We still can't believe it. On December 27, 2018, Dick and I celebrated our 60th Wedding Anniversary! Are we that old? I know people who have been married 70 and even 75 years. Yes, we are all living longer thanks to medical advances post World War II. But marriage in today's culture shows a 40% to 50% divorce rate. So how did Dick and I last over 60 years?
First of all, Dick was 29 and I was 22 when we married. Statistics prove that long successful marriages occur when couples marry at ages 28-32. We both came from close-knit stable families with parents celebrating 40 and 50 years of marriage before death intervened. We both are Christians but shockingly 45% of Christian marriages end in divorce. Both of us are strong-willed self-centered people. Both of us enjoyed productive professional careers and we had four children within 5 years. We lived under a tight budget which required respect from both of us and we certainly had many misunderstandings, discussions and opposite points of view. But we both state without hesitation that now, in our eighties, we still love each other.
How did we do it? Our answer to that question is, "If you remain committed to each other, and remember the depth of love you experienced on your wedding day, you too can experience a long marriage". The problem is not many people like the word 'committed'. Webster's dictionary states commitment is "an agreement or pledge to do something in the future". We have become such a self-centered culture that we forget the wedding day promise.
Raising four children created a busy, noisy, challenging home but we loved our son and 3 daughters (and still do). Dick taught 6th grade for 9 years and then was an elementary school principal for 27 years in Wyckoff, NJ. Even though I had my degree in nursing, I always loved to sing. In 1969, after winning a New York recital, I began singing opera, musical comedy, and oratorio, especially in the NJ and NY City area. By the mid 1970s I was singing across the US, Canada and other countries. After becoming soloist for Norman Vincent Peale, the singing became demanding, but I was committed as a wife and mother and determined to continue a family life. Dick was very supportive and he was also busy with all his professional responsibilities. We had serious pressures but we remained 'committed'.
Now in our senior years we are so glad we survived those busy years. In 1991 Dick retired and we moved to our lake house in Elgin, Ontario where we enjoyed 18 years of beautiful winter activities and summer fishing and swimming. Life became more challenging when I was suddenly diagnosed with CNS lymphoma (brain cancer) in July, 2010 and was given 7 weeks to live. But Jesus miraculously healed me (the oncologists confirm the miracle)! I remained in the hospital four months fighting the cancer and Dick was there every day, helping me in my totally weakened state. The psychologist on staff told me I was blessed to have a husband who remained at my bedside because he knew so many husbands who could not tolerate their wives with debilitating cancers. Dick kept repeating, "I'm here because I love you". Talk about commitment!
In the past few years our lives have been challenged once again as Dick was diagnosed with 'mild dementia' in 2014. Now I have become his caregiver in spite of my right-sided weakness. Our commitment and love for each other continue to steadily grow. Dick struggles with the slow progressive dementia because it is a frightening disease affecting relationships, socially and familial. Dick's dementia is not critical and he remains loving and attentive much of the time but the concern and worry for the caregiver is present 24/7.
As we grow older we realize we are unprepared for these unexpected problems that appear. When we look back at how we felt in our sixties and were newly retired expecting to live the next 20 plus years just enjoying life, we realize life is not that easy. But how wonderful to celebrate 60 years of marriage and know we are blessed by an everlasting God. How precious to say "I love you" to the man I married 60 years ago and to hear him say in response, "And I'll never stop loving you". That's the reward of commitment.
