Dementia. Our culture denies dementia. Not surprising because dementia is frightening. It is emotionally painful as you see your loved one slide away. But the shocking reality is "every 65 seconds someone new is diagnosed with Alzheimer's". And Alzheimer's is just one manifestation of dementia. How did all this happen? Right now there is no cure and no scientific explanation why it hits some and not others.
I am not an expert on dementia. I am just an ordinary person who lives first hand with a loved one who is a victim of 'mild dementia'. And my, what a challenging 24/7 existence that is. There is another factor that intensifies the discomfort. We are senior citizens. In this stage of our lives we are not employed, not sought after for community roles, not active parents. So, indeed, what clout do we have? Does the culture really understand? Or does our culture just pass us by with thoughts of....."He's out to lunch!"......or "She's crazy!"
What is the reaction of the world around us? Dementia causes friends to run away and families to over react with placement in facilities. In contrast, a cancer diagnosis causes friends and families to gather round with meals, loving words, hugs, even walking the dog and cutting the lawn. But dementia? Denial, walking away, better things to do.......
Then the caregiver takes the entire burden on herself .......articulating the correct word when he speaks in confusion.......reminding him gently what day it is.....where he is......what the plan is for the day.......patiently smiling as he endlessly repeats the same personal stories......enduring the loss of social interaction.....telling him again and again how much she loves him........reminding him how proud she is of him......looking at old photos together of when he was honored in his professional career.......reminding him of simple tasks he was currently engaged in but lost focus.......never criticizing him when he loses common sense. And all the while the caregiver is in deep emotional pain. Where is the wonderful, strong, independent, highly recognized, athletic, attentive parent, financial wizard, talented, faithful man she married?
God gave her this man as her husband 60 years ago. He has loved her, cherished her, protected her, provided for her, laughed with her, cried with her, debated with her and rejoiced with her. And now, even though some family and friends look away, she will stand by him "til death do us part".
Oh, may our culture seek to understand and support all our friends and families burdened with dementia knowing that dementia could even hit home.
