Worry? or Trust

It was a busy week.  Tons of snow the end of January.  Looking for the storm lulls in order to travel and keep the daily appointments.  The week started with OT and PT at the renowned MaryFreeBed facility in Grand Rapids.  She was amazed at how the therapists evaluated her bodily movements and coordination skills, assessing the best possible exercises and electronic stimuli for nerve healing, especially in the arm.  The left thalamus, where the cancer was discovered in early July, 2010, had been traumatized.  Thus, right-sided weakness developed.  Therapy had been continuous since then.

Tuesday afternoon a routine yearly mammogram was scheduled in the early afternoon.  Then at 4:15 that day the phone rang.

"Is this Janet?..... This is the Breast Center calling.  The doctor would like you to return as soon as possible for a more extensive mammogram. There is an area on the right breast that needs additional examination.  The doctor will evaluate the new pictures and might then request an ultrasound.  When can you come back for another appointment?"

Since more PT and OT were scheduled for Wednesday and a 3-month routine MRI scheduled for Thursday, the appointment at the Breast Center was made for Friday.

She hung up the phone and sat there stunned.  No breast cancer in the family history.  She had been told by her oncologist that the CNS lymphoma in the brain had 0% chance of metastasizing.  The MRI's had been clear since August 2010.  Jesus had given her the message in May, 2010, "You will be healed, BUT in my time frame".  And the therapy was going well.  Her strength was returning.  What was going on?

Her mind raced.  She had heard stories of cancer patients who had recovered only to have an unrelated cancer appear in another part of the body.  Maybe the doctors were wrong.  Maybe CNS lymphoma did metastasize.  Was Jesus wrong?  She pushed that question aside.  She knew the 'Enemy' would want her to think that.

The 'port'!  Yes, that must be the problem.  In order for the administration of 20 doses of methotrexate chemotherapy she had received over 16 months, a port had been surgically placed above her right breast.  Thus there had been no need for annoying IV injections for infusion.  The port had been removed in November of 2012 but she had felt scar tissue at the site.

But...what if the scar tissue was not the problem?  What if there was another location for cancer?  What if she was diagnosed with breast cancer?  What if?  What if?...........

Dick walked into the room.  "Who was on the phone?  Is everything all right?......Janet, what happened?"

Sobs broke through her silence.  "I can't take anymore.  I've been through so much!"  She grabbed tissues and blurted out the news she had just heard on the phone.

"But don't you think it's that scar tissue from the port?" Dick asked anxiously.

"That is a possibility.  But if this is breast cancer, I've made a decision.  No treatment....no chemo....no surgery....It's OK.  I'm almost 77 and I know where I'm going when I die.  No more tears....no more pain...and I'll be with Jesus."

Slowly, calm came over her and she rested her thoughts on God.  She picked up a book she was reading..."Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and chapter 5 reminded her that Jesus called the Holy Spirit the 'Comforter'.  She opened her Bible to John 14, 15, and 16.  She found the title 'Comforter' is used numerous times in those chapters.

The word comforter is such a good word.  Reminded her of snuggling under the goose down comforter on a cold winter night.  Or of cuddling one of her children when they were frightened.  And being held by her own mom or dad when she was sick in bed with mono.  She now warmed herself to the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit in her life.  He would keep her safe, He would shield her from any physical problems, He would comfort her no matter what the test results showed on Friday.

She was reminded again that she must trust, not worry.

Wednesday and Thursday were busy with PT, OT and the MRI.  Friday dawned and she was amazed how calm and secure she felt.  God was in control and He knew what was best for her.

The repeat mammograms were more painful and stressful this time because "they wanted to make sure".  She sat in the waiting room leafing mindlessly through a home decorator magazine.  Then she heard the words in the hallway, doctor to nurse.

"No need for an ultra sound.  It was the scar tissue."

Simple unemotional report, but she knew!  God was faithful, God had kept His promise, the oncologist was right......NO breast cancer!  She dropped the magazine and silently sang His praises.