My story continues....

by Janet Baird Weisiger

She sat at the kitchen table of their condo in Holland, MI, speech therapist next to her.  She sat upright struggling to look and sound intelligent.  It was January, 2011 and she had been officially discharged from the hospital in Syracuse, NY the end of October.  The trauma of brain cancer had affected her emotions so that she cried easily.  Her thinking was difficult but seemed intact and she knew she had a long way to go before she would be able to function normally.  It was so hard to think!  In fact, it was exhausting!

But things were better every month, she concluded.  Back in July, 2010, right after the brain biopsy when she was so very ill, she could only communicate in single words, partial phrases, sometimes barely a whisper.  She would think the thought but could barely articulate the thought.  How difficult that had been.  She recalled how many times she was grateful for the patient, kind nursing staff who understood her limited speech.  Maybe only a word, but they knew what she meant.

There were times she could not utter anything because her crying and sobbing overtook her.  The doctors who stood asking her questions quietly left the room, their queries unanswered.  How frustrating not to be able to communicate.  That realization would bring more tears.

And now she had a new challenge.  The speech therapist had come to the condo for several weeks now patiently working on her conversational speech.  Obediently, she would sit in the chair using all her energies to concentrate on what the therapist was teaching.  She remembered how last week she had  fallen asleep even before the session was completed.  It astounded her that merely thinking or listening intently to someone would be so taxing on her brain.

But now she wanted to push her brain to memorize something...anything!  Somehow she thought that if she proved to herself she could memorize, then she would have proof she was getting better....that her brain was healing.

She opened her small Bible to Psalm 51.  She cherished this Bible.  It was pocket sized so she could easily slip it into her bag.  It was light weight so that she could handle it with her left hand.  True, the type was small but fortunately her eyesight was still excellent and not affected by the cancer.  But, most importantly, Dick had given her this Bible for Christmas back in 1976.  Yes, this small Bible was precious.

She now looked down to verses 10, 11, and 12 of Psalm 51.  Familiar verses and meaningful verses.

"Can you help me?" she asked the therapist.  "I so want to be able to say these verses when I'm lying there in the hospital bed.  I go in for chemo again next week and I think they will help me."

Of course, she spoke hesitantly, painfully trying to communicating her desires.

The therapist immediately started working with her, slowly showing her the techniques.  Together they patiently took phrase after phrase, repeating, establishing patterns and rhythms.

     "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
      Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me.
      Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."

She fought against fatigue.  She closed her eyes against any distractions.  Oh, she wanted to do this so badly.  She wanted to wake up her brain and call it into working again.

How easy it had always been for her to memorize.  All the hundreds of concerts she had sung, memorizing every musical note and every lyric.  All the musicals she had sung and acted where each speaking word and song she had performed perfectly.  Even the various languages she had sung for recitals and oratorios.  She knew she could memorize so why was it so difficult now?

The therapist interrupted her thoughts.  "For this week, just memorize one line.  Then next week we'll try another line."

"Thank you," she smiled.  "Create in me a clean heart, O God..............."  At last she was doing it!  She was memorizing!  Only a few words, but she could memorize!

And now, in 2013, she remembered that time and realized how far she had come.  Her brain had healed, was still healing and she was grateful.  She could now even give public presentations about her cancer communicating hope to victims of the dreaded disease.  She also understood with tremendous sensitivity how confusing, how devastating, how frustrating, how emotionally upsetting it is for others  with brain injuries.

Brain injuries, for the most part, remain hidden and the victim realizes he or she looks OK but maybe sounds strange or acts weird.  Because those symptoms are socially unacceptable in today's culture, brain injured victims experience isolation.  Oh, how she now understood their suffering.  The words of Psalm 51 rang in her head.

Yes, she was able to recite words by memory but certainly those words meant something.
     "Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Brain injured victims, whether from auto accidents, stroke, cancer, military action all need patience, understanding and, most important, God's love and abiding presence.  She knew she would help them.

On December 11, 2012, she volunteered to speak to a local "brain-injured support group".  She knew that she had to tell her story honestly and truthfully.  That meant Jesus would be the main character in her story.  She also realized that this 'group' was not a church group and many of these people probably did not know Jesus in a personal way.  She knew that a secular culture wanted to keep 'religious' thinking out of the picture.  How would her story be received?  What would people think?

She remembered some verses from the book of Acts 4: 18-20.  "So they (the chief priests, elders and scribes) called them (Peter and John) and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus.   But Peter and John answered them, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge; for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.""

Yes, she would tell her story!  And so she did, speaking for 45 minutes.  When she finished, the room was quiet.  The social worker in charge then asked for general comments.

Slowly, ever so gently, people in the room began to respond.  First one, then another, and soon there was an outpouring of personal testimonies of how God had been in their lives and helped them.  A waterfall of God's love fell on that group of 32 suffering brain-injured victims that evening.  This was proof that God had indeed heard her prayer of Psalm 51 back in January 2011.  Yes, God had put a new and right spirit within her and restored the joy of her salvation.  She rejoiced and praised God.  She had trusted in God, had overcome her fear of presenting proof of Jesus' presence in her battle with cancer and look what happened!  Oh God, You are indeed incredible!