WHERE IS TRUTH?

Is our culture filled with truth these days?  Do we hear truth spoken?  Is truth vital for our living?  Do we ourselves speak truth?  Do we believe in truth?

When I was 5 years old and a kindergarten pupil in Roosevelt School, Ridgefield Park, NJ, I remember being very naughty one day.  I punched a classmate, Barbara, in the stomach!  Why?  I have no idea why, but probably my self-centered immature personality decided to do something wrong that day.  Well, Barbara's mom went to the teacher and reported my bad behavior.  Of course, my Mommy found out and she proceeded to question me.  I stood there very scared and totally denied that I had punched anyone. I recall thinking, Mommy thinks I'm such a good girl, I don't want to spoil that thinking.  I struggled with my denial for two days.  Finally, in tears, I confessed my bad deed.  Mommy took me in her arms.  "Janet, thank you for admitting the truth.  I had a feeling you had done that to Barbara, and I'm relieved you have told the truth.  Never forget, Janet, no matter what you've done, always tell the truth."  Those words have stuck in my mind all these 80 years!  Yes, always tell the truth.

Why is truth important?  Who told us truth is important?  When I think about it, I am reminded we all have a conscience, which, according to Webster's dictionary, "tells us the right or wrong of one's acts or motives".  Therefore, do we want to do right, do we want to speak right?  As a citizen of this USA, as a mother of 4 adults, as a church member, as a neighbor and friend, yes, I want to live right, do right, speak right and tell the truth.  Listen to our conscience to tell us right from wrong.

When we don't tell the truth we mislead our constituents, our families, our neighbors and friends to follow down the wrong path.  Truth is magnificently stressed in the Bible because God wants us to tell the truth.  If we love our families, our friends, our neighbors, why would we want to lead them down the wrong direction in living lives and making decisions.

We also want to know when we hear distortions of truth to be able to have the discernment to know they are lies and we will absolutely not accept them.  Following lies, believing lies, will lead us to destruction.  As we live in this fallen world, we must be vigilant to follow the truth.

Where do we find the 'real' truth?  Who is the giver of 'real' truth?  The Bible and God.  Isaiah 45:19b  "I, the Lord, speak the truth, I declare what is right."  John 1: 14. "The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.  We have seen His glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."  2 Timothy 2:15  Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

Where is truth?  Truth is found by listening to God.

Death is part of life

Death entered our family lives again last week when our dear, beloved son-in-law, died from kidney cancer.  We were prepared, we knew, but the shock of finality, of death, is painful and I grieved heavily.    On May 8, 2021 we finally held our Memorial Service for my husband, Dick, who died on May 6 of 2020 at age 90.  Remember, everything was postponed, delayed and canceled because of Covid. But we finally had closure only weeks ago.  Here I am again dealing with the grief that accompanies news of death, especially with a close family member.  This grief is even more painful because our son-in-law was only 55.  He had a long life ahead of him with his wife and family.  But, why do we believers grieve?  We know our loved ones who believe in the Triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit will live in paradise for all eternity.  Grief is because we who survive will desperately miss our loved ones.  We grieve because of our loss.

Our culture doesn't help us regarding death.  Think about it.  Do we easily have an ordinary conversation about death? Do we ignore death? Do we even deny death?  But death is part of life.  Every human being will at some point die.  Our life span these days can be 90 plus years, but our bodies age, our bodies even decay at some point.  Why do we deny death?  If we know we are going to be in a totally different place some day, don't you think it would be wise to read all about that place, ask questions about that place and totally prepare for death?  But how much time do we take to think about eternity in heaven.

Another problem our culture has these days.  Our lives are being extended.  Medical science has discovered myriad ways to keep us alive.  Over 100 years ago, people just died.  Now modern medicine doesn't let you die. We have availability to purchase tons of pills and medical devices that help us breathe, control our heart rate, clean our lungs, digest our food, help us walk, enable us to struggle living alone, and extend our physical lives for years.  But what eventually happens?  We all die.

Do we then become afraid of dying?  Or do we approach the idea of death legally and responsibly.  If we feel that our culture doesn't want us to die, even if we are comatose, what do we do?  What I did.  I made decisions. I did not want to be kept artificially alive so I signed legal papers to make sure my family and my medical caregivers would know what to do.  We all must be aware that life and death issues must be handled legally and that means signatures.  Our lives have become so complicated we must make decisions now before we become physically unable to do so.

The Bible gives us proof that heaven will be a glorious place.  Jesus has gone before us to prepare a place.  How wonderful, how glorious.  Jesus said, "Let not your hearts be troubled, believe in God, believe also in me.  In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And when I go to prepare a place for you, I will come again and take you to myself, that where I am you may be also." John 14: 1 - 3.  Also, Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me." John 14: 6.  Yes, Jesus emphasizes that belief in Him is critical for all of us to enter heaven.

Why should we worry about death, why should we be afraid of death, and why should we ignore talking about death?  When we believe in Jesus as our Savior, Redeemer and Son of God let us rejoice that our eternal life after death will be with God in paradise.  We rejoice that our beloved Dick and son-in-law are in heaven now living with our Creator and Redeemer in the glory of the New Jerusalem......"The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it.  The Lamb is its light." Revelation 21: 23.  AMEN!

I LOVE AMERICA!

I'm sure we all remember Kate Smith singing with her rich voice, "God bless America", written by Irving Berlin.  How many glorious times do we remember that song being sung at sporting events all across the USA.  Yes, a song that made us proud, a melody that made us rejoice as we stood together at various events with our friends and neighbors of different backgrounds, our hearts rejoicing in our free country. That song still makes my heart sing.

Our country went through some tough times back in the 40s when we fought in World War II.  But as dangerous as those times were, we never lost our patriotism.  I was 5 years old, in kindergarten that Monday morning in December when Miss Wilkins, my kindergarten teacher, read the New York Times announcing the start of the war with Japan attacking Hawaii.  I still remember sitting very quietly on my kindergarten chair carefully listening to the news.  All I remember is that I felt scared.  What did this mean for my family?  I began to worry about my older brother Donald, my parents, my Dad who worked at Ford Motor Company in Edgewater, NJ. across from Manhattan, on the Hudson River.  In fact, Easter Sunday 1945, my Dad had to work!  I remember how shocked I was that he should have to be at Ford Motor Company helping to manufacture jeeps instead of attending church on that special day.  Hawaii was a long distance away and yet I wondered.  When would the war end?

Then I remember neighbors, young high school graduates, without hesitation signing up to fight in the war.  It was as if everyone in my town of Ridgefield Park, NJ wanted to somehow be on the fighting front lines of the war.  Collections of scrap metal, women gathering together sewing bandages, men volunteering to be "air raid wardens", blackout drills in the dark nights of winter.  Each citizen wanted to volunteer to do something to protect our country and fight the enemy.

I also remember the "Gold Star Mothers", women who lost their sons fighting the war in the Pacific and Europe.  The US was truly facing a huge world war with two fighting fronts, one against Japan and one against Germany.  A lot of men, young and middle age, fought in the war and died.  My backdoor neighbor had a small banner in her front porch window that was decorated with four gold stars.  My parents told me she had lost four sons in the war.  I remember feeling so badly for her family.  Whenever I thought about her loss I grieved.

The United States showed incredible strength, unity and patriotism during 1941 through 1945.  Everyone was proud of America and voiced their pride.  At the end of the war, I remember my Dad grabbing several New Years' Eve horns, putting them in our hands and walking us up and down Grand Avenue as we shouted, "War is over!".  Neighbors opened their doors and cheered with us at the glorious news.  Peace had returned to America.

As we heard Kate Smith singing again, we all joined in......"God bless America, land that I love, stand beside her and guide her through the night with the light from above.  From the mountains to the prairies, to the oceans white with foam, God bless America, my home sweet home.......God bless America, my home sweet home."

Here it is, 2021 and we are living in troubled times.  Are we united in pride for this America, "the land that I love"?  Are we united in praying to God to continue to bless America, "stand beside her and guide her through the night with the light from above?"  Are we united in love for the varieties of backgrounds we all come from, since we are a land of immigrants?  Are we united in love for all the varieties of skin color we proudly have because we are all related as brothers and sisters, descendants of Adam and Eve?  Do we rejoice in this land with its God created beauty "from the mountains to the prairies to the oceans white with foam?  Do we thank God for "America, my home sweet home"?

Let us not forget this America, that we have a gift of freedom, that we have a God who watches over us, and that we have a government that is accountable to the people.  May we remember the greatness of America in these turbulent times of 2021.

COVID-19 caused delayed Grief.........

For over a year now, we have had postponements and cancellations because of Covid-19.  Our family is just one of many who had to wait one year to finally honor my husband with a Memorial Service.  A year ago we obediently accepted that decision and after choosing various dates, decided 'one year' would certainly guarantee there would be no problem.  My husband, Dick, died May 6, 2020 and we set the date for his service for Saturday, May 8, 2021.  I thought that by that time my grief would have subsided and the service would bring closure.  Also, we felt that Covid-19 would be gone.  However, I did not anticipate that we still have to wear masks and that tears would still flow at his Memorial Service.

Many of us who have lost loved ones since Covid-19 took over in April-May of 2020 have experienced the same delay of outpourings of grief.  A memorial service or funeral service brings closure, brings loved ones together to grieve the loss of a dear friend or close loved one.  But this past year has brought agonizing moments of delayed grief.  When your spouse dies, especially if your marriage has been filled with love, life hurts.  Dick and I were married 61 years, faithfully loving each other, caring for each other, fulfilling and abiding by our marriage vows and raising four wonderful children who gave us twelve grandchildren.

Covid-19 has caused many emotional tears, unhappiness, frustration and mental confusion.  Grief following the death of a loved one is only one situation that has been drastically affected.  In fact, the delayed grief caught me by surprise.  I had thought in one year I would have experienced the painful reality of loneliness and precious memories but that would have ended.  Instead, the memories of 61 years of marriage came back in full force as I planned Dick's Memorial Service.

Since I am an 85 year old with a sharp memory, I decided to organize all the service details.  I knew my husband......what would honor him, what he would appreciate.  So I planned accordingly.  We held the service in our church here in Holland, MI and limited guests to family members.  Since Dick spent his professional life teaching grade school students for 11 years and being an elementary school principal for 26 years mostly in Wyckoff, NJ we decided to keep the service simple by just including family.  When you have postponed the service for one year following death, that decision makes sense.

I decided to speak at the service, sharing Dick's professional life, family life and married life.  And that was where the tears began.  Reliving our remarkable life together, recalling details to share with the family, some humerous, some sad.  61 years is a long time and as I meandered through those years I vividly remembered all that happened.......children's laughter, my husband's kisses, the camping vacations, the joys of holidays, Grammie and Pa and Nana and Pops, endless sports games, keeping our budget, piano lessons, owning dogs, cats and rabbits. Yes, when I lived again the lives of four children, Dick, an educational professional and me, a professional singer, I wondered, "How did we do all that?"

When I think of the number of divorces that take place in today's world, I am overwhelmed.  Marriage is work.  Disagreements between husband and wife are normal and husbands and wives must remember they married because they love each other.  Loves means you forgive and love means you need each other.  Now as I say 'goodbye' to my husband at the Memorial Service, joy and appreciation fill my heart as I realize we stayed married for 61 years.  That was commitment.  That was remembering our wedding vows we took before Almighty God on December 27, 1958 in Ramsey, NJ.  That meant we honored God in our marriage, read the Bible, raised our kids to know and love God, prayed with intensity and devotion and most important believed in Jesus.  The Lord instituted the first marriage on earth and taught man and woman to marry.  That is His plan for us and lifelong happiness is the result.

Now the Memorial Service is over.  Dick's 90 years and 4 months have been re-lived, memories are permanently engraved in our minds and hearts, the joy of knowing him and loving him has been strengthened and the grief has lessened.  Closure is finally taking place.

Your Birthday is your special day!

I love birthdays!.  Of course I love my own birthday but every birthday is special.  It is the day you were born.  The day when our Creator God planned for you to enter the world.  Your day when your small infant body breathed its first breath of air and obediently uttered a gleeful cry.  It's the moment your tiny body discovered that nine months in the womb gave you love and comfort but now it was time to begin living decades of life in our physical world.  And your newborn squeals announced to Mommy and Daddy that you were alive and well.  Everyone celebrated because you, the baby, was born!

 As a nurse I have witnessed the birth of many babies and I'm always amazed at birth.  The fact that a tiny sperm and a tiny egg celebrate marital love by meeting in a female body and joining together in a moment of conception is miraculous.  And nine months later a tiny baby pushes and glides into open air and screams, "Hi everyone! I'm here!"  It is a miracle!  A God ordained miracle that no man or woman on this earth could duplicate.  We are all participants of that miracle.  As we continue to grow and mature I trust we all remember how we got here.

As we celebrate each yearly birthday we experience the wonderful challenges of aging.  Remember when we were youngsters, six years old, and when asked "How old are you?", we would respond by announcing proudly "Almost seven".  And now in our eighties we reply "58!", instead of "85!"  We are proud of our lives and continually aim to make the most of all our endeavors.  But as we grow into the senior years of our lives we begin to take a hard look.  Was I selfish?  Did I put work in front of 'family', so they had more money to play with?  Was I honest or did I take advantage of people?  Or was I generous, always tithing my money to help others?  Did I truly love my children, listen to them, encourage them, praise them and also discipline them carefully or was I always on my phone?  Honest assessments, but we in our eighties still have time and opportunity to straighten our lives.

It is joyful fun to celebrate a birthday.  Dick's birthday was December 23, two day before Christmas.  He grew up remembering lots of Birthday/Christmas celebrations so when we married I was determined to make his Birthday special in addition to Christmas.  For years his favorite cake was 'Pineapple Upside Down' cake and even though that was odd, that was how we celebrated.  As our family grew, the 'family' Birthday cake became 'Mrs. Caffery's Chocolate Cake' from a friend, delicious cake made with one cup of cold coffee and one cup of cocoa.  "Hmm, good."  Family traditions are so important when it comes to birthdays.  We remember birthdays as a child and yearn to continue that tradition.

Well, I just celebrated a birthday milestone.  On April 6, I turned 85 years.  As the number of years hit me, I realized, looking back, I never dreamt I would live this long.  I remember thinking '85' was 'OLD'.  I remember wondering, would I live that long?  Then I also started re-living and remembering 85 years.  I remember being a flower girl in Aunt Muriel's wedding, when I was five, walking down the church aisle, tossing little flowers out of my basket (which I still have) and gazing up at all the people smiling at me.  I remember handing out Hershey's chocolate 'kisses' in 8th grade when I ran for president of my homeroom.  By the way, I won!  I remember Mommy hanging out clothes on the clothesline that ran from our outside deck to the garage.  No driers back in those days and oh, the sheets always smelled so fresh.  I remember WW II with air raid drills and walking silently down the school steps to the basement where we knelt and covered our heads with our arms to protect us if bombs fell.  I remember Daddy as a Volunteer fireman, piling his fireman clothes in the bathroom at night in case he got a call to fight a fire.  Memories go on and on.

Birthdays are special and may you celebrate many wonderful 'HAPPY BIRTHDAYS' as you thank the Lord for the miracle of your birth.

How are you GIVING OF YOURSELF in your senior years?

Do we remember when we senior citizens were in our 50s and started planning for retirement?   Where would we live?  Where would we play golf?  Where were the best restaurants?  Would we move to Florida and enjoy warm winters?  Would we want to be close to our family?  All these questions, and then we made our decision based on what our enjoyment would be for the rest of our life.  Now we are in our 80s and where are we?  We are all living longer lives and we are facing many challenges.  Suddenly our spouse dies, what do we do?  Suddenly our health deteriorates, what's next?  Here we are looking back and remembering all the creative, professional, corporate decisions we made and what are we doing now?  Are we watching TV all day, or waiting to be entertained by our families, or just sitting around?

Each one of us has special gifts that we are born with.  Each of us is totally different with various abilities, personalities, likes and dislikes.  When you think of the millions and millions of human beings that have been born in this world by our Creator God, isn't it amazing that no two people are alike.  Since we are totally different from another person, why not let that unique, special individuality shine through in our senior years.  

For example, I have an 85-year-old friend who was a manager in a large corporation. He now volunteers every week parceling out foods to needy people. When the delivery slows down, he may start 'line dancing' with other volunteers to give some joy to the hundreds of cars lined up. The people waiting for food start laughing and clapping. He is giving himself to others. I have another friend who served as a foreign missionary. She now privately visits senior citizens living in Assisted Living facilities and talks and laughs with them.  Another woman helps seniors write their own histories. What a wonderful job because those private stories are treasured by grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Of course, as we age, we do slow down.  Maybe more day-time naps, maybe less physical endurance, maybe no car because of our age. But that's why we need to reach out and accomplish something for others. Giving of ourselves makes us feel productive.  Something as simple as making frequent phone calls to friends. No, not 'texting', but 'talking'.  How about baking delicious brownies for your working neighbors?  Are you able to write poetry?  That's a special talent. I know someone who writes personal poems and sends them to people she meets.  Since we seniors have been immersed in years of business life, we could volunteer our talents by giving talks to community groups which would be appreciated.  How about teaching? Not in a formal classroom but by sharing our past experiences.

Basically, we need to find our special niche and DO SOMETHING.  Let's not spend time with friends gossiping about other seniors who we are 'jealous of' or 'don't like'.  Let's not waste time laughing at other seniors' weaknesses.  Let's do something that will result in our lives being remembered for: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control".  Sound familiar?  Yes, that's Galatians 5: 22-23.

As we live out our senior years, how do we want to be remembered?  We have one life to live and God wants us to live humbly, obediently and righteously.  When I review those words that are the fruit of the Spirit, I am reminded of what I can do as I live out my remaining years on earth.  First, we all have 'time'. Remember those decades that we 'never had time' to do lots of special things? We were all too busy with business appointments, our children's needs and wants, professional demands, etc.  Now I have time to choose what volunteer jobs I want to immerse myself in.

Yes, as we near the end of our physical, earthly life span, how wonderful it will be to know we are living out our purpose in life.  That purpose is to be God's ambassadors in this sinful world so that the people we touch will know the eternal love of Jesus.  'GIVING OF OURSELVES' by showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, we will meet our Lord in Heaven and hear,  "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The COVID story doesn't stop........

Remember  the beginning of 2020?  New year with the usual hopes and aspirations.  Then we started to hear about a strange virus that reportedly started in China.  I remember thinking..... China is far away, our medical team here in the US will be able to control this virus.  That was the beginning, and looking back, what a year it has been.  Lockdowns pronounced on senior citizen living facilities.  We could not enjoy visits with our families.  We could not show affection to our loved ones, no hugs, no kisses, follow rules  staying 6 feet apart.  Here we are in our senior years, needing love and support but now in emotional pain as we are forced into isolation.  All of a sudden senior citizens became the subject of the news media.  Those of us in that upper age bracket began to get the message.  Our lives were in danger.  The new virus, COVID, became our primary health concern.  No longer were we to just die from 'old age' but now we were told COVID was our major life threatening illness.  Hospitals were soon overrun with COVID patients.  The death rate was alarming.  Mortuaries had difficulty making room for more bodies.  Suddenly we felt intense grief as our friends and loved ones died.  We worried about ourselves.  Would I now appear on the obituary page, as the next COVID victim?

In late April COVID hit home. Five of us residents, all housed in the same area, suddenly exhibited COVID symptoms. Included were my husband and myself.  Now that I know a little bit more about COVID, I realize how easily it spreads......nasal secretions and saliva drops.  Tiny, wet, common bodily fluids which all of us ooze all the time but the COVID virus has turned those tiny drops into killers!  Dick, being 90 years old, was especially hard hit.  First of all, I am so glad I decided to NOT send him to the hospital or else I would not have been with him during those precious last days.  Dick began to breathe heavily, open-mouthed, harsh sounds, proving the COVID had invaded his lungs. At that painful moment, all I wanted to do was to surround him with love.  Since the last bodily sense we experience is our 'hearing', I softly repeated again and again, "I love you, Dick, and I always will".  Then suddenly, there was no further intake of breath, no sound, just silence.  I kept repeating my love for him but I knew he was gone.

My symptoms with COVID continued.   Then 2 nights later I fell on the floor in the middle of the night, hit my face, cut my skin around my right eye, suffered a black eye for about 3 weeks, all because I had become confused and disoriented.  During those weeks, I brushed my hair and I discovered gobs of hair on my brush.  I experienced hair loss!  Fortunately, that lasted only a few weeks.  But during that month, I suffered mentally, emotionally and physically.

Now it is 2021.  On the morning of Thursday, January 21, I received the initial COVID vaccination.  The injection was painless and I felt relief that now I was on the way to becoming totally safe from more COVID.  But at 3:00 AM Friday morning I was awakened by shaking chills plus a hideous headache.  Staff checked on me.  Finally at 7:30 I was awakened and felt horrible.  Unable to walk to the dining room I stayed in my recliner chair all day, my arm and leg extremities aching, my head pounding.  Tylenol helped.  But as I sat there I realized I was experiencing a severe reaction to the vaccine, with symptoms similar to my bout with COVID.  Feelings of depression and helplessness engulfed me.  Staff was concerned, checking on me frequently.  These symptoms continued from early Friday morning until late Saturday night.  At times I felt I was dying.  BUT then Sunday morning I awoke in surprise.  I felt great!  No negative COVID symptoms.  The bad reaction to the vaccine had ended.

On February 18, I am scheduled for my second COVID vaccination injection.  No one can predict what I will experience.  But if I do have a severe reaction again, at least I am prepared.  Yes, the COVID story keeps going but let's all pray that our lives will return to normalcy soon.