Recently I had the opportunity to reach out to two of my friends in a very meaningful way. As I was leaving the dining room after our noon meal, I noticed a dear friend having difficulty standing up. Her table mates had left and she was alone. I immediately put on 'nurse mode' and walked over to assist. Nurses will understand what I mean by 'nurse mode' because once a nurse, always a nurse. Having graduated from Columbia University-Presbyterian Medical Center in New York City back in 1959, that training has never left me. "Are you OK?" I questioned. She responded in slurred speech and I knew we had a problem. Long story short......management alerted, emergency called, ambulance arrived and she was taken for observation to nearest hospital. But all the time I stood by her side, wrapped my arm around her shoulders, patted her hand, spoke softly to her not to be afraid because help was coming, constantly giving her assurance I was there to give her stability and comfort. My friend continues to thank me for that day and the comfort she experienced.
About a month later a friend at a nearby table suddenly vomited. Table mates quickly moved away and again I leapt into nurse mode to move to his side. Again management alerted, EMT arrived with stretcher. I stood at his side gently and tenderly rubbing his back while the house staff scurried around, asking questions, wiping the table with towels. I kept reminding him professional help was there. I spoke in a calm, quiet voice, giving him hugs.
Have you ever been in a situation when you are suddenly injured or you throw up in the check-out line of the supermarket? Strangers surround you in panic mode, yelling for help, trying to figure what's going on......and there you are....injured or sick and scared to death! How wonderful when someone stands there with love, calm and assurance. And the manner in which that is communicated is with 'just a touch'. Yes, our hands communicate our hearts of love.
Touch is so important these days with all the social media imploding our lives with short non-personal messaging. Our physical bodies and emotional hearts crave a touch of love. Think about babies. Instinctively a baby cries if hungry or uncomfortable. And what happens when Mommy picks up that baby and holds him/her in love. The baby stops crying and greets Mommy with an adorable smile.
We seniors need touches of love. Many of us have lost our mates and spend many hours grieving. Our children, who we cuddled and held in our arms, think of their own children and basically resort to the "Hi!" hug and "See you!" wave with us elderly parents. But even though we are old, we still need touches of love. Just a hand on an arm, just a quick hug, just an arm around shoulders reminds us that someone does care about us and remembers us. When we place a hand on a friend, our heart is in that hand. Our hands have a great ability to communicate. Unfortunately, our culture has screamed warnings about touching because of sexual innuendos.
I have countless experiences when someone has hugged me, held my hand, patted my shoulders and in that way told me they care about me and any problems I have. And nothing is more glorious when in joy we rejoice at good news with big hugs. I have heard some people were brought up with no hugs and kisses from parents. These folk are starving for love.
What did Jesus do? Luke 18: 16....."People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have Him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to Him and said, 'Let the little children come unto Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" Yes, Jesus hugged the children and held them on His lap. And then Jesus said,"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Don't be afraid of loving someone by hugging. Of course, do it properly and morally and put those fear mongers to silence. We all need a touch of love. We senior citizens may be in our eighties and nineties but we need touches of love just like a little child.
Monday, October 14, 2019
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Are you afraid to pray?
I remember in my younger years sitting with a group of women in a circle having a Bible Study. I was probably the youngest in the group. We were completing our discussion when the leader announced, "Let's all pray. We'll go around the circle." I suddenly panicked! Yikes! I have to pray out loud! I'm 5th in line. What am I going to say? What will these people think of me?
Have you ever had that experience? I'm sure all of us have panicked with the sudden realization that we are required to pray in public. We compare ourselves to those around us thinking they are so much more gifted and probably sound like theologians. I've known many who, when invited to be part of a regular prayer group, decline to attend because they feel inadequate to pray out loud. Why do we feel that way? Are we so amazed, intimidated, fearful, or speechless before Almighty God? The scripture states again and again how much God loves us and wants to have fellowship with us. How can we have fellowship and not have a conversation? In our physical lives we all have friends. How do we have relationships and grow friendships? We talk!
Many of us seniors were brought up in an era when we only heard formal, eccesiastical prayers prayed with perfect tone and formality by a distinguished member of clergy. We were impressed by his sanctimonious words and realized he was properly praying and let no one ever think otherwise. Thus, when it came to me, a female with no seminary education, how could I even think of leading a group in prayer. But, as I learned more about Jesus, that He was loving and personal, I realized my praying could be more relaxed. I found I wanted to open my heart, tell Him all that was in there, good and bad. As a result, I lost that fear of praying and grew in meaningful, powerful 'talk' with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
You might ask, "Does God really want to talk to me, have a conversation width me, listen to me talk to Him?" Well, think of this. God chose to create us, out of His great love. Jeremiah 31:3, "I have loved you with an everlasting love". God loved us even before He created us. When you love someone that much you want conversation. As a parent I love our children intensely. No matter what they say, do or think, I will still love them. I birthed them, nursed them, supported them, encouraged them, disciplined them, cried with them, laughed with them. They will always be our children. That thought gives me some understanding of how much God loves me. He loves me eternally. And as I yearn to talk with our kids in deep conversations, God wants to talk with me. Prayer is the avenue of conversation with God.
So how do we talk with God? For one thing, be yourself. God knows you, your needs, your pain, your sorrow, your joys, your struggles, your victories.....even before you open your mouth and utter the words. I have found when I pray it's like talking to my best friend. Not to minimize Almighty God, but I feel intimacy with Him. He does know all about me. When I express my happiness to Him I rejoice knowing I shared that with my Jesus. And when I weep as I struggle with a personal situation I find comfort knowing He understands.
This personal prayer relationship is especially vital to widows and widowers, who number many in our senior population. Having had a spouse who shared everything with you, now you are left alone to find answers to family matters, financial questions, physical challenges and living arrangements. Our Lord is a personal, loving God who listens and guides. Talk to Jesus and He will comfort you.
If you are invited to be a part of a community prayer group, rejoice! You will never regret the decision to join. I am part of a community prayer group. Sometimes we all pray, sometimes a few pray. We pour our our hearts to our Lord God sharing our joys and struggles. We weep, we laugh, we sing, we stumble over words, we make grammatical errors, but we pray. As the 30 minutes end, we feel refreshed, revitalized and blessed that we have met in community prayer. A benefit to all of us.
Have you ever had that experience? I'm sure all of us have panicked with the sudden realization that we are required to pray in public. We compare ourselves to those around us thinking they are so much more gifted and probably sound like theologians. I've known many who, when invited to be part of a regular prayer group, decline to attend because they feel inadequate to pray out loud. Why do we feel that way? Are we so amazed, intimidated, fearful, or speechless before Almighty God? The scripture states again and again how much God loves us and wants to have fellowship with us. How can we have fellowship and not have a conversation? In our physical lives we all have friends. How do we have relationships and grow friendships? We talk!
Many of us seniors were brought up in an era when we only heard formal, eccesiastical prayers prayed with perfect tone and formality by a distinguished member of clergy. We were impressed by his sanctimonious words and realized he was properly praying and let no one ever think otherwise. Thus, when it came to me, a female with no seminary education, how could I even think of leading a group in prayer. But, as I learned more about Jesus, that He was loving and personal, I realized my praying could be more relaxed. I found I wanted to open my heart, tell Him all that was in there, good and bad. As a result, I lost that fear of praying and grew in meaningful, powerful 'talk' with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
You might ask, "Does God really want to talk to me, have a conversation width me, listen to me talk to Him?" Well, think of this. God chose to create us, out of His great love. Jeremiah 31:3, "I have loved you with an everlasting love". God loved us even before He created us. When you love someone that much you want conversation. As a parent I love our children intensely. No matter what they say, do or think, I will still love them. I birthed them, nursed them, supported them, encouraged them, disciplined them, cried with them, laughed with them. They will always be our children. That thought gives me some understanding of how much God loves me. He loves me eternally. And as I yearn to talk with our kids in deep conversations, God wants to talk with me. Prayer is the avenue of conversation with God.
So how do we talk with God? For one thing, be yourself. God knows you, your needs, your pain, your sorrow, your joys, your struggles, your victories.....even before you open your mouth and utter the words. I have found when I pray it's like talking to my best friend. Not to minimize Almighty God, but I feel intimacy with Him. He does know all about me. When I express my happiness to Him I rejoice knowing I shared that with my Jesus. And when I weep as I struggle with a personal situation I find comfort knowing He understands.
This personal prayer relationship is especially vital to widows and widowers, who number many in our senior population. Having had a spouse who shared everything with you, now you are left alone to find answers to family matters, financial questions, physical challenges and living arrangements. Our Lord is a personal, loving God who listens and guides. Talk to Jesus and He will comfort you.
If you are invited to be a part of a community prayer group, rejoice! You will never regret the decision to join. I am part of a community prayer group. Sometimes we all pray, sometimes a few pray. We pour our our hearts to our Lord God sharing our joys and struggles. We weep, we laugh, we sing, we stumble over words, we make grammatical errors, but we pray. As the 30 minutes end, we feel refreshed, revitalized and blessed that we have met in community prayer. A benefit to all of us.
Sunday, August 18, 2019
"But.....what if?"
I am a mother of four children. Of course, at this stage of my life, our children are all in their fifties and dealing with the rapid maturity of their own children. But, I remember so well how, as their mother, I was constantly attentive to the 'what ifs' in their lives. As they were toddlers, I remember literally counting the four of them when Dick drove the car out of the garage, carefully making sure they were not in the driveway. Yes, we mothers were always conscious of all the possibly dangerous times of 'what ifs'. Women have been given an innate sense of looking after others. And that is what makes us natural care-givers.
Now in our eighties, many women are care-givers for their spouse who needs health care assistance. Then, as their spouse declines in health, women continue giving care until death do they part. They accept that role unconditionally. Women are not automatically registered nurses, but they lovingly care for their spouse to the best of their ability. Just as women cared for their children, they now care for adult loved ones. Sometimes it's just monitoring schedules, meds, appointments, or supporting, encouraging and protecting dementia victims. The care can become more challenging with needs regarding physical conditions including helping them bathe, feeding them, even giving bedside nursing care. Women feel driven to continue care as long as they are able. Men seem to have more difficulty dealing with caring for a spouse with physical or mental challenges, which is understandable since it is innate in women to be care-givers.
When we talk about the 'what ifs', we, in our eighties, should be mindful of our own end-of-life situations. This is when you hear seniors frequently stating, "I don't want to talk about that...now". Why not now? Why are we so negative about being prepared and planning ahead? Just like we were concerned about safety hazards when our families were young and we did everything we could to avoid accidents, why don't we want to prepare for our last days on earth? For example......what if I drop dead in Meijers (or the local super market)? Have I made decisions about 'Do Not Resuscitate'? Because if I haven't signed legal forms and carry copies of that legal form with me, emergency personnel have no idea that I wish 'Do Not Resuscitate'. If I am not wearing a 'Do Not Resuscitate' bracelet, do not have 'DNR' tattooed on my chest and do not carry those legal forms with me, emergency personnel are required to pound on my chest for hours in hopes my heart starts beating again. Then I could end up in a vegetative state in a skilled nursing home at $12,000 (minimum) a month! Do I want to burden my family with that? Do I want my family to have to make the decision to pull the plug and terminate life giving support? Why not be prepared for the 'what ifs' in our senior days?
How can I be prepared? First of all, if you live in an independent retirement facility, speak to the personnel at your front desk about legal forms to ensure 'Do Not Resuscitate' or talk to your primary care physician. Then fill out those forms immediately because you will need physician signature and witnesses. Many seniors respond by saying, "Oh yes, I have those legal forms in my safe." Unfortunately, no one is going to dig those papers out of your safe if you have dropped on the floor of your local church while everyone is singing the closing hymn.
Talk to your families. Be specific. Talk about planning your funeral and, most important, pre-pay. That way, your family does not have the financial burden. Funerals now can cost over $12,000 for regular casket, viewing, etc. and over $4,000 for cremation. Even printing the obituary can be expensive. Be sure all details are taken care of and paid for now. Think about your families. Our children dearly love us. But imagine how they would feel if we suddenly died and none of these decisions have been made. Our children have their own families. They have their own financial burdens. Why do we want to place more financial stress on them?
In a way, we actually need legal permission to die. How ridiculous! Years ago people just died, but today we need legal papers to tell the world "Let me die". Take care of the 'what ifs' now, so your entrance into Heaven leaves no burdens behind.
Now in our eighties, many women are care-givers for their spouse who needs health care assistance. Then, as their spouse declines in health, women continue giving care until death do they part. They accept that role unconditionally. Women are not automatically registered nurses, but they lovingly care for their spouse to the best of their ability. Just as women cared for their children, they now care for adult loved ones. Sometimes it's just monitoring schedules, meds, appointments, or supporting, encouraging and protecting dementia victims. The care can become more challenging with needs regarding physical conditions including helping them bathe, feeding them, even giving bedside nursing care. Women feel driven to continue care as long as they are able. Men seem to have more difficulty dealing with caring for a spouse with physical or mental challenges, which is understandable since it is innate in women to be care-givers.
When we talk about the 'what ifs', we, in our eighties, should be mindful of our own end-of-life situations. This is when you hear seniors frequently stating, "I don't want to talk about that...now". Why not now? Why are we so negative about being prepared and planning ahead? Just like we were concerned about safety hazards when our families were young and we did everything we could to avoid accidents, why don't we want to prepare for our last days on earth? For example......what if I drop dead in Meijers (or the local super market)? Have I made decisions about 'Do Not Resuscitate'? Because if I haven't signed legal forms and carry copies of that legal form with me, emergency personnel have no idea that I wish 'Do Not Resuscitate'. If I am not wearing a 'Do Not Resuscitate' bracelet, do not have 'DNR' tattooed on my chest and do not carry those legal forms with me, emergency personnel are required to pound on my chest for hours in hopes my heart starts beating again. Then I could end up in a vegetative state in a skilled nursing home at $12,000 (minimum) a month! Do I want to burden my family with that? Do I want my family to have to make the decision to pull the plug and terminate life giving support? Why not be prepared for the 'what ifs' in our senior days?
How can I be prepared? First of all, if you live in an independent retirement facility, speak to the personnel at your front desk about legal forms to ensure 'Do Not Resuscitate' or talk to your primary care physician. Then fill out those forms immediately because you will need physician signature and witnesses. Many seniors respond by saying, "Oh yes, I have those legal forms in my safe." Unfortunately, no one is going to dig those papers out of your safe if you have dropped on the floor of your local church while everyone is singing the closing hymn.
Talk to your families. Be specific. Talk about planning your funeral and, most important, pre-pay. That way, your family does not have the financial burden. Funerals now can cost over $12,000 for regular casket, viewing, etc. and over $4,000 for cremation. Even printing the obituary can be expensive. Be sure all details are taken care of and paid for now. Think about your families. Our children dearly love us. But imagine how they would feel if we suddenly died and none of these decisions have been made. Our children have their own families. They have their own financial burdens. Why do we want to place more financial stress on them?
In a way, we actually need legal permission to die. How ridiculous! Years ago people just died, but today we need legal papers to tell the world "Let me die". Take care of the 'what ifs' now, so your entrance into Heaven leaves no burdens behind.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Aging 101
Now that I'm in my mid-eighties I wish I had taken that course. Of course no college or university teaches "Aging 101" but as I find myself living in the final decades of my life I wish I could have been better prepared for these years. When I was in my fifties I recall the ads proclaiming the joys and freedom of retirement. Play golf, come to Florida, take a cruise, just relax! Dick and I did travel and did have a wonderful 20 year retirement living in our lake house in Canada. But then our world crashed when I was suddenly diagnosed with CNS lymphoma (brain cancer) and told I had seven weeks to live. Miraculously the Lord healed me but the cancer left me with right-sided weakness so that I walk slowly with a cane and am unable to use my right arm. Had I prepared for that? No.
The first challenge we face in "Aging 101" are physical health problems. Our bodies are declining in strength, we are slowly decaying. Depending on our life style, major changes take place. Hearts weaken, lungs fill up, muscles atrophy, major organs break down. And we are filled with pills, undergo replacement surgeries, all to prolong our lives in whatever condition medicine can achieve. A hundred years ago people just died but now the medical world strives to prolong our lives. Many treatments and surgeries are successful and seniors maintain quality of life. But there may come a time when we choose to call in hospice and peacefully let death take over. Are we prepared for those decisions?
Another challenge is dementia. Every 45 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a tragic brain illness that is rapidly increasing its attack on our senior population. The 'amyloid beta' cells in our brains form plaques and the 'tau' form tangles so that simple messages are not transmitted. There is a protein imbalance in our brains, nerve cells die and the brain shrinks. Thus memory loss and confusion result. In these situations, wives and husbands become caregivers of their spouses. Then as the dementia and Alzheimer's progresses, which it definitely does, the painful decision is made to place the loved one in a 'memory care' facility. After 50 or 60 years of marriage one is left alone knowing the spouse is alive but can't even recognize them. Are we prepared for that pain?
Another aging challenge is financial. Most of today's senior citizens were born around the Great Depression and have respected and closely watched their money. Most of us never went into debt, always paid bills on time, scrupulously kept a budget and thus saved money for retirement. Many of us hold retirement pensions, unheard of today. As our physical bodies deteriorate, hospitalizations and 'assisted living' facilities and 'long term care' facilities become necessary to care for ourselves or our loved one. What a shock when we are faced with the cost! What is deeply troubling is that certain corporations know seniors need these facilities, know these seniors have money and thus the corporations charge exorbitant fees. For example, $12,000 a month for long term skilled nursing care, $4,000 to $6,000 a month for memory care. No one prepared us for these expenditures. Even if we have saved inheritance money for our families we are faced with seeing those funds disappear in order to care for our loved one. Certainly not what we had planned.
Let me share our personal situation. My husband is diagnosed with "mild dementia/Alzheimer's late onset". I am handicapped with right-sided weakness. I am the caregiver. We have been married 60 years and still love each other dearly. Dick does not wander and does not hallucinate, the two red lines. I handle all decisions - financial, appointments, activities, schedules. I have to oversee personal hygiene, medications, diet. I have to monitor my own behavior so that I don't become impatient, irritable, annoyed or critical but constantly show love, support and encouragement. Of course when I am fatigued I 'lose it' and then guilt engulfs me. All caregivers understand. But I was not prepared for this.
The one positive note is that I am a believer. The One who sustains me and surrounds me with love, protection, understanding and strength is my Lord, Jesus. God said in Hebrews 13:5, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." God keeps His promises and He knows my struggles with "Aging 101".
The first challenge we face in "Aging 101" are physical health problems. Our bodies are declining in strength, we are slowly decaying. Depending on our life style, major changes take place. Hearts weaken, lungs fill up, muscles atrophy, major organs break down. And we are filled with pills, undergo replacement surgeries, all to prolong our lives in whatever condition medicine can achieve. A hundred years ago people just died but now the medical world strives to prolong our lives. Many treatments and surgeries are successful and seniors maintain quality of life. But there may come a time when we choose to call in hospice and peacefully let death take over. Are we prepared for those decisions?
Another challenge is dementia. Every 45 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a tragic brain illness that is rapidly increasing its attack on our senior population. The 'amyloid beta' cells in our brains form plaques and the 'tau' form tangles so that simple messages are not transmitted. There is a protein imbalance in our brains, nerve cells die and the brain shrinks. Thus memory loss and confusion result. In these situations, wives and husbands become caregivers of their spouses. Then as the dementia and Alzheimer's progresses, which it definitely does, the painful decision is made to place the loved one in a 'memory care' facility. After 50 or 60 years of marriage one is left alone knowing the spouse is alive but can't even recognize them. Are we prepared for that pain?
Another aging challenge is financial. Most of today's senior citizens were born around the Great Depression and have respected and closely watched their money. Most of us never went into debt, always paid bills on time, scrupulously kept a budget and thus saved money for retirement. Many of us hold retirement pensions, unheard of today. As our physical bodies deteriorate, hospitalizations and 'assisted living' facilities and 'long term care' facilities become necessary to care for ourselves or our loved one. What a shock when we are faced with the cost! What is deeply troubling is that certain corporations know seniors need these facilities, know these seniors have money and thus the corporations charge exorbitant fees. For example, $12,000 a month for long term skilled nursing care, $4,000 to $6,000 a month for memory care. No one prepared us for these expenditures. Even if we have saved inheritance money for our families we are faced with seeing those funds disappear in order to care for our loved one. Certainly not what we had planned.
Let me share our personal situation. My husband is diagnosed with "mild dementia/Alzheimer's late onset". I am handicapped with right-sided weakness. I am the caregiver. We have been married 60 years and still love each other dearly. Dick does not wander and does not hallucinate, the two red lines. I handle all decisions - financial, appointments, activities, schedules. I have to oversee personal hygiene, medications, diet. I have to monitor my own behavior so that I don't become impatient, irritable, annoyed or critical but constantly show love, support and encouragement. Of course when I am fatigued I 'lose it' and then guilt engulfs me. All caregivers understand. But I was not prepared for this.
The one positive note is that I am a believer. The One who sustains me and surrounds me with love, protection, understanding and strength is my Lord, Jesus. God said in Hebrews 13:5, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." God keeps His promises and He knows my struggles with "Aging 101".
Tuesday, June 18, 2019
What does 'Family' mean to you?
In Webster's dictionary 'family' means...1. A group of individuals living under one roof and under one head 2. A group of persons of common ancestry 3. A group of things 4. A social unit consisting of one or two parents and their children. The question is, where does the 'senior citizen' fit in?
There seems to be discussion lately regarding the role of grandparents and great grandparents within a family structure. A young family with young children could say, "We're going on a family vacation" or "We want this to be just 'family time' " or "This will be a private family birthday". What do they mean? Are the grands and great grands not invited? When you think about it, only because of the great grands and the grands does the young family even exist. Therefore are not all living generations 'family' and shouldn't they be included in family get-togethers?
As our population continues to grow older with more senior citizens living longer, grandparents are feeling left out and ignored. They remember raising their children with loving care. They remember re-arranging their busy schedules to attend their children's activities. They sacrificed energy, money and time to give their children opportunities in education, experience and advantages to ensure their future. Yes, family was to them their children. Then they subsequently gave them up to marriage and raising their own children. But, are not grands and great grands still family?
As seniors experience slowing down, less energy and physical incapacities, family ties become even more precious. Isn't it interesting? As we go through life we go through different stages. As children, we grow and welcome new experiences. Then as teenagers, we become self-centered and feel we are on top of the world. As young adults we enter the world as professionals educated for achieving great goals. In our fifties we evaluate ourselves and witness our children rising to prominence. In our sixties we retire to lives of vacation and/or service. By the time we are in our eighties life begins to slow. We experience grief in losing loved ones and we yearn for returning to close family relationships. As the senior generation slows, the next generation speeds up and the family gap widens. The younger generation cannot understand how their parents' lives have changed...(weren't they always independent?) and the parents now cannot cope with why their children are not eagerly standing by to help....(don't they remember how we helped them?)
Is this a world wide problem or limited to life in the U.S.? In many foreign countries the elderly are more revered and better cared for than in the United States. That is because of cultural differences. The practice of "matriarch" and "patriarch" is an example as important individual and family decisions are not made without consultation with the elderly members. Certain countries in our world don't even have nursing homes, because elderly members of the family live in the home of a family member. Some countries have multiple generations living together, all supporting one another and taking on the care of all members of the family.
In the United States we are encouraged from toddler through adult to be independent. And to a certain point in our lives we like that independence. We are proud of it and we hold on to it as long as we are physically able. But there comes a time when events in our lives turn us totally around and as senior citizens we must accept help, physically, mentally and socially. And that's where family comes in.
We understand the busy and active life of our younger generation. But as parents, we crave a visit, an email, a time to share laughter, a time to hear news of what's going on in the lives of our children, our grand children and great grand children. We need to feel respected, not put aside, not ignored, not feeling we are not important any more. We need to hear words of encouragement when we are facing challenging physical problems, or emotional difficulties caring for a spouse. We need our family.
Many years ago God spoke to Moses and the Israelites. Exodus 20:12 has words that stand to help us as we live. The 5th commandment, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Simple words but when followed with diligence and love, these words benefit all generations.
There seems to be discussion lately regarding the role of grandparents and great grandparents within a family structure. A young family with young children could say, "We're going on a family vacation" or "We want this to be just 'family time' " or "This will be a private family birthday". What do they mean? Are the grands and great grands not invited? When you think about it, only because of the great grands and the grands does the young family even exist. Therefore are not all living generations 'family' and shouldn't they be included in family get-togethers?
As our population continues to grow older with more senior citizens living longer, grandparents are feeling left out and ignored. They remember raising their children with loving care. They remember re-arranging their busy schedules to attend their children's activities. They sacrificed energy, money and time to give their children opportunities in education, experience and advantages to ensure their future. Yes, family was to them their children. Then they subsequently gave them up to marriage and raising their own children. But, are not grands and great grands still family?
As seniors experience slowing down, less energy and physical incapacities, family ties become even more precious. Isn't it interesting? As we go through life we go through different stages. As children, we grow and welcome new experiences. Then as teenagers, we become self-centered and feel we are on top of the world. As young adults we enter the world as professionals educated for achieving great goals. In our fifties we evaluate ourselves and witness our children rising to prominence. In our sixties we retire to lives of vacation and/or service. By the time we are in our eighties life begins to slow. We experience grief in losing loved ones and we yearn for returning to close family relationships. As the senior generation slows, the next generation speeds up and the family gap widens. The younger generation cannot understand how their parents' lives have changed...(weren't they always independent?) and the parents now cannot cope with why their children are not eagerly standing by to help....(don't they remember how we helped them?)
Is this a world wide problem or limited to life in the U.S.? In many foreign countries the elderly are more revered and better cared for than in the United States. That is because of cultural differences. The practice of "matriarch" and "patriarch" is an example as important individual and family decisions are not made without consultation with the elderly members. Certain countries in our world don't even have nursing homes, because elderly members of the family live in the home of a family member. Some countries have multiple generations living together, all supporting one another and taking on the care of all members of the family.
In the United States we are encouraged from toddler through adult to be independent. And to a certain point in our lives we like that independence. We are proud of it and we hold on to it as long as we are physically able. But there comes a time when events in our lives turn us totally around and as senior citizens we must accept help, physically, mentally and socially. And that's where family comes in.
We understand the busy and active life of our younger generation. But as parents, we crave a visit, an email, a time to share laughter, a time to hear news of what's going on in the lives of our children, our grand children and great grand children. We need to feel respected, not put aside, not ignored, not feeling we are not important any more. We need to hear words of encouragement when we are facing challenging physical problems, or emotional difficulties caring for a spouse. We need our family.
Many years ago God spoke to Moses and the Israelites. Exodus 20:12 has words that stand to help us as we live. The 5th commandment, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Simple words but when followed with diligence and love, these words benefit all generations.
Monday, May 20, 2019
Why am I here?
On April 6, 1936, Janet Beatrice Baird entered this world, uttering newborn squeals, at Margaret Hague Hospital in Jersey City, NJ. Yes, I was so eager to be born, I almost landed in the elevator. As a tiny 5 lb babe, never could I envision what my life had in store for me. We all start with that first cry, gasping in a breath of air, helpless and missing the secure, warm womb that had cradled, nourished and tenderly loved us for nine months. Now as I look back on 83 years of living in this world I can't help wondering, Why am I here? Do I have purpose and am I accomplishing that purpose?
When you have lived 80 plus years there are lots of memories. Fortunately, my memory is intact and I find it fascinating to look back. I spent my childhood through high school in Ridgefield Park, NJ, a small town in Bergen County, about 20 minutes from Times Square in New York City. In fact, I could see the top of the Empire State Building from my bedroom window. I was blessed with loving parents and one older brother. My parents cared for me, were proud of me, taught me right from wrong, prayed with me, brought me to Sunday School and church.
I remember when I was in kindergarten and Miss Wilkins read the NY Times telling us the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor and we were now in WW II. Only bits of news were heard on the radio then, so that I felt distanced from the war. But the air raid drills and blackouts were scary. I remember riding my bike all over the town with little traffic. When I was about six years old I had a dream that I stood in a beautiful woodland and suddenly heavenly streams of sunbeams floated down on me and caused me to think, "Oh God, how He loves me!" When I was in 8th grade I wrote about that experience and won the Barbier Award for Teenage Success. Yes I loved school, hated arithmetic, always did my homework, loved baby-sitting at 35 cents an hour and fifty cents after midnight.
High school was fun....cheerleading, Honor Society, flirting with the boys, Friday night dances, walking a mile alone to my home at night, never fearing a thing. Then choosing Hope College, voted Vice President of my freshman class, waitressing in Voorhees dining room, dances at the Women's Lit Club called 'functions' because no dancing allowed on campus. Moving on to graduate from Columbia University School of Nursing. Falling in love with Hope alum, Dick....marriage in December, 1958. Four children came in 5 years. Then singing and winning a NY recital. Lay Witness Mission in 1971 where I surrendered my heart to Jesus. Solo evangelistic singing career. Raising Glenn, Beth, Carin and Diana in Wyckoff, NJ. Concerts on weekends with Dick home with the kids. Family came first.
Then retirement, moved out of NJ to Sand Lake, Ontario, Canada.......fishing, swimming, boating, gardening, ice skating, cross country skiing....friends and close church ties. Eighteen years later, brain cancer hits but with miraculous recovery. Move to Holland and Zeeland, MI. Dick now at 89 has mild form of dementia. My purpose in life has changed drastically over the years. Student, nurse, wife, mother, singer, now writer and caregiver. But I have chosen to let God be totally in charge of my life through prayer and reading scripture. 24/7 prayers result in intimate fellowship with God. Scripture gives me truth in all living.
Looking back I realize I won an award just by telling my simple story of God showering blessings upon a six year old. I sang hundreds of concerts singing about Jesus with the result peoples' lives were touched by the Spirit. Dick and I raised four wonderful kids and our family has now multiplied to twenty-three.
Did my life have purpose? And does it still have purpose today? YES! I believe Almighty God has plans for each one of us. We all have a purpose. Have you ever thought about what is your purpose in life? As I review my life I see how God worked in me and spoke to me. He has constantly led me and taught me to live a life that would demonstrate His incredible love. "Well done, good and faithful servant" is what we all want to hear.
When you have lived 80 plus years there are lots of memories. Fortunately, my memory is intact and I find it fascinating to look back. I spent my childhood through high school in Ridgefield Park, NJ, a small town in Bergen County, about 20 minutes from Times Square in New York City. In fact, I could see the top of the Empire State Building from my bedroom window. I was blessed with loving parents and one older brother. My parents cared for me, were proud of me, taught me right from wrong, prayed with me, brought me to Sunday School and church.
I remember when I was in kindergarten and Miss Wilkins read the NY Times telling us the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor and we were now in WW II. Only bits of news were heard on the radio then, so that I felt distanced from the war. But the air raid drills and blackouts were scary. I remember riding my bike all over the town with little traffic. When I was about six years old I had a dream that I stood in a beautiful woodland and suddenly heavenly streams of sunbeams floated down on me and caused me to think, "Oh God, how He loves me!" When I was in 8th grade I wrote about that experience and won the Barbier Award for Teenage Success. Yes I loved school, hated arithmetic, always did my homework, loved baby-sitting at 35 cents an hour and fifty cents after midnight.
High school was fun....cheerleading, Honor Society, flirting with the boys, Friday night dances, walking a mile alone to my home at night, never fearing a thing. Then choosing Hope College, voted Vice President of my freshman class, waitressing in Voorhees dining room, dances at the Women's Lit Club called 'functions' because no dancing allowed on campus. Moving on to graduate from Columbia University School of Nursing. Falling in love with Hope alum, Dick....marriage in December, 1958. Four children came in 5 years. Then singing and winning a NY recital. Lay Witness Mission in 1971 where I surrendered my heart to Jesus. Solo evangelistic singing career. Raising Glenn, Beth, Carin and Diana in Wyckoff, NJ. Concerts on weekends with Dick home with the kids. Family came first.
Then retirement, moved out of NJ to Sand Lake, Ontario, Canada.......fishing, swimming, boating, gardening, ice skating, cross country skiing....friends and close church ties. Eighteen years later, brain cancer hits but with miraculous recovery. Move to Holland and Zeeland, MI. Dick now at 89 has mild form of dementia. My purpose in life has changed drastically over the years. Student, nurse, wife, mother, singer, now writer and caregiver. But I have chosen to let God be totally in charge of my life through prayer and reading scripture. 24/7 prayers result in intimate fellowship with God. Scripture gives me truth in all living.
Looking back I realize I won an award just by telling my simple story of God showering blessings upon a six year old. I sang hundreds of concerts singing about Jesus with the result peoples' lives were touched by the Spirit. Dick and I raised four wonderful kids and our family has now multiplied to twenty-three.
Did my life have purpose? And does it still have purpose today? YES! I believe Almighty God has plans for each one of us. We all have a purpose. Have you ever thought about what is your purpose in life? As I review my life I see how God worked in me and spoke to me. He has constantly led me and taught me to live a life that would demonstrate His incredible love. "Well done, good and faithful servant" is what we all want to hear.
Monday, April 15, 2019
Death is swallowed up in Victory!
Death is a negative word in our society. We ignore it, deny it, fear it, refuse to talk about it, until we are faced with it. If we live, then we will surely die. In our culture we think of death as a door closing, as a time of agonizing grief, as a moment when all questions of "Why" bombard us. Death becomes an enemy that destroys our comforts, our joys and our future plans. We read the obituaries and silently feel relief that our name is not on the list. We count our days and years as proud evidence we are still alive. We shudder and weep as family and friends suddenly die and we remain to experience lonely lives without them. We wear mourning clothes to funerals, dressing in black and sometimes wearing a veil to hide our tears. We use the softened words 'she passed away' rather than state 'she died', refusing to use the finality of the word 'dead'. We all fear death.
BUT, as believers, why do we have these thoughts? If we believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah, Son of God, Savior who came for us, born of a teenage virgin, performed miracles of healing, died a tragic humiliating death on a cross, then came alive after 3 days in a tomb and finally was 'taken up into heaven', then we should be rejoicing when our physical bodies die because we will be resurrected and live in our eternal state forever with our Father God and Jesus. Why are we not rejoicing at funerals? Why are we not singing the Hallelujah Chorus?
Now some might say, Why should I believe all that? Did Jesus really die on the cross? What proof is there that Jesus rose from the dead? Maybe He never died in the first place. The validity of Christ's death and resurrection has been debated for two thousand years and maintains steady proof that it happened. First of all, when you read the details of flogging and crucifixion in the Roman Empire at the time of Jesus you begin to understand the physical toll on the body. Flogging was accomplished by using a flagrum, a whip that ripped skin off the body in ribbons, tore muscles and caused extreme bleeding because arteries and veins were exposed. How did Jesus even survive that? Then the physical torture of crucifixion with arms nailed to a crossbeam by hammering directly through the median nerve which caused excruciating pain and left the hands totally incapacitated. Adding to that, a seven inch nail would be hammered through both feet. In order to breathe out, the victim would have to push against the nail in his feet and to breathe in, he sagged back down. Asphyxiation was the result. Humiliation was part of the horror as they stripped the body before nailing to the cross. The soldiers, in Jesus case, also pierced His heart. Any questions? No doubt. Jesus was dead.
Then the question. How did Jesus come alive again? And this is where all our faith and belief come in. If there was no resurrection there is no Christian faith. Jesus is crucified, confirmed dead and is buried in a tomb with a massive heavy stone rolled to the entrance guarded by Roman soldiers. Three days later, an angel appears, terrifying the guards and effortlessly rolls back the stone. The guards report to the Jewish priests the body is missing. So the priests bribe the guards with money to spread the lie that disciples have stolen Jesus' body which in reality proves Jesus resurrection. Jesus appears before women and men, talks to them and eats with them and finally seen by hundreds as he is visibly taken up to heaven. Is there any doubt Jesus is alive in a resurrected body and that all who believe in Him will one day be with Him in heaven? Remember Jesus told Martha, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes on me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
This year on the 21st of April we believers gather in places of worship all over the world and rejoice. He is risen! And those of us who believe and have brought all our sins to the foot of the cross and surrendered our hearts to Jesus will never die. Truly, our death will be swallowed up in victory!
BUT, as believers, why do we have these thoughts? If we believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah, Son of God, Savior who came for us, born of a teenage virgin, performed miracles of healing, died a tragic humiliating death on a cross, then came alive after 3 days in a tomb and finally was 'taken up into heaven', then we should be rejoicing when our physical bodies die because we will be resurrected and live in our eternal state forever with our Father God and Jesus. Why are we not rejoicing at funerals? Why are we not singing the Hallelujah Chorus?
Now some might say, Why should I believe all that? Did Jesus really die on the cross? What proof is there that Jesus rose from the dead? Maybe He never died in the first place. The validity of Christ's death and resurrection has been debated for two thousand years and maintains steady proof that it happened. First of all, when you read the details of flogging and crucifixion in the Roman Empire at the time of Jesus you begin to understand the physical toll on the body. Flogging was accomplished by using a flagrum, a whip that ripped skin off the body in ribbons, tore muscles and caused extreme bleeding because arteries and veins were exposed. How did Jesus even survive that? Then the physical torture of crucifixion with arms nailed to a crossbeam by hammering directly through the median nerve which caused excruciating pain and left the hands totally incapacitated. Adding to that, a seven inch nail would be hammered through both feet. In order to breathe out, the victim would have to push against the nail in his feet and to breathe in, he sagged back down. Asphyxiation was the result. Humiliation was part of the horror as they stripped the body before nailing to the cross. The soldiers, in Jesus case, also pierced His heart. Any questions? No doubt. Jesus was dead.
Then the question. How did Jesus come alive again? And this is where all our faith and belief come in. If there was no resurrection there is no Christian faith. Jesus is crucified, confirmed dead and is buried in a tomb with a massive heavy stone rolled to the entrance guarded by Roman soldiers. Three days later, an angel appears, terrifying the guards and effortlessly rolls back the stone. The guards report to the Jewish priests the body is missing. So the priests bribe the guards with money to spread the lie that disciples have stolen Jesus' body which in reality proves Jesus resurrection. Jesus appears before women and men, talks to them and eats with them and finally seen by hundreds as he is visibly taken up to heaven. Is there any doubt Jesus is alive in a resurrected body and that all who believe in Him will one day be with Him in heaven? Remember Jesus told Martha, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes on me will live, even though he dies, and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."
This year on the 21st of April we believers gather in places of worship all over the world and rejoice. He is risen! And those of us who believe and have brought all our sins to the foot of the cross and surrendered our hearts to Jesus will never die. Truly, our death will be swallowed up in victory!
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