Oh, how she always loved Valentine's Day! A day for secret, tiny cards signed "Guess who?". Snowy, wintry days when the red paper hearts hung from the kitchen lamp. A special day to say, "I love you!" Isn't it amazing how those words always bring warm hugs to hearts. She always loved hearing those words and saying them.
This year she was thrilled. An early morning surprise at the breakfast table! A small rose plant with fresh blooming scarlet red roses! And a package of yummy dark chocolate! Her favorites! The card said "To my darling wife, Janet" and she knew, yes, knew she was still loved. After 54 years, after many challenges, many hardships, many mis-understandings, many miscommunications, many disagreements but........they still loved each other.
She remembered hearing how some marriages were 'made in Heaven' and therefore were 'perfect'. She had hoped for that but now she realized no marriage is perfect. People just put on a mask and pretend -so that the world thinks it's perfect.
But, they had clung together all these years. They were blessed to still have each other. She marveled at how she was tenderly cared for, especially in the ravages of brain cancer. The subsequent damage done to her brain had caused weakness in her right side. She continued to be amazed at the continual healing but things had not returned to 'normal'. She walked slowly with the help of a cane or Dick's arm. Her right arm showed some slight improvement but she was a long way from writing with that hand. She marveled that she could now assist Dick with meal preparation, sauteing vegetables by holding the frying pan with her right hand. And she could make her own luncheon sandwich. But she was not totally independent yet.
Yes, what love she had experienced over the past 2 1/2 years. She remembered those first four months in Syracuse Upstate Hospital. Dick was there every day! Fortunately (God had planned it!), Glenn and his family lived only 20 minutes from the hospital so Dick had a guest room where he could stay. Each day Dick would arrive by 7:30 in the morning and stay until after her evening meal was eaten so he could help brush her teeth! All day he would sit by her side, read emails to her, speak words of encouragement, help her with bathroom visits, help her eat with her left hand, assist her moving to comfortable positions in bed, patiently sit while she dosed in frequent naps, cheering her on as she pushed her body to walk with the therapists moving her legs. Here she was the nurse by training and education who was prepared and willing to take care of him and, yet he, the swimming instructor, lifeguard, the teacher and elementary school principal, was caring for her!
There was nothing attractive about her in that hospital scene. Nor did she suddenly regain her looks when she was discharged. She recalled those days with revulsion. The steroid medications had caused ugly facial hair. Her former thick, healthy head of hair had thinned and looked unkempt. Her smile was crooked and her head and hand had tremors. She realized she sometimes had awful odors! Why did Dick still love her when the current advertising world screamed that the only desirous woman had to be beautiful, gorgeous, with the perfect body, flowing hair, sweet smelling and alluring! Instead, she was an ugly blot.
But Dick did love her. When she sobbed with tears of frustration and impatience with herself he would tenderly wrap his arms about her and assure her she was still beautiful, talented, with a heart of love! What a gift God had given her in this man she had fallen in love with years ago!
Yes, they had entrusted their lives to each other. She marveled at that, knowing how many marriages were falling apart these days. But they had stood before God on December 27, 1958 and promised to love each other "in sickness and in health 'til death do we part". They had kept their promise!
God had created their love, God was the beginning of love, God was love. This incredible power that melted hearts together, that brought laughter and joy, that caused a man and woman to look at each other after decades of marriage and still share intimacy, that made holding hands an act of devotion. Only God's love knit together two strong-willed individuals to respect and adore one another.
She rejoiced that she knew this God of love. He said in 1 John 4: 7-12, "Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."
In this earthly world, she realized, love was not just sensual sexual attraction or some Hollywood 'feeling' manufactured by chance. No, love between a husband and wife was a deep, long-lasting, trusting, forgiving experience created as a precious gift from God.
Thank you, Lord, that your magnanimous nature gave this gift to us. Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Worry? or Trust
It was a busy week. Tons of snow the end of January. Looking for the storm lulls in order to travel and keep the daily appointments. The week started with OT and PT at the renowned MaryFreeBed facility in Grand Rapids. She was amazed at how the therapists evaluated her bodily movements and coordination skills, assessing the best possible exercises and electronic stimuli for nerve healing, especially in the arm. The left thalamus, where the cancer was discovered in early July, 2010, had been traumatized. Thus, right-sided weakness developed. Therapy had been continuous since then.
Tuesday afternoon a routine yearly mammogram was scheduled in the early afternoon. Then at 4:15 that day the phone rang.
"Is this Janet?..... This is the Breast Center calling. The doctor would like you to return as soon as possible for a more extensive mammogram. There is an area on the right breast that needs additional examination. The doctor will evaluate the new pictures and might then request an ultrasound. When can you come back for another appointment?"
Since more PT and OT were scheduled for Wednesday and a 3-month routine MRI scheduled for Thursday, the appointment at the Breast Center was made for Friday.
She hung up the phone and sat there stunned. No breast cancer in the family history. She had been told by her oncologist that the CNS lymphoma in the brain had 0% chance of metastasizing. The MRI's had been clear since August 2010. Jesus had given her the message in May, 2010, "You will be healed, BUT in my time frame". And the therapy was going well. Her strength was returning. What was going on?
Her mind raced. She had heard stories of cancer patients who had recovered only to have an unrelated cancer appear in another part of the body. Maybe the doctors were wrong. Maybe CNS lymphoma did metastasize. Was Jesus wrong? She pushed that question aside. She knew the 'Enemy' would want her to think that.
The 'port'! Yes, that must be the problem. In order for the administration of 20 doses of methotrexate chemotherapy she had received over 16 months, a port had been surgically placed above her right breast. Thus there had been no need for annoying IV injections for infusion. The port had been removed in November of 2012 but she had felt scar tissue at the site.
But...what if the scar tissue was not the problem? What if there was another location for cancer? What if she was diagnosed with breast cancer? What if? What if?...........
Dick walked into the room. "Who was on the phone? Is everything all right?......Janet, what happened?"
Sobs broke through her silence. "I can't take anymore. I've been through so much!" She grabbed tissues and blurted out the news she had just heard on the phone.
"But don't you think it's that scar tissue from the port?" Dick asked anxiously.
"That is a possibility. But if this is breast cancer, I've made a decision. No treatment....no chemo....no surgery....It's OK. I'm almost 77 and I know where I'm going when I die. No more tears....no more pain...and I'll be with Jesus."
Slowly, calm came over her and she rested her thoughts on God. She picked up a book she was reading..."Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and chapter 5 reminded her that Jesus called the Holy Spirit the 'Comforter'. She opened her Bible to John 14, 15, and 16. She found the title 'Comforter' is used numerous times in those chapters.
The word comforter is such a good word. Reminded her of snuggling under the goose down comforter on a cold winter night. Or of cuddling one of her children when they were frightened. And being held by her own mom or dad when she was sick in bed with mono. She now warmed herself to the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit in her life. He would keep her safe, He would shield her from any physical problems, He would comfort her no matter what the test results showed on Friday.
She was reminded again that she must trust, not worry.
Wednesday and Thursday were busy with PT, OT and the MRI. Friday dawned and she was amazed how calm and secure she felt. God was in control and He knew what was best for her.
The repeat mammograms were more painful and stressful this time because "they wanted to make sure". She sat in the waiting room leafing mindlessly through a home decorator magazine. Then she heard the words in the hallway, doctor to nurse.
"No need for an ultra sound. It was the scar tissue."
Simple unemotional report, but she knew! God was faithful, God had kept His promise, the oncologist was right......NO breast cancer! She dropped the magazine and silently sang His praises.
Tuesday afternoon a routine yearly mammogram was scheduled in the early afternoon. Then at 4:15 that day the phone rang.
"Is this Janet?..... This is the Breast Center calling. The doctor would like you to return as soon as possible for a more extensive mammogram. There is an area on the right breast that needs additional examination. The doctor will evaluate the new pictures and might then request an ultrasound. When can you come back for another appointment?"
Since more PT and OT were scheduled for Wednesday and a 3-month routine MRI scheduled for Thursday, the appointment at the Breast Center was made for Friday.
She hung up the phone and sat there stunned. No breast cancer in the family history. She had been told by her oncologist that the CNS lymphoma in the brain had 0% chance of metastasizing. The MRI's had been clear since August 2010. Jesus had given her the message in May, 2010, "You will be healed, BUT in my time frame". And the therapy was going well. Her strength was returning. What was going on?
Her mind raced. She had heard stories of cancer patients who had recovered only to have an unrelated cancer appear in another part of the body. Maybe the doctors were wrong. Maybe CNS lymphoma did metastasize. Was Jesus wrong? She pushed that question aside. She knew the 'Enemy' would want her to think that.
The 'port'! Yes, that must be the problem. In order for the administration of 20 doses of methotrexate chemotherapy she had received over 16 months, a port had been surgically placed above her right breast. Thus there had been no need for annoying IV injections for infusion. The port had been removed in November of 2012 but she had felt scar tissue at the site.
But...what if the scar tissue was not the problem? What if there was another location for cancer? What if she was diagnosed with breast cancer? What if? What if?...........
Dick walked into the room. "Who was on the phone? Is everything all right?......Janet, what happened?"
Sobs broke through her silence. "I can't take anymore. I've been through so much!" She grabbed tissues and blurted out the news she had just heard on the phone.
"But don't you think it's that scar tissue from the port?" Dick asked anxiously.
"That is a possibility. But if this is breast cancer, I've made a decision. No treatment....no chemo....no surgery....It's OK. I'm almost 77 and I know where I'm going when I die. No more tears....no more pain...and I'll be with Jesus."
Slowly, calm came over her and she rested her thoughts on God. She picked up a book she was reading..."Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and chapter 5 reminded her that Jesus called the Holy Spirit the 'Comforter'. She opened her Bible to John 14, 15, and 16. She found the title 'Comforter' is used numerous times in those chapters.
The word comforter is such a good word. Reminded her of snuggling under the goose down comforter on a cold winter night. Or of cuddling one of her children when they were frightened. And being held by her own mom or dad when she was sick in bed with mono. She now warmed herself to the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit in her life. He would keep her safe, He would shield her from any physical problems, He would comfort her no matter what the test results showed on Friday.
She was reminded again that she must trust, not worry.
Wednesday and Thursday were busy with PT, OT and the MRI. Friday dawned and she was amazed how calm and secure she felt. God was in control and He knew what was best for her.
The repeat mammograms were more painful and stressful this time because "they wanted to make sure". She sat in the waiting room leafing mindlessly through a home decorator magazine. Then she heard the words in the hallway, doctor to nurse.
"No need for an ultra sound. It was the scar tissue."
Simple unemotional report, but she knew! God was faithful, God had kept His promise, the oncologist was right......NO breast cancer! She dropped the magazine and silently sang His praises.
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