For over a year now, we have had postponements and cancellations because of Covid-19. Our family is just one of many who had to wait one year to finally honor my husband with a Memorial Service. A year ago we obediently accepted that decision and after choosing various dates, decided 'one year' would certainly guarantee there would be no problem. My husband, Dick, died May 6, 2020 and we set the date for his service for Saturday, May 8, 2021. I thought that by that time my grief would have subsided and the service would bring closure. Also, we felt that Covid-19 would be gone. However, I did not anticipate that we still have to wear masks and that tears would still flow at his Memorial Service.
Many of us who have lost loved ones since Covid-19 took over in April-May of 2020 have experienced the same delay of outpourings of grief. A memorial service or funeral service brings closure, brings loved ones together to grieve the loss of a dear friend or close loved one. But this past year has brought agonizing moments of delayed grief. When your spouse dies, especially if your marriage has been filled with love, life hurts. Dick and I were married 61 years, faithfully loving each other, caring for each other, fulfilling and abiding by our marriage vows and raising four wonderful children who gave us twelve grandchildren.
Covid-19 has caused many emotional tears, unhappiness, frustration and mental confusion. Grief following the death of a loved one is only one situation that has been drastically affected. In fact, the delayed grief caught me by surprise. I had thought in one year I would have experienced the painful reality of loneliness and precious memories but that would have ended. Instead, the memories of 61 years of marriage came back in full force as I planned Dick's Memorial Service.
Since I am an 85 year old with a sharp memory, I decided to organize all the service details. I knew my husband......what would honor him, what he would appreciate. So I planned accordingly. We held the service in our church here in Holland, MI and limited guests to family members. Since Dick spent his professional life teaching grade school students for 11 years and being an elementary school principal for 26 years mostly in Wyckoff, NJ we decided to keep the service simple by just including family. When you have postponed the service for one year following death, that decision makes sense.
I decided to speak at the service, sharing Dick's professional life, family life and married life. And that was where the tears began. Reliving our remarkable life together, recalling details to share with the family, some humerous, some sad. 61 years is a long time and as I meandered through those years I vividly remembered all that happened.......children's laughter, my husband's kisses, the camping vacations, the joys of holidays, Grammie and Pa and Nana and Pops, endless sports games, keeping our budget, piano lessons, owning dogs, cats and rabbits. Yes, when I lived again the lives of four children, Dick, an educational professional and me, a professional singer, I wondered, "How did we do all that?"
When I think of the number of divorces that take place in today's world, I am overwhelmed. Marriage is work. Disagreements between husband and wife are normal and husbands and wives must remember they married because they love each other. Loves means you forgive and love means you need each other. Now as I say 'goodbye' to my husband at the Memorial Service, joy and appreciation fill my heart as I realize we stayed married for 61 years. That was commitment. That was remembering our wedding vows we took before Almighty God on December 27, 1958 in Ramsey, NJ. That meant we honored God in our marriage, read the Bible, raised our kids to know and love God, prayed with intensity and devotion and most important believed in Jesus. The Lord instituted the first marriage on earth and taught man and woman to marry. That is His plan for us and lifelong happiness is the result.
Now the Memorial Service is over. Dick's 90 years and 4 months have been re-lived, memories are permanently engraved in our minds and hearts, the joy of knowing him and loving him has been strengthened and the grief has lessened. Closure is finally taking place.
