Your Birthday is your special day!

I love birthdays!.  Of course I love my own birthday but every birthday is special.  It is the day you were born.  The day when our Creator God planned for you to enter the world.  Your day when your small infant body breathed its first breath of air and obediently uttered a gleeful cry.  It's the moment your tiny body discovered that nine months in the womb gave you love and comfort but now it was time to begin living decades of life in our physical world.  And your newborn squeals announced to Mommy and Daddy that you were alive and well.  Everyone celebrated because you, the baby, was born!

 As a nurse I have witnessed the birth of many babies and I'm always amazed at birth.  The fact that a tiny sperm and a tiny egg celebrate marital love by meeting in a female body and joining together in a moment of conception is miraculous.  And nine months later a tiny baby pushes and glides into open air and screams, "Hi everyone! I'm here!"  It is a miracle!  A God ordained miracle that no man or woman on this earth could duplicate.  We are all participants of that miracle.  As we continue to grow and mature I trust we all remember how we got here.

As we celebrate each yearly birthday we experience the wonderful challenges of aging.  Remember when we were youngsters, six years old, and when asked "How old are you?", we would respond by announcing proudly "Almost seven".  And now in our eighties we reply "58!", instead of "85!"  We are proud of our lives and continually aim to make the most of all our endeavors.  But as we grow into the senior years of our lives we begin to take a hard look.  Was I selfish?  Did I put work in front of 'family', so they had more money to play with?  Was I honest or did I take advantage of people?  Or was I generous, always tithing my money to help others?  Did I truly love my children, listen to them, encourage them, praise them and also discipline them carefully or was I always on my phone?  Honest assessments, but we in our eighties still have time and opportunity to straighten our lives.

It is joyful fun to celebrate a birthday.  Dick's birthday was December 23, two day before Christmas.  He grew up remembering lots of Birthday/Christmas celebrations so when we married I was determined to make his Birthday special in addition to Christmas.  For years his favorite cake was 'Pineapple Upside Down' cake and even though that was odd, that was how we celebrated.  As our family grew, the 'family' Birthday cake became 'Mrs. Caffery's Chocolate Cake' from a friend, delicious cake made with one cup of cold coffee and one cup of cocoa.  "Hmm, good."  Family traditions are so important when it comes to birthdays.  We remember birthdays as a child and yearn to continue that tradition.

Well, I just celebrated a birthday milestone.  On April 6, I turned 85 years.  As the number of years hit me, I realized, looking back, I never dreamt I would live this long.  I remember thinking '85' was 'OLD'.  I remember wondering, would I live that long?  Then I also started re-living and remembering 85 years.  I remember being a flower girl in Aunt Muriel's wedding, when I was five, walking down the church aisle, tossing little flowers out of my basket (which I still have) and gazing up at all the people smiling at me.  I remember handing out Hershey's chocolate 'kisses' in 8th grade when I ran for president of my homeroom.  By the way, I won!  I remember Mommy hanging out clothes on the clothesline that ran from our outside deck to the garage.  No driers back in those days and oh, the sheets always smelled so fresh.  I remember WW II with air raid drills and walking silently down the school steps to the basement where we knelt and covered our heads with our arms to protect us if bombs fell.  I remember Daddy as a Volunteer fireman, piling his fireman clothes in the bathroom at night in case he got a call to fight a fire.  Memories go on and on.

Birthdays are special and may you celebrate many wonderful 'HAPPY BIRTHDAYS' as you thank the Lord for the miracle of your birth.

How are you GIVING OF YOURSELF in your senior years?

Do we remember when we senior citizens were in our 50s and started planning for retirement?   Where would we live?  Where would we play golf?  Where were the best restaurants?  Would we move to Florida and enjoy warm winters?  Would we want to be close to our family?  All these questions, and then we made our decision based on what our enjoyment would be for the rest of our life.  Now we are in our 80s and where are we?  We are all living longer lives and we are facing many challenges.  Suddenly our spouse dies, what do we do?  Suddenly our health deteriorates, what's next?  Here we are looking back and remembering all the creative, professional, corporate decisions we made and what are we doing now?  Are we watching TV all day, or waiting to be entertained by our families, or just sitting around?

Each one of us has special gifts that we are born with.  Each of us is totally different with various abilities, personalities, likes and dislikes.  When you think of the millions and millions of human beings that have been born in this world by our Creator God, isn't it amazing that no two people are alike.  Since we are totally different from another person, why not let that unique, special individuality shine through in our senior years.  

For example, I have an 85-year-old friend who was a manager in a large corporation. He now volunteers every week parceling out foods to needy people. When the delivery slows down, he may start 'line dancing' with other volunteers to give some joy to the hundreds of cars lined up. The people waiting for food start laughing and clapping. He is giving himself to others. I have another friend who served as a foreign missionary. She now privately visits senior citizens living in Assisted Living facilities and talks and laughs with them.  Another woman helps seniors write their own histories. What a wonderful job because those private stories are treasured by grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Of course, as we age, we do slow down.  Maybe more day-time naps, maybe less physical endurance, maybe no car because of our age. But that's why we need to reach out and accomplish something for others. Giving of ourselves makes us feel productive.  Something as simple as making frequent phone calls to friends. No, not 'texting', but 'talking'.  How about baking delicious brownies for your working neighbors?  Are you able to write poetry?  That's a special talent. I know someone who writes personal poems and sends them to people she meets.  Since we seniors have been immersed in years of business life, we could volunteer our talents by giving talks to community groups which would be appreciated.  How about teaching? Not in a formal classroom but by sharing our past experiences.

Basically, we need to find our special niche and DO SOMETHING.  Let's not spend time with friends gossiping about other seniors who we are 'jealous of' or 'don't like'.  Let's not waste time laughing at other seniors' weaknesses.  Let's do something that will result in our lives being remembered for: "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control".  Sound familiar?  Yes, that's Galatians 5: 22-23.

As we live out our senior years, how do we want to be remembered?  We have one life to live and God wants us to live humbly, obediently and righteously.  When I review those words that are the fruit of the Spirit, I am reminded of what I can do as I live out my remaining years on earth.  First, we all have 'time'. Remember those decades that we 'never had time' to do lots of special things? We were all too busy with business appointments, our children's needs and wants, professional demands, etc.  Now I have time to choose what volunteer jobs I want to immerse myself in.

Yes, as we near the end of our physical, earthly life span, how wonderful it will be to know we are living out our purpose in life.  That purpose is to be God's ambassadors in this sinful world so that the people we touch will know the eternal love of Jesus.  'GIVING OF OURSELVES' by showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, we will meet our Lord in Heaven and hear,  "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The COVID story doesn't stop........

Remember  the beginning of 2020?  New year with the usual hopes and aspirations.  Then we started to hear about a strange virus that reportedly started in China.  I remember thinking..... China is far away, our medical team here in the US will be able to control this virus.  That was the beginning, and looking back, what a year it has been.  Lockdowns pronounced on senior citizen living facilities.  We could not enjoy visits with our families.  We could not show affection to our loved ones, no hugs, no kisses, follow rules  staying 6 feet apart.  Here we are in our senior years, needing love and support but now in emotional pain as we are forced into isolation.  All of a sudden senior citizens became the subject of the news media.  Those of us in that upper age bracket began to get the message.  Our lives were in danger.  The new virus, COVID, became our primary health concern.  No longer were we to just die from 'old age' but now we were told COVID was our major life threatening illness.  Hospitals were soon overrun with COVID patients.  The death rate was alarming.  Mortuaries had difficulty making room for more bodies.  Suddenly we felt intense grief as our friends and loved ones died.  We worried about ourselves.  Would I now appear on the obituary page, as the next COVID victim?

In late April COVID hit home. Five of us residents, all housed in the same area, suddenly exhibited COVID symptoms. Included were my husband and myself.  Now that I know a little bit more about COVID, I realize how easily it spreads......nasal secretions and saliva drops.  Tiny, wet, common bodily fluids which all of us ooze all the time but the COVID virus has turned those tiny drops into killers!  Dick, being 90 years old, was especially hard hit.  First of all, I am so glad I decided to NOT send him to the hospital or else I would not have been with him during those precious last days.  Dick began to breathe heavily, open-mouthed, harsh sounds, proving the COVID had invaded his lungs. At that painful moment, all I wanted to do was to surround him with love.  Since the last bodily sense we experience is our 'hearing', I softly repeated again and again, "I love you, Dick, and I always will".  Then suddenly, there was no further intake of breath, no sound, just silence.  I kept repeating my love for him but I knew he was gone.

My symptoms with COVID continued.   Then 2 nights later I fell on the floor in the middle of the night, hit my face, cut my skin around my right eye, suffered a black eye for about 3 weeks, all because I had become confused and disoriented.  During those weeks, I brushed my hair and I discovered gobs of hair on my brush.  I experienced hair loss!  Fortunately, that lasted only a few weeks.  But during that month, I suffered mentally, emotionally and physically.

Now it is 2021.  On the morning of Thursday, January 21, I received the initial COVID vaccination.  The injection was painless and I felt relief that now I was on the way to becoming totally safe from more COVID.  But at 3:00 AM Friday morning I was awakened by shaking chills plus a hideous headache.  Staff checked on me.  Finally at 7:30 I was awakened and felt horrible.  Unable to walk to the dining room I stayed in my recliner chair all day, my arm and leg extremities aching, my head pounding.  Tylenol helped.  But as I sat there I realized I was experiencing a severe reaction to the vaccine, with symptoms similar to my bout with COVID.  Feelings of depression and helplessness engulfed me.  Staff was concerned, checking on me frequently.  These symptoms continued from early Friday morning until late Saturday night.  At times I felt I was dying.  BUT then Sunday morning I awoke in surprise.  I felt great!  No negative COVID symptoms.  The bad reaction to the vaccine had ended.

On February 18, I am scheduled for my second COVID vaccination injection.  No one can predict what I will experience.  But if I do have a severe reaction again, at least I am prepared.  Yes, the COVID story keeps going but let's all pray that our lives will return to normalcy soon.

"If My people...."

I am an 84 year old woman who believes in God.  I have had a strong Christian faith all my life but my faith strengthened when I was miraculously healed from CNS lymphoma.  I was suddenly diagnosed with brain cancer in 2010 and told I had seven weeks to live.  I am a living miracle which gives me proof Jesus is real.  I was 5 years old, in kindergarten, when WW II broke out.  Then the Korean War followed by Vietnam added to our country's unrest.  I was married having babies during the 60s when riots broke out, and I was a parent of teenagers when 'free love' became popular.  I have observed how church attendance grows, as happened the month after 9/11 and then suddenly dissipates.  God is our Creator, Provider and Redeemer who loves us.  When He speaks, I listen.  Do we all listen?

There is a Bible verse that rings in my ears.  II Chronicles 7: 14......."if My people who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land."  This verse is quoted many times these days as we witness the hatred that has exploded in our country.  In fact, both President Ronald Reagan and Vice President Mike Pence held the Reagan Bible open to II Chronicles 7:14 when each took their oath of office.

The lack of trust in our government, the twisting of truth, the passion to verbally destroy leaders in our capital, is horrible!  And here we are, tax paying citizens watching all this distrust before us and unable to do a thing.  Many of us refuse to even listen to the news reports they are so depressing.  Then I read and study II Chronicles 7:14 and I remember God is in control of everything. He wants me to "humble myself, pray, and seek His face and turn from my wicked ways".

In our culture being 'humble' is probably not on top of our list.  We feel it's important to have goals and accomplish those plans ourselves.  We don't need help. we tell ourselves, we have a good brain, hold a record of accomplishments and really believe we're 'pretty good'.  But God wants us to be humble, not boast, not tell everyone how great we are, because by being humble, we show love and respect and encouragement to our acquaintances.

God also wants us to pray.  I've read many books on prayer and what always impresses me is the word 'passion'.  When we pray passionately, we may cry, sing, shout, or laugh and let our hearts speak into those prayers.  When we pray, don't be bored and let our minds wander, questioning "Oh, what are we going to have for dinner tonight?" God listens to our serious prayers! God knows us inside and out and He knows if our prayers are genuine.

What does God mean when He says, "seek My face"?  I think He means look for Me, listen to Me, follow Me, feel My love, know Me, obey Me, because by doing that I become the person He wants me to be.   

God strongly wants me to turn from my 'wicked ways".  I could respond by saying,  "Me wicked? I haven't killed anyone, haven't robbed a bank.  So, I'm not wicked."  But when I think about it, have I hurt someone emotionally?  Have I pushed someone out of the way so I can be satisfied?  Have I twisted the truth so I look good?  By turning from my wicked ways I repent and admit I have been sinful.  'Sinful' is a difficult word these days.  But remember, ever since Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden we, as a people, are not perfect.  We are all 'sinners'.

If I become humble, pray to God, seek God, and repent, God promises that He will hear my prayers  He will forgive me for all the stupid, thoughtless things I've done.  And, most importantly, He will "heal" my land, the United States of America.  What a promise!  What a statement!  I am one lowly, insignificant old woman in this great, wonderful, free country.  Yet my response to Almighty God will be one sincere, passionate, believing, trusting, obedient act.  Change starts with me.  May we all feel so committed.                                                 

Christmas music sings JOY!

How I love Christmas music that we've heard for generations. We hear the songs and remember Bing Crosby singing "White Christmas" and "Do you Hear what I Hear".  Remember Gene Autry singing "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Holly, Jolly Christmas" with Burl Ives and "The Little Drummer Boy" sung by the Harry Simeone Chorale?  We still hear those songs today.  Christmas Carols remind us of Jesus born in a manger and angels singing to shepherds. Music is a joyful gift and fills our hearts, especially this Covid year!  Have you ever wondered where music started or where it came from?  We are all given the ability to sing a tune, maybe off key or gravelly rough, but our lungs and vocal cords manufacture musical sounds. What a gift God has given us.  We are created with the ability to sing and singing gives us joy!.

Since I love Christmas Carols, years ago I would gather the family together plus any friends who were interested, and we would walk around our neighborhood on Hartung Dr. in Wyckoff, NJ and 'go Caroling'. Our kids loved it, especially during their teenage years, because they would take their boyfriend or girlfriend with them and afterward we would warm up at our house with hot cocoa and cookies.  It was such fun ringing doorbells and starting to sing as our neighbors opened their doors in surprise, looking out at us all dressed in toasty, warm coats and scarves as the snowflakes danced around us.

How I remember the hundreds of Christmas concerts Jane Douglas White, accompanist, and I presented around the country, especially with my three girls singing with us. Of course, the audiences were entranced with these young girls, ages 6, 8, and 10 performing songs of Christmas. And what did the girls love the most? The 'goodies' they were served after the concerts and their days off from school.

This year will be challenging as we will continue great care in protecting ourselves from Covid 19.  How I love the gathering of friends to party, the gathering of families to celebrate, the rich concerts as we listen to sounds of music.  Will any of that be available?  Will we be able to laugh with friends and family? Will we exchange gifts with our grandchildren? All of this looks doubtful this year. But do you know what we can do and will do? Listen for hours to the music of Christmas reminding us of the real meaning of Christmas.

Back in 2010, I was suffering from CNS lymphoma in the left thalamus of my brain.  I returned to Holland, MI late October after being in the Syracuse (NY) Medical Center for four months as the oncologists treated and cared for me. There I sat in our condo, unable to do anything.  December arrived and the realization hit me.  Christmas time was here and I could not bake cookies, buy presents, wrap presents, entertain friends, decorate the tree with all its handmade ornaments, place candles in the Advent wreath, put the Christmas wreath on the door and set out the nativity set.  Dick was in and out as he was able to continue with his exercises, errands and shopping. I sat alone in silence. Tears ran down my cheeks and I wondered if I was ever to be well again.  Dick came home and he turned on a CD of beautiful Christmas music. As I continued sitting in my recliner, the music began to sooth me. The poignant word of each song touched my heart.  "O Come Let Us Adore Him" rang in the air.  What is Christmas about, Janet? Why do we have Christmas? Who was born in a stable, dirty with farm animals? How did that young Mary feel about giving birth, for the first time, on a pile of hay? What was Mary's reaction when smelly shepherds arrived praising God and asking to see the baby? What must have gone through Mary's mind as she knew this baby had grown in her for nine months even though she was a virgin? Did Mary radiate God's presence knowing that the "Son of the Most High" had just been born?  Suddenly my loneliness was gone, my helplessness did not matter.  An angel had told the shepherds, "For to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."  JESUS IS BORN!

I'm hungry for love but I'm starving to give love

 One of the painful things about being a widow or widower is the hunger for love.  Following decades of loving and being loved, all of a sudden we are alone.  No one likes being alone, lonely, no one to talk to, empty house, waking up in the middle of the night alone, no one snoring or coughing or rolling over in bed, no one watching the sunset with you, no one to share the smell of new cut grass, no one to scratch your back, no one to share life with and on and on. We are a couple-oriented society so rarely are we invited to dinner parties. We would be the odd one at the dinner table and who wants an odd number.  Yes, not only are our social lives turned upside down but our emotional lives, already burdened with grief, suffer loneliness.  Fortunately, there are many opportunities to join a 'Grief sharing group' and that is a huge help.

But if our social needs are met, does that mean our 'love' needs are met?  The love that we experienced with our spouse was deep, committed, heart to heart, forgiving, fun, intimate, sharing and hugging.  So, where do I find that love now?  Some people search for that self-seeking love and end up compromising their lives with inappropriate relationships.  They are so hungry for love that they cling to someone who is not faithful nor loyal.  And then their suffering deepens.

Yes, I am hungry for love because I miss Dick so much.  We enjoyed marriage because we shared so much together. We had our own professional lives but we always talked about those happenings.  He was always there for me especially during my challenge with brain cancer. He always encouraged me whether I was singing concerts or writing magazine articles.  Yes, he was there and that is why today I am hungry for love because no one is there.  And yet, in my hunger for love, I don't, in any way, want to diminish my everlasting love for Dick.  Now, as I am hungry for love, what do I do if I establish another truthful, loving, and faithful relationship? Loving is part of our lives and God has given all of us a gift to uphold and respect and honor.

Another part of loving is 'giving love' and that is what we must activate now because we can do that ourselves.  Also 'giving love' is not selfish or ego building but is totally aimed at showing compassion to others. When you give of yourself to another person you are forgetting yourself and focusing on another individual.  And that takes the self-centeredness out of the relationship. We are living today in a very self-centered society.  We have enough money to buy things we don't need, we have enough money to choose our life-style, we have enough money to own 2 or 3 cars, we have enough money to feel overly satisfied, but isn't it interesting, we always want more.  If we choose to be a 'giving' person in all we do, we will feel satisfied.  And that includes 'loving' and 'giving love'.

How do we 'give love'? It is a choice that I made after Dick died.  I live in an assisted living facility because I have right-sided weakness (not paralysis).  My mind still works. My sensitivity tells me when people are hurting, feeling lonely, dejected and sad. But what a difference is made when I greet them with a warm, cheerful smile and talk with them showing genuine interest and joy.  Here's another avenue of 'giving love'.  Many times when a group of seniors congregate they begin to complain about many 'stupid' things.......the weather, the food, relationships, the 'other people'......whatever crosses their minds.  By intervening in the conversation, you can be a valuable, positive change.

Love is a small word but love is huge in emotional meaning.  Love is precious, valuable, powerful and fulfilling.  Do not abuse love but cherish the opportunity to give.  Then, by 'giving love', we who are grieving and feeling lonely, all of a sudden feel lifted out of our pain.  By giving of ourselves to others we are leaving the lonely pain behind.  Yes, I am 'starving' to give love and I know the more I dedicate to that choice, the free-er and happier I will be.

Be prepared for senior expenses

We all try tp plan ahead, especially when it comes to money.  We don't want to be unprepared when it comes to additional expenses in our senior years. We look forward to retirement, we've saved money over the years to enjoy 'senior living' and we feel comfortable with our bank account. But then, all of a sudden we are faced with unpredictable high expenses.  Are we prepared for that?

For example, one of us deals with sudden physical problems like a stroke which causes paralysis, brain dysfunction and the victim must be hospitalized. If the damage to the body is permanent, then the family must look to a facility that offers total nursing care or assisted living.  That is when the costs suddenly escalate and can continue for months or years. Unless we make definitive decisions regarding end of life care, our medical system could even keep us alive in a vegetative state for years.   Are we prepared?

If you look at construction and growth of new buildings you will observe a noticeable increase in senior care facilities.  That must mean there exists a need for more senior care facilities. We are an aging population. The number of senior citizens increases every year.  Whereas senior citizens in years past lived out their lives with their families, senior citizens now live in facilities.  Have you toured facilities?  Have you questioned prices of living in facilities?  Have you compared living arrangements including privacy, living space, meals?

In this west Michigan area we are blessed that there are a number of senior living facilities that vary as to space for individual occupancy, cost and meal availability.  In Bergen County, New Jersey, where I lived most of my life, there are only a few senior living facilities with very high costs. Here in MI, a senior citizen can live in a roomy two room 'assisted living' apartment with bath plus three meals a day for $6,000 or $7,000 a month.  Or you can choose a small half room accommodation separated only by a curtain from a roommate, with shared bath and limited closet space for $2,000 to $3,000 a month.  Nursing home facilities cost about $12,000 a month. And there are various options including very affordable rooms in non-profit facilities and the number of meals per day in other facilities.  As we grow older, we crave and protect our privacy.  We can find living in the same room with an unknown adult who insists on turning the TV on 'loud' very upsetting. But can we afford the more expensive accommodation? Or do we expect our families to pitch in paying the expenses. After all, didn't we pay their costs of education and living?  Or do we ignore that question thinking, "That won't happen to me."

Well, it did happen to me. Here I am a healthy senior citizen with good vital signs and excellent bloodwork, but unable to use my right arm and hand and weak in walking. I can't live independently. I require living in an assisted living facility which costs money.  Fortunately, my husband always planned ahead financially, never let debt creep in, so that I am well taken care of now as a new widow. How grateful I am for his wise 'looking ahead' attitude. He made important decisions regarding insurance and investments which guarantee my care throughout the remainder of my senior years. Instead of spending money on trip after trip touring the world, we always made careful decisions, making certain there was always money left for the unpredictable "What ifs?" in our senior years.

When I see today the number of people today who hold several credit cards and push their spending beyond common sense, I wonder.  Are they prepared for senior living?  In some ways it seems a lot of people are in denial about old age expenses figuring, "Oh, I'll manage", never investigating the price of facilities because, "I'm still young".

By being prepared for our senior living expenses we are extending love to our families.  We have always shown independence in our living and strive to continue that independence, so let's not assume our children should pay the bills. By planing ahead we are a good example and model to our families how to live considerate, truly loving lives.  So look around, visit different facilities, talk with management, talk specific expenses, talk to families who have relatives in senior living facilities and carefully plan ahead for your future and your last days on earth.