Forgive.....a powerful word and as spoken by Jesus, a blessed act.
When I think back on the past six years I am overwhelmed. To think that I am alive after my battle with brain cancer leaves me utterly grateful. God chose to heal me! Beyond all medical statistics I am cancer free. To realize that this 'old lady' has been blessed by God leaves me humbled. To think that this imperfect, sinful woman is touched by God proves how forgiving He is. I am nothing special, nothing unusual, nothing famous but Jesus spoke to me and promised I would be healed...even before I knew I would be diagnosed with a "lethal, aggressive, rare CNS lymphoma".
Yes, He has blessed me and yes, He has forgiven me and continues to forgive me. There are days when I'm insensitive, when I'm inpatient, when I'm grumpy, when I'm negative....with the people I love and are closest to me. But when I confess and ask God to forgive me, I know He forgives.
As I look back over these six years I can honestly say the cancer was a blessing because I've learned so much. It's interesting but when you travel through life with few problems it tends to make a person soft and lazy about God. How spoiled we become with peace and prosperity! But when real struggles hit us, when tragedy strikes, when life becomes dark and scary, then we remember there is a God and Redeemer, a Savior who will help us.
I've learned so much about Jesus...how real He is, how He is ever present with me, how His love holds me and no matter what I've done, He forgives me. I never thought about the spiritual world that much....Oh, I knew the Bible talks about angels and demons, but maybe I never took that seriously. But now I know. The spiritual world is all around us, ever present....the forces of evil constantly tempting us, lying to us, seeking to control us, yet the presence of Jesus and His angels is available to us to protect us.
In John's first letter, chapter 1, verse 9 "But if we confess our sins, He will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done." I like the idea of being cleansed or washed from all the stupid, selfish things I've done in my life. Psalm 51:2 "Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin."
Back in 2006, Dick and I attended the ALPHA program. One evening our pastor asked if anyone needed healing to come forward. Dick rose from his seat and walked to the front of the worship center. I immediately jumped up and followed him. That winter he had been struck in the lower left chest by a hockey puck (he played defense on a local 'senior hockey team') and he suffered from long term pain and discomfort. Dick knew he needed healing. I stood behind him, joining in prayer for him. Suddenly, I sensed a beautiful white cloud encompassing me and immediately.. I fell backward, hitting several folding chairs, my glasses popping off my face, my body and my head landing flat on the cement floor. I didn't feel a thing...nothing hurt....no bruises...no bones cracked....no head injuries! It was as if I gently dropped onto a huge soft pillow. All I sensed was total and complete peace and joy. I knew I was in the presence of the Lord! The Holy Spirit had touched me. I lay there weeping, smiling, with tears dripping down my face in absolute worship.
Dick knelt down, "Are you alright?". He was shocked and worried.
"I'm fine...so happy...it's wonderful!" I responded in rapture.
Then I experienced the vision of Jesus.....He was kneeling at my feet....washing my legs and feet with an ordinary kitchen rag! I couldn't move! My spirit soared.... because I realized Jesus was washing my sins away! Imagine....my sins were literally being washed away! I hadn't asked for this moment, I hadn't expected this moment, but here was my Lord.... tenderly washing me clean!
Dick did not experience complete healing that evening but several months later the pain and discomfort were gone. In 2013 during an unrelated medical exam, the doctor discovered one of his ribs in his left chest had been cracked. That hockey puck had indeed broken his rib but it totally healed in 13 months. (He continued to play hockey!)
Yes, I now know that God is forgiving. He gave me the assurance in scripture.....as the writer of Hebrews in 8:12 quoted Jeremiah saying of the Lord, "I will forgive them for the wicked things they did, and I will not remember their sins anymore." What a blessing!
Jesus also reminded us what we must do toward others. "When you are praying, if you are angry with someone, forgive him so your Father in heaven will also forgive your sins." Mark 11:25
I am a sensitive person and over the years I've been deeply hurt by some people with their thoughtless, cruel, inappropriate comments and actions. I make an effort to forgive them....sometimes directly but many times prayerfully. I don't want bitterness to grow in my heart. I have found that forgiving others for hurting me is a blessing.
Jesus blessed me that evening in 2006, but since I am an imperfect human being I know I will continue to sin. How wonderful to know that as long as I believe and trust in my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ, He will continue to forgive me. Truly,.... with forgiveness comes blessings.
