When we reach the eighties in our lifespan we assuredly have experienced grief. We know the painful sorrow that grips our hearts when a loved one has died. We may cease weeping but we never totally forget that moment when we come face to face with losing a life dear to us. It can happen as a sudden shock or following a long debilitating illness, but the finality of the loss of life leaves an unending ache in our memory.
Dick and I wanted a family and we eagerly awaited our first child. Following an initial first trimester miscarriage, we were overjoyed when I quickly became pregnant again. As a nurse I followed my symptoms of my second pregnancy with understanding and had no indication that anything could go wrong. Since I was a graduate of Columbia University/Presbyterian Hospital School of Nursing in NYC, I chose to be under the care of a respected obstetrician at the school. Traveling from our home in Oakland, NJ to upper Manhattan at that time was not a problem. I was due around June 10, so when contractions began early on June 4, I was not concerned. We entered PH and Dick was able to be in the labor room with me, a new accommodation that year of 1961.
Labor progressed smoothly with the nurse checking the fetal heart beat at regular intervals. Keep in mind, no ultra sounds at that time. When I entered second stage of labor the heart beat suddenly stopped. The nurse dashed from the room, the obstetrician suddenly appeared. Dick was quickly removed from the labor room, quick discussion held regarding C-section possibilities, finally hi-forceps delivery performed immediately, ending in a stillborn delivery. I never saw the baby, never held the baby. They thought that was better for me because I would 'forget'! The nurse exclaimed, "Oh, she's beautiful", so I know she was a girl.
I sobbed for hours, then days, and the ache continued for months. Unexpected, unexplained grief and sorrow overwhelmed me. And now, 57 years later, I still remember. I still grieve, I still have pain for the loss of a "beautiful" baby girl who was alive in me for 9 months but who never breathed fresh air. Yes, I know unending grief.
Losing one's own child whether at birth or in grade school, college or at age 50 is devastating. That child who you've birthed or adopted, cared for, nurtured, guided, disciplined, advised, been proud of, struggled with has been your focus for decades. To outlive your child is topsy-turvy which causes grief to intensify.
And, of course, losing your spouse, your lover, your companion, your teammate, your partner strikes at the depth of your being. The day-to-day loneliness confronts us and never leaves. The statistics show women outlive men. Therefore there are many more widows than widowers. Fortunately widows gravitate toward each other and that grief sharing helps to lessen the pain.
Yes, as senior citizens we all know unending grief. Death is a reality, a firm prediction. Benjamin Franklin was right, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
So how do we cope with death? We certainly don't choose to endure unending grief. One way is just accept that's the way life is and therefore "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!" Or believe God's Word that Jesus is victorious over death and by believing in Him we too can have eternal life.
Death is our worst enemy, but fortunately, God in His great plan of mercy, gave us opportunity to choose life after death. True, we are scared of the dying process and since we've never died before, we're a little nervous about an unknown experience. But that's where trust, faith and belief come in. When we accept God's Word in our hearts with total surrender, fear disappears and we anticipate "a new heaven and a new earth" where "he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more". Revelation 21:1,4.
I have chosen to follow Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, and I believe that I will be in Heaven one day. Guess who will be there waiting for me? The "beautiful" girl who was alive in me for 9 months back in 1961. Unending grief will turn to eternal joy!
