"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3: 5-6
It is our human nature to want to control. Whether it is our personal safety, our health, our careers, our family activities, our daily schedules, our future lives, our finances, our children's behaviors...we strive to control. Or, as we so popularly state.."Don't lose control!"
Yes, we never want to admit 'losing control'. In our human, self absorbed entities we passionately think we know what is best for ourselves. We think we are clever enough, wise enough, and certainly able enough to control our own lives. But isn't that the essence of self centered worship?
I know I constantly struggle with this concept and it makes me realize that is my basic sinful nature. God reminds us to trust Him...to surrender to Him. He repeatedly tells us to let Him control our lives because He knows what is best for us. But I know I forget, I slip...and there I go again, thinking I should 'control'.
It is interesting that I discovered when I was at my weakest, most vulnerable state, it was then that I allowed God to be in total control. I was dying, I was helpless, I was in deep physical distress unable to fight by my self. That is when I had no choice. I totally surrendered my entire physical body, my mind, my heart...to Jesus! What did I discover? Jesus knew what I needed. He spoke to me, put His arms around me, took total control over my life and chose to miraculously heal me.
My cancer experience was a blessing! My days of declaring self-sufficiency were over! I totally depended on His presence and the blessings He sent my way! During my most sickly days and nights I would silently call out to Him, "Here I am Lord! I know You are with me. My life and my heart are Yours!" And His presence sustained me. His presence promised me healing. His presence assured me of eternal life. He sent me blessings of a devoted husband and family, of friends who prayed and cared for me. All during those ugly days of struggling with cancer He never left my side.
Now as I look back on the past 5 1/2 years since my CNS lymphoma diagnosis, I suddenly catch myself as I struggle with that dangerous tendency to control. My MRIs and blood work show no cancer, my mind is clear, my memory accurate...and here I am wanting to control my life again. And even worse, wanting to control the lives of others around me. All this makes me fully aware of my own sinful nature. Sin is part of me, lies submerged, but rears its ugly head at an opportune time!
Now I realize how vitally important are my prayers. Those petitions, those confessions, those thankful praises that I picture rising to the throne of God like sweet incense and placed in containers of priceless gold constitute my precious communication with the Lord Almighty. My conversations with my Lord tighten the relationship. He hears and I listen. I ask and He decides. I await and He solves. I confess and He forgives. I give all to Him and He controls. Those messages and those moments strongly remind me that I am nothing without my God. He is in control of my life and may I never forget!
