Oh, how she loved to entertain! She so enjoyed inviting new and old friends to their house in Wyckoff, NJ or to their cabin and then to their all season home in Canada and recently to their condo in Michigan. It was not work, rather it brought her joy! Joy in listening to stories, joy in seeing friends come closer...interested in each other, joy in hearing laughter and voices of various ages. Yes, sweet moments.
The cancer had diminished that joy. Entertaining takes energy and physical abilities. So, the 'entertaining' had ceased while she battled overwhelming fatigue, endless chemo sessions, physical struggles and emotional turmoil. But her heart yearned to reach out again to friends. She kept telling herself..."Yes, you can do it!" And, finally, she did.
She invited 16 friends to come and help celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary. The friends came, gorged on her Christmas goodies and homemade eggnog (mmm...so delicious), laughed and shared positive memories. Then she invited another group for her special chocolate cake and coffee. Everyone loved the gatherings and she felt exultant. She did it!
Oh, of course, she could start the coffee but she found it too difficult to pour into the china cups. And, yes, she had followed the cake recipe, beaten the ingredients, even iced the cake (all with one hand) but felt awkward about cutting the cake into neat ample pieces and successfully placing them on the china plates. To solve the problem, she asked two of her guests to do the honors of pouring and cutting. No big deal.
It made her realize everyone has some hang-up, insecurity, inability, or need in their lives. That's why God has placed loyal, caring friends and family in our lives to help us. Even though she wanted to scream out..."No thanks, I'll do it myself", she knew that God was reminding her to release that need to be 'in control'.
That was a struggle. For years, she had managed a busy household of six including four children and a husband with his own professional career as an elementary school principal. Plus, she maintained her own schedule of singing professionally! Yes, someone had to 'be in control' of that family and she took on that role willingly. After all, she thought, who else could do that?
Ah, but now, her post-cancer life with its physical handicaps made it impossible to 'be in control'. She found it necessary to ask for help and to admit she could not "do it herself". Was God teaching her another lesson? Was God breaking down that strong, stubborn self-will? She sighed and knew that here was another positive blessing that resulted from her cancer. True, there were still a lot of things she could not do because of the resultant right-sided weakness. But help was always available. Yes, she was blessed.
She knew all too well that the world is filled with imperfect human beings in need of lots of help. No one is perfect. In His ultimate wisdom God created each one unable to live completely alone. We need community, we need support, we need friends, we need prayer partners. So she was reminded once again to reach out to lonely neighbors for in that way her own challenging physical problems diminish. But also to accept help and assistance when others offered and not be stubborn and resistant.
She thought of Paul and his struggle with "the thorn in his side". Whatever that "thorn" was, Paul suffered but continued on with the work that was before him.
"Three times I besought the Lord about this (the thorn), that it should leave me; but he said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'. I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10
Yes, everyone has 'weaknesses', some hidden (emotional or mental) and some physically obvious. In this culture where everyone wants to look and act perfectly, could she say with Paul that she can be content with the physical hardships? She knew that God was giving her opportunity to proclaim His love in a new daring way.
Loved you blog! Your story brings to mind my own physical weaknesses and yet today I can say they don't burden me, in fact some are a blessing.
ReplyDeleteI have an incurable medical condition you know as Attention Deficit Disorder. What that means is that I am missing a small part of my brain that regulates impulses. It is also a piece of the brain that does not form in our brains until we are 18 or so. Part of why I have ADD is due to traumatic birth, I was breach and had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. Somewhere in the process of being born, my left eye was scarred so I have limited vision in that eye. Talk about blind spots, most people have one blind spot in their sight, I have two. That means I can't fly airplanes, drive semi-trucks or fulfill a dream of becoming a police officer.
But God had another plan for me. I became a newspaper reporter, earning my MA in Mass Communications from the University of Iowa. God does love me. Before heading to graduate school, I had an opportunity to work at the training center for all Chicago newspaper reporters and as a result I have two pieces of identification that say "Chicago Police Department."
As a father, I have two sons who had ADD and my advice to my sons is that God allowed this to happen so we keep the rest of the world on a better path. One son continues to struggle, the other is an unemployed pastor.
Talk about control, I am a first born and Evie is a first born. While we have "intense moments of fellowship" we are a partnership (as God created in Eden) and nobody is in control all the time. I just get the whipping if something goes wrong.
Have a great day,
norm lyzenga