It continues to amaze me. I have been on an incredible journey the past four and a half years...a journey of faith and spiritual enlightenment. I thought I knew a lot about God before the cancer hit me but coming within inches of death has taught me the realities of the spiritual world. Even though I never 'died', my experience with the ravages, confusion, uncertainties, discomforts and unknowns of brain cancer gave me new insights of the wonders of our Creator who is in charge of everything. I can now say, Praise God!, that I went through that cancer ordeal because I now know my Lord more intimately than I ever could have possibly imagined.
When I think back on the night of May 26, 2010, when Jesus appeared and spoke to me, I weep with awe and wonder. (See blog posting "A Promise Given", March 2, 2013). The fact that He took that opportunity to give me a special message causes me to fall on my knees in humble worship. Why did He bless me? Why did He give me those words of hope when I didn't even realize how much I would need those words in the days and months to come? Why did He choose me to heal me of a 'lethal, aggressive, rare" cancer? My response has been and continues to be...."I am yours, Lord to do whatever you want me to do". And that task? He keeps telling me and encouraging me to tell my story!
One very important part of that story is what I've learned about the spiritual world. Sure, we read in the scriptures about angels and demons and visitations by heavenly beings. But in our physical, technological, scientific world, do we really identify with spiritual beings surrounding us today? Not really. We are so locked into the reality of our five senses...seeing,touching,hearing,tasting,feeling.. that it is difficult for our finite minds to contemplate the realities of the spiritual world.
But when you experience the presence of the spiritual, your life is changed. That's what happened to me when I experienced the sweet presence of Jesus. First was the visitation on May 26, 2010. And then numerous times during my monthly chemotherapy sessions when I was hospitalized for week long stays as the methotrexate entered my body and then was flushed out. Those chemo sessions continued for sixteen months! Frequently, as I lay there in the hospital bed, frightened and uncertain, Jesus stood by my bed, His arms outstretched, comforting me and giving me His blessing. I saw him and I wept. That was real!
And then, the horrible week the end of June, 2010. I had been taken to Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY after our doctor in Watertown, NY discovered, after an MRI, that there was "suspicious fluid in my left thalamus". The doctors in Syracuse could not positively identify the diagnosis, so a brain biopsy was scheduled. The doctors had no conclusive evidence so they questioned whether I had a CVA, Lyme disease or cancer. They knew that a sample of my brain tissue would clearly identify the problem. However, the brain surgeon was scheduled to take a week's vacation over July 4th weekend so the brain biopsy was delayed. The family later told me they saw me dying that week and were very worried. During those days I suffered horrendous nightmares. I hardly slept at night. The nightmares were frightening as an oppressive evil presence, that I identified as Satan, appeared in a dark cloud hovering in front of me, reaching out his arms trying to pull me to him. But at the same time I felt comforting, protective arms wrapped around me from behind and I knew Jesus was with me. One night I spoke to this evil presence, "Satan, why do you want me? I'm not that important. I'm not a famous preacher or evangelist." Of course the evil one never answered me but I realized Satan wants everyone! Maya, a friend of our son Glenn and his wife Stephanie, came and prayed and commanded in the name of Jesus that Satan would leave me. The horrible nightmares stopped!
A few days later, at the time of the brain biopsy, I dreamed that I was in a tunnel, sitting in a wheelchair, rolling along to the right. There were others in the tunnel, all hooded, slowly walking in the same direction. I somehow knew I was on my way to Heaven! Then, all of a sudden, someone turned my wheelchair around and I woke up in my hospital bed. I clearly believe the Lord turned me around because it was not my time to die.
The cancer, located in the left thalamus of my brain, caused right-sided weakness. Between 2010 and 2011, I did fall three times. But amazingly, the falls were 'soft' falls! Each time, I fell slowly and did not hurt myself...not even a bruise! It was as if angels were holding me and cushioning my fall. One fall was on the carpet in the great room of our condo, one was in the bathroom on the tile floor and the last fall was in the hospital during one of my chemo visits. Amazing... all 'soft' falls.
As I began to gain more strength to walk following my discharge from Upstate Hospital and my return to Holland, MI, it was a challenge to even raise myself from the chair to a standing position. Yet I felt encouragement as I experienced angelic presence standing behind me and helping with tentative steps.
I rejoice as I remember these experiences. They gave me proof that angels are real, that Jesus is alive, omnipotent and available for all who call upon His name. Surely, the spiritual world is active and surrounds us every minute of every day and night. I now am positive that there is more to my life than this physical earthly existence. There is so much more. My heart fills with gratitude that I know how much Jesus cares for me. No matter what happens physically to me in the remainder of my earthly life I know beyond a shred of doubt that my eternal life with Jesus will be absolute joy!
"Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one; I died, and behold, I am alive for evermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades." Revelation 1:17b-18
