives me some answers...."heaven promises a timeless future of health and wholeness and pleasure and peace".

I just wonder.  Our sweet, joyous memories are indelibly written.  Why wouldn't God want us to keep our happy memories?  Our memories are intangible...we can think them, but we can't touch, feel, smell, taste or see them.  Memories are real!  They are a recording of our life.  Won't we be taking them with us to our heavenly home?

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting."  Psalm 139:23-24

A Promise Kept - Chapters 9 and 10

                                              CHAPTER NINE

                              THE LOON SONG RINGS IN OUR EARS

                                                   Proverbs 20:7

“The righteous man walks in his integrity; His children are blessed after him.”

As I look back on those first weeks in Upstate Hospital, I am overwhelmed by the dedication, support and love showered on me by my family.  Every day, except the few days Dick traveled to our place in Canada for maintenance projects, he was at my bedside.  Every day!  Here is a guy who passionately loves our place in Canada, active and athletic, in super physical shape, always doing something physically challenging, who spent four months sitting at my bedside. 

He fed me, toileted me, encouraged me, prayed with me, brushed my teeth, and never complained.  He was my protector, companion, caregiver, friend and devoted husband.  Even though I had trouble speaking, looked like an old sick woman, grew whiskers on my face due to the steroids, had unkempt thinning hair, no make-up, and probably smelled sometimes, yet he still continued to love me!  I smiled a lot for him because I knew my smiles comforted him. I realized how much he gave up for me.  I would sometimes ask him why he stuck with me. 

Dick’s answer was always the same. “I said ‘I do’ over 50 years ago.  Why should I opt out now?  I love you and I want to do everything possible to help you get well.  I have no intention of leaving you.”  God was in our marriage!

Another positive attribute of Dick is that he was a teacher and elementary school principal in our town in New Jersey plus a swimming instructor and lifeguard during the summer months.  His skills as a teacher and swimming instructor have been invaluable to me in my recovery.

Our son and three daughters proved devoted to me and tirelessly helped me.  Both Carin and Diana (both teachers, so their summers were flexible) drove and flew several times from Michigan.  Carin’s husband, Kurt and their children Jacob, Hannah and Jared had to tolerate Carin’s absence.  Diana’s husband, Dave, and their children Katherine, Danny and Will had to make the same adjustments.  Beth, who lives in the Adirondacks with her husband Bruce, changed her work schedule and their girls, Kirsten and Caroline, had to be independent.  Glenn, his wife Stephanie, and their four young children, Grace, Emily, Luke and Sophia showed incredible love as I invaded their home between chemos.  I realize the sacrifices the entire family made.

Beth, Carin and Diana took turns staying in my hospital room at night.  Here I was, an extrovert who thought nothing of singing solos and speaking before thousands of people, afraid to be alone in my hospital room at night!  My illness definitely affected me psychologically, emotionally, and physically.

Glenn could not stay overnight because of his new job but he stopped in frequently during the day and evening to give me words of encouragement and hope.  And, of course, Stephanie had these family members staying overnight in the midst of four young children and Glenn starting a new job.  A lot of stress and tension for everyone, but it made me realize how much my children loved me.  I even asked myself,  “Would I have done the same for my mother?”

One night shortly after I told the girls that I was okay to be alone at night and they should stay home and get a good night’s rest, I had a drug reaction.  I had asked for a sleeping pill, something I had never taken before. I had such difficulty sleeping at night I thought that medication would help.  Well, I sure know now why I don’t take sleeping pills! 

I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night with a bad dream.  The “Ricotta” army was in battle with the “Manicotti” army!  These warriors of pasta, cheese and spaghetti sauce fought in my bed.  How absurd, and how silly.  But it upset me so much that I begged two night nurses to stay by my bedside until the fears went away.  Later on when I told the family, we all had a good laugh.

In mid-summer Dick went north with Carin for a couple of days to work on some maintenance projects on our property in Canada.  He enjoyed the lake and the peace and joy that we always shared.  After all the anxiety of my illness and the possibility of my dying, Dick had suffered emotionally.  He was overjoyed to go back to Canada. 

He shared a personal note with me after he returned.  “The loons were so wonderful, singing and calling all night…  I wept when I heard them,” he said.

                                                       CHAPTER TEN

                                                THE LIGHT OF JESUS

                                                             John 1:4

                               “In Him was life, and the life was the light of men.”

Toward the end of July I felt led to write a blog on Carepages.  I did not have the energy physically to type it myself, so Dick helped out by typing my words for me.  The mental fatigue from this experience was a shock to me.  Writing had never been difficult for me and I always had the ability to adequately express myself.  This first blog took a precious amount of time, but I did it.

Mom's first blog

Posted Jul 24, 2010 4:00pm

Dear family, friends and lovers of Jesus,

This is the first blog that I am able to dictate with my husband, Dick, writing it. Thank you all for your LOVE, KINDNESS, and CHRIST's friendship. As you know, Jesus reached out to me in my illness. HE is continuously doing wonderful miracles for me. For example last evening (July 23) the floor was unusually noisy and quite busy and ---lots of (pee) calls by everyone. Listening carefully the floor became unusually quiet.... I was praying for each patient’s wellness. After the floor quieted down the night nurse commented on the peacefulness. She had never known it to be so quiet.

I have a light that shows brightly in my prayers. The light is JESUS! I feel that light stroking faces and making people love Him.

Keep praying for all the chemo patients on this floor (10th floor at Upstate Hospital). I am privileged to be here! I will continue to pray for you.

I love you ALL! JESUS is the answer!!!      Love, Janet

The family had brought in a CD player so I frequently spent my night hours listening to music.  Much of it was familiar praise music, my own CD of Janet and Jane music and also Josh Groban.

This one particular night, I was feeling pretty good and listening to Josh Groban.  So as his clear, steady tenor voice filled my room, I moved my left hand in time to the music, in a director’s stance.  The night nurse came in the room to take my vitals and we both laughed.  How I enjoyed that music.

Over the next few days, the doctors began monitoring the steroid medication and fluid intake carefully because of my sodium levels.  The family was kept informed but I just went along with the doctor’s decisions.  When you are that ill and incapacitated, you can’t fight ‘city hall’.

I was also under daily physical and occupational therapy.  There were days when I was so drained physically I struggled to move.  But that inner determination would not give up as I followed the therapist’s directions.

Beth described one of these sessions.

Right before Dr. M.'s visit, 3 women with OT & PT had come in to work with Mom (because, of course, in the hospital it seems like nothing is happening and then *BAM* Everyone has to come in at once). The women all waited for Dr. M. to leave and then helped Mom with some walking practice. It takes one on each side, both of them talking Mom through each step and each helping her push her right foot forward to get Mom to walk.

Today they walked across the room to the door, turned around and walked back to the chair - stopping to take a break in another chair halfway back. They were happy with her progress - and told her she did much better than Friday. After the walk, they helped Mom to stand and then had her play Connect 4(card game) while standing. Combining those 2 things takes tons of effort!

As I have mentioned, the staff at the hospital were super.  The family all agreed that Oncology nurses have special gifts of caring.  Beth mentions one example.

For the past few days, Mom's been very lucky to have an extra wonderful nurse, Amanda. Yesterday she was here with Mom for a double shift: 7am-11pm and this morning she was back at 7am! Amanda has been so fantastic, patiently explaining all the drugs and procedures and really listening and spending time chatting with Mom. We are continuously so impressed with everyone here at the hospital - if you've got to be in a hospital this is the place to be!

My hospital room became a decorated wonder.  Over 200 cards wallpapered the walls and several ‘prayer blankets’ kept me warm and cozy.  Beth described the following.

When I came in this morning, I brought a couple packages with me that had arrived for Mom. She received another beautiful prayer shawl from my mother-in-law and the prayer shawl committee at her church. The other package from good friends, the Wojciks, contained a beautiful blanket decorated with photos of the family and scenes from the lake in Canada! Mom insisted that she have the new shawl on her lap and the blanket laid out on the bed for everyone to see when they come in - there is always a parade of nurses, doctors, and staff coming in all day long.

I was led to be prayerfully concerned about the other oncology patients.  I received so much love and support from Jesus that I wanted other cancer patients to experience that also.

Mom has asked me to tell all of you about the JOY she has every night praying for everyone in Oncology at University Upstate. She prays for all the patients to see the light of Jesus every night. Every night there is more peace and the entire floor gets quiet. Mom sees the light of Jesus beaming down upon everyone at the hospital. All the nurses love Mom and enjoy her positive attitude. The nurses come into Mom's room and talk about Jesus. They all say how there is a certain peace and beauty in Mom's room.

Mom is scheduled to receive more chemo tonight and they will boost it 3X's from before. Her outlook is great! We will keep you all posted.

Glenn

My chemo continued on a regular 2 week schedule.

Mom just asked that I write that the whole time she was receiving the chemo, she saw the Light of Jesus!       Beth

Toward the end of July, the Oncology case manager came and talked with me.  She outlined the plans for me to go the Rehab on the 2^nd floor of Upstate Hospital.  She also mentioned that I would start spending time at Glenn’s house between chemos in September and October.  The thought of finally leaving the hospital for short times overjoyed me.  As a nurse I realized the gravity of my physical illness considering I remained a patient in the hospital for six weeks.  Actually, the total time I spent at Upstate was four months with two short breaks in September and October.  But as of the end of July I didn’t know that yet.

The case manager was a lovely caring woman.  I shared my story with her about my dream/vision on May 26.  She responded with tears in her eyes that she was greatly moved by that vision and added that she then understood why I had physically improved beyond the medical prognosis.  It was another indication to me of how powerfully God was healing me.

Toward the end of July I began to experience real progress in my walking.  I could actually move my leg!  Considering how helpless I was right after the biopsy I rejoiced as I began to see physical changes.

Janet's latest blog-Thursday

Posted Jul 30, 2010 10:12am

Something happened today--there was a change! I believe in a physical healing. God has brought many miracles to my body in the last two weeks. But today my therapist, Vicki, convinced me that I could do it! You see, God promised these wonderful physical healings in the body. But He wants us to do our little part every day. By working with science we learn to wake up the body little by little. That's what I am doing! It's still spiritual and I still see the LIGHT of JESUS' love in my picture dream. But now He is transforming my energy to what He knows I can do myself. I truly believe that He is going to work me out of here by the fall--or earlier! He is an awesome God and we are going to watch Him work. Please keep praying! I have established the most wonderful group of friends and professionals. Their knowledge is superb. I have been at the heart of God and He has been the most privileged life experience.

God has so much for us and all He wants us to do is LOVE Him! His love is everything! HOLD HIM IN YOUR HEART!

Wednesday night, two night nurses came to me separately and told me how they loved coming into my room while I'm sleeping and observe my smiling face on the pillow -- they receive calmness and energy!

Love,  Janet

A Promise Kept Chapters 7 and 8

                                                CHAPTER SEVEN

                              GOD IS THE CREATOR AND THE HEALER

                                            Matthew 7: 7-8 

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

On July 14, the ophthalmologist visited me regarding my right eye.  The brain cancer had affected the right side of my body (left sided brain injury), so even my ear, eye, and mouth were giving me problems.  My right eye would not close, even when I was sleeping, and this was a health hazard because the eye needs to close for protection and blink for lubrication in order to function properly.

The ophthalmologist was concerned.  He ordered eye drops and said he would check back to see if things improved.

My right ear also had problems, not painful, but very annoying.  For several months my ear kept clicking and I felt as if there was fluid blocked in my ear.  It sort of felt the same as ‘swimmers ear’.  My ear finally cleared up in November (5 months later) when an ear specialist removed wax from the right ear canal.  What a relief that was.

Another problem was the inability to move my tongue to the right side of my mouth.  Consequently, food particles would lodge on the right side and I could not dislodge them.  It was amazing to me how the most fundamental, ‘take for granted’ movements became impossible to perform. And to think that this was caused by the trauma in the left thalamus of the brain. Our bodies are so intricate and amazing.  It again made me realize the magnificent, detailed human bodies fashioned by our Creator. 

I started the chemo that night and was curious as to how I would feel and what reactions I would have.  Carin summed up the situation:

Mom had a wonderful night last night. She stayed up the whole four hours of the chemo treatment and insisted on sitting up in the chair for the last 1/2 hour. The nurse commented that she couldn’t remember a time when a patient wanted to witness the final drops of a chemo IV! We praised God as the bag became empty! She also said that the image of Jesus was kissing her through the night. Wow! We sure have a faithful Savior!

Eye doctor just came for a visit. He is concerned with her right eye because it is unable to close all the way. It is more irritated today than 2 days ago. Please pray that the nerves heal and she is able to close that eye before any damage can occur. She has an incredible joyful attitude. The nurses have commented how she is a pleasure to work with because of her great mindset.

-Carin

The doctors gave me a new drug the next day that worked closely with the chemotherapy, methotrexate.  Over the next few days Beth, Carin, Diana, and Glenn all made some comments:

Mom has been given an IV with the drug Rituxan that will continue to help kill the cancer cells using her own healthy b-cells. This drug actually puts a target on the cancer cells so healthy cells know to attack and destroy. Amazing! She is doing very well. She is being monitored VERY CLOSELY because of side effects. The nurses had to take vitals every 15 minutes. But all is well. The physical therapists walked her out to the hallway and back. She was able to swing her right foot forward most of the time with assistance. Please specifically pray for her right side to heal and be able to function normally.

While sleeping, she dreamed Jesus handing her flowers from His garden. Thousands and thousands of flowers. She was sobbing with tears of joy.

-Carin

Continued healing

Posted Jul 16, 2010 9:48am

When I came in this morning, Carin and Mom showed me how she is now able to fully blink and close both eyes... a huge improvement! Mom also moved her right arm twice! She has a splint on her right leg and is even able to lift it with this extra weight. Thank you so much for your targeted prayers on having her regain strength on her right side. Please keep praying! Mom is so touched by the many people who have become involved in her healing. Everyone is amazed at how well she is doing with her chemo. So far, no side effects!

-Diana

A new dream last night was she was STANDING BY HERSELF out in the hall and the nurses behind the desk and around it were looking at her with mouths wide open. She could also see angels surrounding the whole place! When she told the nurse about it the nurse answered "I think you could eventually do that" Mom answered, I WILL do that! Jesus has been so good to me!  Matthew 21:22 And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive!

Blessings to everyone and BELIEVE!

-Carin

Posted Jul 18, 2010 8:39pm

It is amazing how Mom is improving day by day. I recently traveled to Boston this week for my new job and was forced to be away for 3 days. Seeing Mom on Friday, Sat and Sun this weekend (July 16-18th) has been a huge testimony on how positive attitude, prayer and belief in the power of God can heal all things! For those of you that are reading this and not seeing Mom in person I want everyone to know that Mom is improving fantastically. Just ask the opthamologist who said...."that the healing in her right eye has been a miracle." Thank you so much for your prayers, cards, gifts and messages. What we are witnessing here in Syracuse-University Upstate Hospital is a true Miracle.

-Glenn

It's been almost 2 weeks since I've seen Mom and I'm so impressed by how much better she looks! The first thing she did was showing me how she can close both eyes now! She also was very excited to show me how much her smile has improved. I've also noticed how much better her color is - she no longer looks drawn out and pale like she did when I left a couple weeks ago.

-Beth

                                               CHAPTER EIGHT

                          WHAT A JOY TO KNOW THE HOLY SPIRIT!

                                                    John 6:63

                                    “It is the Spirit who gives life.”

                                          

When I was a young girl, probably about seven years old, I had a wonderful vision.  I was standing in the clearing of woodland.  The sun shone down on me in beautiful rays so that I stood there amazed.  A warm feeling came over me and as I looked up it was as if the heavens opened sending down God’s presence on me.  I have never forgotten that picture.  In fact I wrote about it when I was in the 8^th grade in Ridgefield Park, NJ and as a result won The Barbier Award for Teenage Success for that submission.

God has always been in my life and I’ve always looked for His leading.  So when this illness hit me, God was not new to me.  I had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ since 1971 when we had a Lay Witness Mission at our Wyckoff Reformed Church in NJ.  Led by chairperson and friend, Skip Nagelvoort, a team of lay people from other churches visited our congregation and shared how Christ had changed their lives.  We heard testimonies that weekend we had never heard before.  The evangelistic team poured love upon us, unlike anything we had ever experienced.  When I witnessed the kind of love that radiates on people’s faces and out of people’s hearts, I wanted it too! 

On Sunday morning that weekend during both services two thirds of our congregation walked to the front of the church to give their lives to Christ!  In fact, the entire choir, about thirty, without plan or prompting, filed out of the choir loft to stand in the front of the church for Jesus!  It was an historical event for our church.

As I learned over the years, a person starts a close relationship with the Lord, but great growth takes place in subsequent years through Bible study and prayer.  Several small groups began intense Bible study and prayer following the Lay Witness weekend, in order to further our understanding of what it meant to be a Christian.

So here I was, in the hospital, facing a serious, possibly deadly illness, and yet I knew God was with me.  It was a certain revelation.  God gave me such a strong vital faith during that time that I knew without a doubt that His presence filled me. 

I frequently had moments when Jesus appeared at my bedside and spoke to me and stretched out His arms to me.  Yes, Jesus stood by my bed and by looking at Him I knew I would be lovingly cared for.  He stood there wearing a flowing white robe, His presence radiating light.  His arms reached out to me as if He was embracing me and I would hear a soft whisper, “Do not be afraid.  I am here for you.” The chemotherapy was emotionally frightening, knowing these chemicals were flooding my body.  Yet I would see Jesus and the fear left.

About a week after my brain biopsy I had a visit by the ophthalmologist.  He was very concerned because I could not close or blink my right eye.  He ordered drops and promised to return to check on me.  A few days later he returned, prepared to operate on my right eye to force the blinking.  He entered my room and stood there shocked as I smiled and blinked my eye.  I had successfully blinked within the past 24 hours and I knew he would be pleased.

The eye doctor stopped in his tracks and stared.  “You can blink!” he exclaimed.  “I can’t believe this.  Why, this is a miracle!”  At that point his feet did a quick dance step and he grinned with joy.  “Do you realize that I was prepared to do a surgical procedure?  Your eye was in serious trouble because of your inability to blink.  Yes, this is truly a miracle.”

I laughed with him, overjoyed at what the Lord was doing with my life.  Again He had poured out His grace and mercy upon me.  I knew the Lord had a job for me to do.

I began to pray for the other cancer patients on the floor. One night there were disturbing sounds of someone crying, someone moaning and someone confused with loud disturbing words.  I lay in my bed and prayed.  If the Lord ministered to me, certainly He would help and comfort others.  Later that night the floor grew quiet and I praised God for His love.

At about 6:00 in the morning a few days later, the night nurse offered to take me outside for a breath of fresh air.  I was thrilled.  Here it was late July and I had not been outside for over a month!  I always loved the freedom of fresh air, the broad sky above, the sweet smell of dirt, the bright colors of fresh blooming flowers, the sounds of birds and bees.  And that morning this thoughtful, caring nurse chose to take me through all the long passageways of the hospital and out to a roadside display of petunias; bright blooms on a still sleepy street, awakening to the warm mid-summer sunshine.  I felt blessed.  For over 20 minutes I breathed in the early morning fresh air.  It reminded me that God’s world, in all its natural beauty, was created for us to enjoy.  What a magnificent Creator we have!

By the middle of July my hospital room was decorated with over 200 cards.  I was overwhelmed with the response of friends and family who cared enough to send me thoughtful cards usually with a message of hope and love.  Dick started taping the cards on the walls.  The staff commented on the number of cards, amazed at the outpouring of support. 

Two of the night nurses visited me at separate times and told me how my room had become a refuge for them.  They shared with me how they would come quietly into my room when I was sleeping and spend a few moments.  They each reported how my room radiated a sense of peace and love they could not find elsewhere.  The Lord was there in my room.  His presence not only blessed me but others as well.

Every day I saw a host of doctors as they made their rounds.  One week a neurologist stopped by my room.  He rarely smiled and never laughed.  Just as the doctors had completed their assessments, I said directly to the neurologist, “Why don’t you ever smile? You really should.”  All the doctors suddenly stopped in their tracks and turned and looked at him.  The neurologist paused, looked at me and gave a shy genuine smile.  I laughed as they all left the room. 

Later that week I was awakened from a nap and looked toward the door.  The same neurologist was standing there all alone.  I smiled at him and he nodded.  Later on he appeared again and orally gave a report on the condition of my brain.  He was the only doctor in the room.  I felt very touched as he reported I was going to be in good condition.  Then he took my hand and spoke words of deep compassion and tenderness, his eyes communicating love, “Thank you for being my friend.”  I smiled and responded, “You are my friend too.”

Early on, when I was on steroids, which must have been during the first weeks of my hospitalization following the brain biopsy, I became very confused.  The nurse asked me simple questions and I couldn’t even tell her my name.  Two of my doctors appeared quickly and there was much discussion between them.  They seemed a little more relieved after they gave me some medication and I was able to recall my name, but Dick and Carin were in the room with me and they became very upset.

Dick left to get some rest at Glenn’s and Carin stayed with me for the night.  She was emotionally frightened and crawled onto my bed to lie next to me.  I held her with my left arm, soothing her by saying, “Everything is going to be all right, Carin.  Jesus is here and he’s taking care of us.”  I was comforting my child when she was frightened, just like the mother I still was.