We all know friends and family who have suffered from cancer. In fact, It seems as if every family has a victim of cancer. Is cancer something that has just appeared in the last 50 or so years or was it always there and not identified. But we are all experiencing the physical pain, the emotional upheaval of the effects of a cancer diagnosis.
I have a friend who has struggled through four different cancer diagnosis: colon, skin, breast and lymph node and miraculously survived. Her testimony is impressive. "I think of my miracles as blessings. God still has a plan for me. I do small things like hang out my seed bell for His sparrows, or greet someone in the hall with a smile, or maybe just a short conversation in the grocery aisle with someone who is lonely. Who knows where we can a blessing? I'm too old for big things but I do so enjoy the small things life has to offer."
We hear of many miraculous healings from cancer but also many tragic deaths. Fortunately, there have been great strides made in cancer research. As we all just read in the news recently "researches reported the largest one-year decline in the US cancer death rate. a drop they credited to advance in lung-tumor treatments." We rejoice at that news. But we find ourselves still asking the question, "Why, Lord, must we suffer so?"
Medical advances have presented many amazing solutions to old age problems including joint replacements, medications and elective surgeries. Does it help? In some cases, yes. But in many cases senior citizens have more pain and more discomfort. And we wonder. Why, in our advancing age are we facing so many physical and mental challenges? Well, that's part of aging. Our bodies are deteriorating.
But there's another factor that adds to the problem. There is an enemy that exists in our world and he is after every human creature. His name, of course, is Satan, Lucifer, devil. He is the fallen angel that wanted to be greater than God Almighty. We can read about him in Genesis (as the serpent), Job (1:6-12), Isaiah (especially 14:12-15) and throughout the New Testament. Satan still exists today in all his malevolent spiritual power. As we are warned in 1 Peter 5:8-9, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." Yes, we are in a spiritual battle and the Lord is more powerful than the devil. As we age and become physically weaker, we are prone to this 'roaring lion' who prowls around us and probably laughs with glee as he sees before him a weak, defenseless, hurting elderly person.
Let me give you a personal example. As many of you know, I was suddenly stricken in July, 2010 at age 74, with CNS lymphoma, a rare, aggressive, lethal cancer of the brain. The oncologist told me on July 6, 2010, I had only seven weeks to live. I was not in pain, but I was confused, depressed and worried. Healthy Janet? How could this happen to me? And then I remembered that on May 26, in the middle of the night, I had a vision of Jesus telling me I "would be healed". I wasn't even sick then! As I staggered around trying to alleviate my stress, I constantly experienced a dark cloud approaching me with tentacles trying to grab me. Finally, one night I began to realize this must be Satan trying to attack me. I said, "Satan, why are you trying to get me? I'm just an old woman. I'm not a famous evangelist. Why do you want me?" Then the light dawned on me. Satan wants everyone. When we are physically weak it's hard to fight and Satan knows that. I was blessed because as I felt Satan's claws, I felt the loving arms of Jesus surrounding me, holding me, protecting me and I knew I was safe, and most important, I was healed.
Now as I think about growing older, weaker, disintegrating, finally turning to dust and death, I am assured that my faith in Jesus my Lord will give me sustenance, reassurance and resurrection so there is nothing to fear.
Sunday, January 19, 2020
Monday, December 16, 2019
The Miracle at Christmas
As senior citizens we all have tender years of Christmas memories, from early childhood Santa stories, through teen years kissing under the mistletoe, to hiding gifts for family surprises, and now to enjoying great grandchildren reliving those Christmas traditions. Yes, our lives are filled with decades of Christmases. As we look back over the years, what has made Christmas deep in our lives? Could it be we have never ceased to be overwhelmed with the reality of the proof of God's amazing, miraculous, spiritual, gracious gift of the baby Jesus?
I love Christmas and all the trimmings. There is one powerful element of Christmas that I experience every year. It's in the music, it's in the worship, it's in the thoughtful love of family and friends. Yes, God's presence radiates around us and in us believers as we celebrate the birth of Jesus. It is as if Almighty God pours out a special measure of love on us as He reminds us of that miraculous event.
And a super miracle it was! Just think of the details. First of all, the timing. Rome was the governing power in the world. Rome had built roads, established settlements and communication was possible across cultural differences throughout the Roman world. God knew it was the right time. Then a young teenage virgin girl is suddenly pregnant, never intimately knowing a young man. How could this happen? Scientists say 'impossible'. In order to become pregnant a male sperm must enter a female and fertilize an egg. Mary was a virgin and yet she became pregnant. First of all the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and spoke incredible news to her. Imagine her shock as she heard that she, of all women, would birth the Son of God, the long awaited Messiah. Then when she heard Gabriel tell her about Elizabeth, she knew she had to go talk with Elizabeth.
Imagine the gossip back in Nazareth. Mary engaged to Joseph is pregnant! Oh, what a naughty couple. But Mary knew and believed and trusted God. She knew the scriptures, Isaiah 7:14, "a virgin shall conceive and bear a son and shall call his name Immanuel". When the angel spoke to Joseph he believed and took Mary as his wife. Another miracle!
Shepherds were the low men in the culture at that time. Who would have ever thought simple shepherds would have a starring role in the Christmas story. But there they were, dirty and smelly, watching their innocent lambs during the long starry night. Imagine, "the glory of the Lord shone around them" Luke 2:9, and they saw a heavenly angel speaking to them. Wow! A life changing experience! A Savior. Then were told "Go, see him.......a baby wrapped in rags and lying in a manger" Luke 2:12. Then a "multitude of angels started singing praises to Eternal God" Luke 2:13. Multitude means thousands of heavenly beings. Imagine witnessing that power, that proclamation, that music. Here they were, lowest of low people and yet witnesses of God's immense presence. Of course the shepherds couldn't wait another second to see this newborn who was named Christ the Lord! And they rushed across the fields and to their joy and amazement they found Mary, Joseph and a tiny newborn baby lying in a manger. Can you imagine the shepherds shouting in jubilation all over Bethlehem about this incredible news! The Messiah is born!
We live in a physical world surrounded by material things, comforts and never ending technologies. But how many times do we witness the miraculous touch of God? When we think through the amazing story of Christmas we are confronted with the undeniable truth and reality that there is a God, that God is our Creator, that God is in control of our lives and our physical world. A virgin gave birth to Jesus, our Savior. Angels appeared to Mary, Joseph and the shepherds. Multitude of angels praising God in front of shepherds. No earthly human being could cause this. These phenomena only occur in the presence of spiritual power of the One True God. The miracle of Christmas occurred over two thousand years ago, in God's perfect timing. These events prove without a doubt that Almighty God exists. Never forget that God has a plan for our lives, that God controls our world and blessed us with the Miracle at Christmas. Jesus Christ, Savior, Redeemer is born! Let us, with the heavenly host, praise God!
I love Christmas and all the trimmings. There is one powerful element of Christmas that I experience every year. It's in the music, it's in the worship, it's in the thoughtful love of family and friends. Yes, God's presence radiates around us and in us believers as we celebrate the birth of Jesus. It is as if Almighty God pours out a special measure of love on us as He reminds us of that miraculous event.
And a super miracle it was! Just think of the details. First of all, the timing. Rome was the governing power in the world. Rome had built roads, established settlements and communication was possible across cultural differences throughout the Roman world. God knew it was the right time. Then a young teenage virgin girl is suddenly pregnant, never intimately knowing a young man. How could this happen? Scientists say 'impossible'. In order to become pregnant a male sperm must enter a female and fertilize an egg. Mary was a virgin and yet she became pregnant. First of all the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and spoke incredible news to her. Imagine her shock as she heard that she, of all women, would birth the Son of God, the long awaited Messiah. Then when she heard Gabriel tell her about Elizabeth, she knew she had to go talk with Elizabeth.
Imagine the gossip back in Nazareth. Mary engaged to Joseph is pregnant! Oh, what a naughty couple. But Mary knew and believed and trusted God. She knew the scriptures, Isaiah 7:14, "a virgin shall conceive and bear a son and shall call his name Immanuel". When the angel spoke to Joseph he believed and took Mary as his wife. Another miracle!
Shepherds were the low men in the culture at that time. Who would have ever thought simple shepherds would have a starring role in the Christmas story. But there they were, dirty and smelly, watching their innocent lambs during the long starry night. Imagine, "the glory of the Lord shone around them" Luke 2:9, and they saw a heavenly angel speaking to them. Wow! A life changing experience! A Savior. Then were told "Go, see him.......a baby wrapped in rags and lying in a manger" Luke 2:12. Then a "multitude of angels started singing praises to Eternal God" Luke 2:13. Multitude means thousands of heavenly beings. Imagine witnessing that power, that proclamation, that music. Here they were, lowest of low people and yet witnesses of God's immense presence. Of course the shepherds couldn't wait another second to see this newborn who was named Christ the Lord! And they rushed across the fields and to their joy and amazement they found Mary, Joseph and a tiny newborn baby lying in a manger. Can you imagine the shepherds shouting in jubilation all over Bethlehem about this incredible news! The Messiah is born!
We live in a physical world surrounded by material things, comforts and never ending technologies. But how many times do we witness the miraculous touch of God? When we think through the amazing story of Christmas we are confronted with the undeniable truth and reality that there is a God, that God is our Creator, that God is in control of our lives and our physical world. A virgin gave birth to Jesus, our Savior. Angels appeared to Mary, Joseph and the shepherds. Multitude of angels praising God in front of shepherds. No earthly human being could cause this. These phenomena only occur in the presence of spiritual power of the One True God. The miracle of Christmas occurred over two thousand years ago, in God's perfect timing. These events prove without a doubt that Almighty God exists. Never forget that God has a plan for our lives, that God controls our world and blessed us with the Miracle at Christmas. Jesus Christ, Savior, Redeemer is born! Let us, with the heavenly host, praise God!
Sunday, November 17, 2019
Do we like change?
We all undergo change in our lives. True, change can be exciting, dramatic, beneficial, happy.....but what about the change that is unexpected, tragic, debilitating and 'old age' related? Most of us in our senior years laugh at the thought we are getting 'old'. We deny it, we ignore it, we point to others but not ourselves and we avoid looking in the mirror. Have you attended your latest High School reunion and honestly looked at your fellow classmates? You laugh and say, "Oh my, has she aged!" and "He was the football star?" But ourselves? "Oh, we don't look so bad." Our culture is so youth oriented that if we are filled with facial wrinkles, if we walk bent over with a cane or walker, then people look away because 'old age' may be contagious. Of course we all grow old. That is the natural progression of our physical bodies and we cannot escape it. So we better accept it and live proudly and boldly.
But the problem is we have trouble accepting the major change called aging. It is natural, it happens to everyone but we have difficulty accepting this huge change in our lives.....aging. For example, we begin to downsize our lives realizing that the big house we've had for years isn't necessary any longer. So we move into a condo. Then suddenly we fall and have to be hospitalized and then weeks of therapy. Do we return to the condo? Maybe. Then your spouse has dementia. You lovingly care for him for several years. But then the dementia progresses and you are forced to place him in a memory care facility. And where are you? Home alone. Or you suffer from a stroke and after weeks of rehab you still cannot function in your condo and you are placed in a long term care nursing facility. These are major changes. Are we prepared for them? Do we like them? Of course not, but this is the reality of senior living in a world of constant change. Add to that the financial cost of medical and nursing care, which can totally alter our economic picture. That is a gigantic change.
Most stressful change is the loss of our spouse. Here we are in our eighties with over 60 years of marriage. We still love each other, we still cuddle at night lying next to each other. We still reach out to each other with hugs and kisses. We still know exactly what we are thinking, what our favorite TV shows are, what team we cheer for......when all of a sudden death intrudes and forever severs our lives apart. And only one is left....alone, quiet, no hugs, no one snoring in our bed, no one sharing coffee cake and ice cream......and the tears and sobs convulse us. This is huge change.
So how do we handle these monumental challenges in our senior years? Let's start by remembering in detail the amazing lives we experienced with ourselves and with our spouses. We have books of photos, we have memorabilia, we have framed pictures of our families. All these precious memories can bring smiles to our faces. True, we may become teary eyed looking at albums, but our past years can bring much joy.
What I am concentrating on now is being gracious in my outlook....not complaining. Also, remembering my life..... all that I did accomplish. And even though I may feel I am not accomplishing much now in my eighties, being thankful for the wonderful, exciting, joyful experiences I have had. Raising four super kids who have made amazing accomplishments in their own lives. Working as a nurse teaching expectant parent classes back in the 60s and head nurse in gero/psych. Performing as soloist for Norman Vincent Peale as well as singing solo evangelistic concerts across the US, Canada, Mexico, Japan and now writing a blog and column for Holland Sentinel.
We cannot live in the past but memories are precious and sustain us in our senior years. Don't be afraid of sharing your own amazing stories. Be proud of them. Let people know what you did and how your life was filled with joy. God gives us these gifts that we use in our lifetime to bless and help others. So communicate the wonderful changes that occurred in your lifetime. That way, your physical,, emotional, mental changes into old age will be filled with thoughts of "Well done, good and faithful servant."
But the problem is we have trouble accepting the major change called aging. It is natural, it happens to everyone but we have difficulty accepting this huge change in our lives.....aging. For example, we begin to downsize our lives realizing that the big house we've had for years isn't necessary any longer. So we move into a condo. Then suddenly we fall and have to be hospitalized and then weeks of therapy. Do we return to the condo? Maybe. Then your spouse has dementia. You lovingly care for him for several years. But then the dementia progresses and you are forced to place him in a memory care facility. And where are you? Home alone. Or you suffer from a stroke and after weeks of rehab you still cannot function in your condo and you are placed in a long term care nursing facility. These are major changes. Are we prepared for them? Do we like them? Of course not, but this is the reality of senior living in a world of constant change. Add to that the financial cost of medical and nursing care, which can totally alter our economic picture. That is a gigantic change.
Most stressful change is the loss of our spouse. Here we are in our eighties with over 60 years of marriage. We still love each other, we still cuddle at night lying next to each other. We still reach out to each other with hugs and kisses. We still know exactly what we are thinking, what our favorite TV shows are, what team we cheer for......when all of a sudden death intrudes and forever severs our lives apart. And only one is left....alone, quiet, no hugs, no one snoring in our bed, no one sharing coffee cake and ice cream......and the tears and sobs convulse us. This is huge change.
So how do we handle these monumental challenges in our senior years? Let's start by remembering in detail the amazing lives we experienced with ourselves and with our spouses. We have books of photos, we have memorabilia, we have framed pictures of our families. All these precious memories can bring smiles to our faces. True, we may become teary eyed looking at albums, but our past years can bring much joy.
What I am concentrating on now is being gracious in my outlook....not complaining. Also, remembering my life..... all that I did accomplish. And even though I may feel I am not accomplishing much now in my eighties, being thankful for the wonderful, exciting, joyful experiences I have had. Raising four super kids who have made amazing accomplishments in their own lives. Working as a nurse teaching expectant parent classes back in the 60s and head nurse in gero/psych. Performing as soloist for Norman Vincent Peale as well as singing solo evangelistic concerts across the US, Canada, Mexico, Japan and now writing a blog and column for Holland Sentinel.
We cannot live in the past but memories are precious and sustain us in our senior years. Don't be afraid of sharing your own amazing stories. Be proud of them. Let people know what you did and how your life was filled with joy. God gives us these gifts that we use in our lifetime to bless and help others. So communicate the wonderful changes that occurred in your lifetime. That way, your physical,, emotional, mental changes into old age will be filled with thoughts of "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Monday, October 14, 2019
"Just a touch..."
Recently I had the opportunity to reach out to two of my friends in a very meaningful way. As I was leaving the dining room after our noon meal, I noticed a dear friend having difficulty standing up. Her table mates had left and she was alone. I immediately put on 'nurse mode' and walked over to assist. Nurses will understand what I mean by 'nurse mode' because once a nurse, always a nurse. Having graduated from Columbia University-Presbyterian Medical Center in New York City back in 1959, that training has never left me. "Are you OK?" I questioned. She responded in slurred speech and I knew we had a problem. Long story short......management alerted, emergency called, ambulance arrived and she was taken for observation to nearest hospital. But all the time I stood by her side, wrapped my arm around her shoulders, patted her hand, spoke softly to her not to be afraid because help was coming, constantly giving her assurance I was there to give her stability and comfort. My friend continues to thank me for that day and the comfort she experienced.
About a month later a friend at a nearby table suddenly vomited. Table mates quickly moved away and again I leapt into nurse mode to move to his side. Again management alerted, EMT arrived with stretcher. I stood at his side gently and tenderly rubbing his back while the house staff scurried around, asking questions, wiping the table with towels. I kept reminding him professional help was there. I spoke in a calm, quiet voice, giving him hugs.
Have you ever been in a situation when you are suddenly injured or you throw up in the check-out line of the supermarket? Strangers surround you in panic mode, yelling for help, trying to figure what's going on......and there you are....injured or sick and scared to death! How wonderful when someone stands there with love, calm and assurance. And the manner in which that is communicated is with 'just a touch'. Yes, our hands communicate our hearts of love.
Touch is so important these days with all the social media imploding our lives with short non-personal messaging. Our physical bodies and emotional hearts crave a touch of love. Think about babies. Instinctively a baby cries if hungry or uncomfortable. And what happens when Mommy picks up that baby and holds him/her in love. The baby stops crying and greets Mommy with an adorable smile.
We seniors need touches of love. Many of us have lost our mates and spend many hours grieving. Our children, who we cuddled and held in our arms, think of their own children and basically resort to the "Hi!" hug and "See you!" wave with us elderly parents. But even though we are old, we still need touches of love. Just a hand on an arm, just a quick hug, just an arm around shoulders reminds us that someone does care about us and remembers us. When we place a hand on a friend, our heart is in that hand. Our hands have a great ability to communicate. Unfortunately, our culture has screamed warnings about touching because of sexual innuendos.
I have countless experiences when someone has hugged me, held my hand, patted my shoulders and in that way told me they care about me and any problems I have. And nothing is more glorious when in joy we rejoice at good news with big hugs. I have heard some people were brought up with no hugs and kisses from parents. These folk are starving for love.
What did Jesus do? Luke 18: 16....."People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have Him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to Him and said, 'Let the little children come unto Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" Yes, Jesus hugged the children and held them on His lap. And then Jesus said,"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Don't be afraid of loving someone by hugging. Of course, do it properly and morally and put those fear mongers to silence. We all need a touch of love. We senior citizens may be in our eighties and nineties but we need touches of love just like a little child.
About a month later a friend at a nearby table suddenly vomited. Table mates quickly moved away and again I leapt into nurse mode to move to his side. Again management alerted, EMT arrived with stretcher. I stood at his side gently and tenderly rubbing his back while the house staff scurried around, asking questions, wiping the table with towels. I kept reminding him professional help was there. I spoke in a calm, quiet voice, giving him hugs.
Have you ever been in a situation when you are suddenly injured or you throw up in the check-out line of the supermarket? Strangers surround you in panic mode, yelling for help, trying to figure what's going on......and there you are....injured or sick and scared to death! How wonderful when someone stands there with love, calm and assurance. And the manner in which that is communicated is with 'just a touch'. Yes, our hands communicate our hearts of love.
Touch is so important these days with all the social media imploding our lives with short non-personal messaging. Our physical bodies and emotional hearts crave a touch of love. Think about babies. Instinctively a baby cries if hungry or uncomfortable. And what happens when Mommy picks up that baby and holds him/her in love. The baby stops crying and greets Mommy with an adorable smile.
We seniors need touches of love. Many of us have lost our mates and spend many hours grieving. Our children, who we cuddled and held in our arms, think of their own children and basically resort to the "Hi!" hug and "See you!" wave with us elderly parents. But even though we are old, we still need touches of love. Just a hand on an arm, just a quick hug, just an arm around shoulders reminds us that someone does care about us and remembers us. When we place a hand on a friend, our heart is in that hand. Our hands have a great ability to communicate. Unfortunately, our culture has screamed warnings about touching because of sexual innuendos.
I have countless experiences when someone has hugged me, held my hand, patted my shoulders and in that way told me they care about me and any problems I have. And nothing is more glorious when in joy we rejoice at good news with big hugs. I have heard some people were brought up with no hugs and kisses from parents. These folk are starving for love.
What did Jesus do? Luke 18: 16....."People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have Him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to Him and said, 'Let the little children come unto Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'" Yes, Jesus hugged the children and held them on His lap. And then Jesus said,"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."
Don't be afraid of loving someone by hugging. Of course, do it properly and morally and put those fear mongers to silence. We all need a touch of love. We senior citizens may be in our eighties and nineties but we need touches of love just like a little child.
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Are you afraid to pray?
I remember in my younger years sitting with a group of women in a circle having a Bible Study. I was probably the youngest in the group. We were completing our discussion when the leader announced, "Let's all pray. We'll go around the circle." I suddenly panicked! Yikes! I have to pray out loud! I'm 5th in line. What am I going to say? What will these people think of me?
Have you ever had that experience? I'm sure all of us have panicked with the sudden realization that we are required to pray in public. We compare ourselves to those around us thinking they are so much more gifted and probably sound like theologians. I've known many who, when invited to be part of a regular prayer group, decline to attend because they feel inadequate to pray out loud. Why do we feel that way? Are we so amazed, intimidated, fearful, or speechless before Almighty God? The scripture states again and again how much God loves us and wants to have fellowship with us. How can we have fellowship and not have a conversation? In our physical lives we all have friends. How do we have relationships and grow friendships? We talk!
Many of us seniors were brought up in an era when we only heard formal, eccesiastical prayers prayed with perfect tone and formality by a distinguished member of clergy. We were impressed by his sanctimonious words and realized he was properly praying and let no one ever think otherwise. Thus, when it came to me, a female with no seminary education, how could I even think of leading a group in prayer. But, as I learned more about Jesus, that He was loving and personal, I realized my praying could be more relaxed. I found I wanted to open my heart, tell Him all that was in there, good and bad. As a result, I lost that fear of praying and grew in meaningful, powerful 'talk' with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
You might ask, "Does God really want to talk to me, have a conversation width me, listen to me talk to Him?" Well, think of this. God chose to create us, out of His great love. Jeremiah 31:3, "I have loved you with an everlasting love". God loved us even before He created us. When you love someone that much you want conversation. As a parent I love our children intensely. No matter what they say, do or think, I will still love them. I birthed them, nursed them, supported them, encouraged them, disciplined them, cried with them, laughed with them. They will always be our children. That thought gives me some understanding of how much God loves me. He loves me eternally. And as I yearn to talk with our kids in deep conversations, God wants to talk with me. Prayer is the avenue of conversation with God.
So how do we talk with God? For one thing, be yourself. God knows you, your needs, your pain, your sorrow, your joys, your struggles, your victories.....even before you open your mouth and utter the words. I have found when I pray it's like talking to my best friend. Not to minimize Almighty God, but I feel intimacy with Him. He does know all about me. When I express my happiness to Him I rejoice knowing I shared that with my Jesus. And when I weep as I struggle with a personal situation I find comfort knowing He understands.
This personal prayer relationship is especially vital to widows and widowers, who number many in our senior population. Having had a spouse who shared everything with you, now you are left alone to find answers to family matters, financial questions, physical challenges and living arrangements. Our Lord is a personal, loving God who listens and guides. Talk to Jesus and He will comfort you.
If you are invited to be a part of a community prayer group, rejoice! You will never regret the decision to join. I am part of a community prayer group. Sometimes we all pray, sometimes a few pray. We pour our our hearts to our Lord God sharing our joys and struggles. We weep, we laugh, we sing, we stumble over words, we make grammatical errors, but we pray. As the 30 minutes end, we feel refreshed, revitalized and blessed that we have met in community prayer. A benefit to all of us.
Have you ever had that experience? I'm sure all of us have panicked with the sudden realization that we are required to pray in public. We compare ourselves to those around us thinking they are so much more gifted and probably sound like theologians. I've known many who, when invited to be part of a regular prayer group, decline to attend because they feel inadequate to pray out loud. Why do we feel that way? Are we so amazed, intimidated, fearful, or speechless before Almighty God? The scripture states again and again how much God loves us and wants to have fellowship with us. How can we have fellowship and not have a conversation? In our physical lives we all have friends. How do we have relationships and grow friendships? We talk!
Many of us seniors were brought up in an era when we only heard formal, eccesiastical prayers prayed with perfect tone and formality by a distinguished member of clergy. We were impressed by his sanctimonious words and realized he was properly praying and let no one ever think otherwise. Thus, when it came to me, a female with no seminary education, how could I even think of leading a group in prayer. But, as I learned more about Jesus, that He was loving and personal, I realized my praying could be more relaxed. I found I wanted to open my heart, tell Him all that was in there, good and bad. As a result, I lost that fear of praying and grew in meaningful, powerful 'talk' with Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
You might ask, "Does God really want to talk to me, have a conversation width me, listen to me talk to Him?" Well, think of this. God chose to create us, out of His great love. Jeremiah 31:3, "I have loved you with an everlasting love". God loved us even before He created us. When you love someone that much you want conversation. As a parent I love our children intensely. No matter what they say, do or think, I will still love them. I birthed them, nursed them, supported them, encouraged them, disciplined them, cried with them, laughed with them. They will always be our children. That thought gives me some understanding of how much God loves me. He loves me eternally. And as I yearn to talk with our kids in deep conversations, God wants to talk with me. Prayer is the avenue of conversation with God.
So how do we talk with God? For one thing, be yourself. God knows you, your needs, your pain, your sorrow, your joys, your struggles, your victories.....even before you open your mouth and utter the words. I have found when I pray it's like talking to my best friend. Not to minimize Almighty God, but I feel intimacy with Him. He does know all about me. When I express my happiness to Him I rejoice knowing I shared that with my Jesus. And when I weep as I struggle with a personal situation I find comfort knowing He understands.
This personal prayer relationship is especially vital to widows and widowers, who number many in our senior population. Having had a spouse who shared everything with you, now you are left alone to find answers to family matters, financial questions, physical challenges and living arrangements. Our Lord is a personal, loving God who listens and guides. Talk to Jesus and He will comfort you.
If you are invited to be a part of a community prayer group, rejoice! You will never regret the decision to join. I am part of a community prayer group. Sometimes we all pray, sometimes a few pray. We pour our our hearts to our Lord God sharing our joys and struggles. We weep, we laugh, we sing, we stumble over words, we make grammatical errors, but we pray. As the 30 minutes end, we feel refreshed, revitalized and blessed that we have met in community prayer. A benefit to all of us.
Sunday, August 18, 2019
"But.....what if?"
I am a mother of four children. Of course, at this stage of my life, our children are all in their fifties and dealing with the rapid maturity of their own children. But, I remember so well how, as their mother, I was constantly attentive to the 'what ifs' in their lives. As they were toddlers, I remember literally counting the four of them when Dick drove the car out of the garage, carefully making sure they were not in the driveway. Yes, we mothers were always conscious of all the possibly dangerous times of 'what ifs'. Women have been given an innate sense of looking after others. And that is what makes us natural care-givers.
Now in our eighties, many women are care-givers for their spouse who needs health care assistance. Then, as their spouse declines in health, women continue giving care until death do they part. They accept that role unconditionally. Women are not automatically registered nurses, but they lovingly care for their spouse to the best of their ability. Just as women cared for their children, they now care for adult loved ones. Sometimes it's just monitoring schedules, meds, appointments, or supporting, encouraging and protecting dementia victims. The care can become more challenging with needs regarding physical conditions including helping them bathe, feeding them, even giving bedside nursing care. Women feel driven to continue care as long as they are able. Men seem to have more difficulty dealing with caring for a spouse with physical or mental challenges, which is understandable since it is innate in women to be care-givers.
When we talk about the 'what ifs', we, in our eighties, should be mindful of our own end-of-life situations. This is when you hear seniors frequently stating, "I don't want to talk about that...now". Why not now? Why are we so negative about being prepared and planning ahead? Just like we were concerned about safety hazards when our families were young and we did everything we could to avoid accidents, why don't we want to prepare for our last days on earth? For example......what if I drop dead in Meijers (or the local super market)? Have I made decisions about 'Do Not Resuscitate'? Because if I haven't signed legal forms and carry copies of that legal form with me, emergency personnel have no idea that I wish 'Do Not Resuscitate'. If I am not wearing a 'Do Not Resuscitate' bracelet, do not have 'DNR' tattooed on my chest and do not carry those legal forms with me, emergency personnel are required to pound on my chest for hours in hopes my heart starts beating again. Then I could end up in a vegetative state in a skilled nursing home at $12,000 (minimum) a month! Do I want to burden my family with that? Do I want my family to have to make the decision to pull the plug and terminate life giving support? Why not be prepared for the 'what ifs' in our senior days?
How can I be prepared? First of all, if you live in an independent retirement facility, speak to the personnel at your front desk about legal forms to ensure 'Do Not Resuscitate' or talk to your primary care physician. Then fill out those forms immediately because you will need physician signature and witnesses. Many seniors respond by saying, "Oh yes, I have those legal forms in my safe." Unfortunately, no one is going to dig those papers out of your safe if you have dropped on the floor of your local church while everyone is singing the closing hymn.
Talk to your families. Be specific. Talk about planning your funeral and, most important, pre-pay. That way, your family does not have the financial burden. Funerals now can cost over $12,000 for regular casket, viewing, etc. and over $4,000 for cremation. Even printing the obituary can be expensive. Be sure all details are taken care of and paid for now. Think about your families. Our children dearly love us. But imagine how they would feel if we suddenly died and none of these decisions have been made. Our children have their own families. They have their own financial burdens. Why do we want to place more financial stress on them?
In a way, we actually need legal permission to die. How ridiculous! Years ago people just died, but today we need legal papers to tell the world "Let me die". Take care of the 'what ifs' now, so your entrance into Heaven leaves no burdens behind.
Now in our eighties, many women are care-givers for their spouse who needs health care assistance. Then, as their spouse declines in health, women continue giving care until death do they part. They accept that role unconditionally. Women are not automatically registered nurses, but they lovingly care for their spouse to the best of their ability. Just as women cared for their children, they now care for adult loved ones. Sometimes it's just monitoring schedules, meds, appointments, or supporting, encouraging and protecting dementia victims. The care can become more challenging with needs regarding physical conditions including helping them bathe, feeding them, even giving bedside nursing care. Women feel driven to continue care as long as they are able. Men seem to have more difficulty dealing with caring for a spouse with physical or mental challenges, which is understandable since it is innate in women to be care-givers.
When we talk about the 'what ifs', we, in our eighties, should be mindful of our own end-of-life situations. This is when you hear seniors frequently stating, "I don't want to talk about that...now". Why not now? Why are we so negative about being prepared and planning ahead? Just like we were concerned about safety hazards when our families were young and we did everything we could to avoid accidents, why don't we want to prepare for our last days on earth? For example......what if I drop dead in Meijers (or the local super market)? Have I made decisions about 'Do Not Resuscitate'? Because if I haven't signed legal forms and carry copies of that legal form with me, emergency personnel have no idea that I wish 'Do Not Resuscitate'. If I am not wearing a 'Do Not Resuscitate' bracelet, do not have 'DNR' tattooed on my chest and do not carry those legal forms with me, emergency personnel are required to pound on my chest for hours in hopes my heart starts beating again. Then I could end up in a vegetative state in a skilled nursing home at $12,000 (minimum) a month! Do I want to burden my family with that? Do I want my family to have to make the decision to pull the plug and terminate life giving support? Why not be prepared for the 'what ifs' in our senior days?
How can I be prepared? First of all, if you live in an independent retirement facility, speak to the personnel at your front desk about legal forms to ensure 'Do Not Resuscitate' or talk to your primary care physician. Then fill out those forms immediately because you will need physician signature and witnesses. Many seniors respond by saying, "Oh yes, I have those legal forms in my safe." Unfortunately, no one is going to dig those papers out of your safe if you have dropped on the floor of your local church while everyone is singing the closing hymn.
Talk to your families. Be specific. Talk about planning your funeral and, most important, pre-pay. That way, your family does not have the financial burden. Funerals now can cost over $12,000 for regular casket, viewing, etc. and over $4,000 for cremation. Even printing the obituary can be expensive. Be sure all details are taken care of and paid for now. Think about your families. Our children dearly love us. But imagine how they would feel if we suddenly died and none of these decisions have been made. Our children have their own families. They have their own financial burdens. Why do we want to place more financial stress on them?
In a way, we actually need legal permission to die. How ridiculous! Years ago people just died, but today we need legal papers to tell the world "Let me die". Take care of the 'what ifs' now, so your entrance into Heaven leaves no burdens behind.
Tuesday, July 16, 2019
Aging 101
Now that I'm in my mid-eighties I wish I had taken that course. Of course no college or university teaches "Aging 101" but as I find myself living in the final decades of my life I wish I could have been better prepared for these years. When I was in my fifties I recall the ads proclaiming the joys and freedom of retirement. Play golf, come to Florida, take a cruise, just relax! Dick and I did travel and did have a wonderful 20 year retirement living in our lake house in Canada. But then our world crashed when I was suddenly diagnosed with CNS lymphoma (brain cancer) and told I had seven weeks to live. Miraculously the Lord healed me but the cancer left me with right-sided weakness so that I walk slowly with a cane and am unable to use my right arm. Had I prepared for that? No.
The first challenge we face in "Aging 101" are physical health problems. Our bodies are declining in strength, we are slowly decaying. Depending on our life style, major changes take place. Hearts weaken, lungs fill up, muscles atrophy, major organs break down. And we are filled with pills, undergo replacement surgeries, all to prolong our lives in whatever condition medicine can achieve. A hundred years ago people just died but now the medical world strives to prolong our lives. Many treatments and surgeries are successful and seniors maintain quality of life. But there may come a time when we choose to call in hospice and peacefully let death take over. Are we prepared for those decisions?
Another challenge is dementia. Every 45 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a tragic brain illness that is rapidly increasing its attack on our senior population. The 'amyloid beta' cells in our brains form plaques and the 'tau' form tangles so that simple messages are not transmitted. There is a protein imbalance in our brains, nerve cells die and the brain shrinks. Thus memory loss and confusion result. In these situations, wives and husbands become caregivers of their spouses. Then as the dementia and Alzheimer's progresses, which it definitely does, the painful decision is made to place the loved one in a 'memory care' facility. After 50 or 60 years of marriage one is left alone knowing the spouse is alive but can't even recognize them. Are we prepared for that pain?
Another aging challenge is financial. Most of today's senior citizens were born around the Great Depression and have respected and closely watched their money. Most of us never went into debt, always paid bills on time, scrupulously kept a budget and thus saved money for retirement. Many of us hold retirement pensions, unheard of today. As our physical bodies deteriorate, hospitalizations and 'assisted living' facilities and 'long term care' facilities become necessary to care for ourselves or our loved one. What a shock when we are faced with the cost! What is deeply troubling is that certain corporations know seniors need these facilities, know these seniors have money and thus the corporations charge exorbitant fees. For example, $12,000 a month for long term skilled nursing care, $4,000 to $6,000 a month for memory care. No one prepared us for these expenditures. Even if we have saved inheritance money for our families we are faced with seeing those funds disappear in order to care for our loved one. Certainly not what we had planned.
Let me share our personal situation. My husband is diagnosed with "mild dementia/Alzheimer's late onset". I am handicapped with right-sided weakness. I am the caregiver. We have been married 60 years and still love each other dearly. Dick does not wander and does not hallucinate, the two red lines. I handle all decisions - financial, appointments, activities, schedules. I have to oversee personal hygiene, medications, diet. I have to monitor my own behavior so that I don't become impatient, irritable, annoyed or critical but constantly show love, support and encouragement. Of course when I am fatigued I 'lose it' and then guilt engulfs me. All caregivers understand. But I was not prepared for this.
The one positive note is that I am a believer. The One who sustains me and surrounds me with love, protection, understanding and strength is my Lord, Jesus. God said in Hebrews 13:5, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." God keeps His promises and He knows my struggles with "Aging 101".
The first challenge we face in "Aging 101" are physical health problems. Our bodies are declining in strength, we are slowly decaying. Depending on our life style, major changes take place. Hearts weaken, lungs fill up, muscles atrophy, major organs break down. And we are filled with pills, undergo replacement surgeries, all to prolong our lives in whatever condition medicine can achieve. A hundred years ago people just died but now the medical world strives to prolong our lives. Many treatments and surgeries are successful and seniors maintain quality of life. But there may come a time when we choose to call in hospice and peacefully let death take over. Are we prepared for those decisions?
Another challenge is dementia. Every 45 seconds someone is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, a tragic brain illness that is rapidly increasing its attack on our senior population. The 'amyloid beta' cells in our brains form plaques and the 'tau' form tangles so that simple messages are not transmitted. There is a protein imbalance in our brains, nerve cells die and the brain shrinks. Thus memory loss and confusion result. In these situations, wives and husbands become caregivers of their spouses. Then as the dementia and Alzheimer's progresses, which it definitely does, the painful decision is made to place the loved one in a 'memory care' facility. After 50 or 60 years of marriage one is left alone knowing the spouse is alive but can't even recognize them. Are we prepared for that pain?
Another aging challenge is financial. Most of today's senior citizens were born around the Great Depression and have respected and closely watched their money. Most of us never went into debt, always paid bills on time, scrupulously kept a budget and thus saved money for retirement. Many of us hold retirement pensions, unheard of today. As our physical bodies deteriorate, hospitalizations and 'assisted living' facilities and 'long term care' facilities become necessary to care for ourselves or our loved one. What a shock when we are faced with the cost! What is deeply troubling is that certain corporations know seniors need these facilities, know these seniors have money and thus the corporations charge exorbitant fees. For example, $12,000 a month for long term skilled nursing care, $4,000 to $6,000 a month for memory care. No one prepared us for these expenditures. Even if we have saved inheritance money for our families we are faced with seeing those funds disappear in order to care for our loved one. Certainly not what we had planned.
Let me share our personal situation. My husband is diagnosed with "mild dementia/Alzheimer's late onset". I am handicapped with right-sided weakness. I am the caregiver. We have been married 60 years and still love each other dearly. Dick does not wander and does not hallucinate, the two red lines. I handle all decisions - financial, appointments, activities, schedules. I have to oversee personal hygiene, medications, diet. I have to monitor my own behavior so that I don't become impatient, irritable, annoyed or critical but constantly show love, support and encouragement. Of course when I am fatigued I 'lose it' and then guilt engulfs me. All caregivers understand. But I was not prepared for this.
The one positive note is that I am a believer. The One who sustains me and surrounds me with love, protection, understanding and strength is my Lord, Jesus. God said in Hebrews 13:5, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." God keeps His promises and He knows my struggles with "Aging 101".
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