In Webster's dictionary, the noun 'love' means strong/warm attachment. When used as a verb, 'love' means to value highly/cherish. In our culture we use the word 'love' almost casually, but we should remember its powerful meaning. What would we be without love? What would we do without love? When we truly think about love and its power, it's amazing what love can do!
As most of you know, my husband suffers from mild dementia/Alzheimer's late onset. We live together in a Memory Care Facility. I made that decision because I love him dearly and never wanted him to feel alone. As many know, Alzheimer's is a growing tragedy in our culture hitting numerous individuals especially in our senior years. I also firmly believed that while showing my husband constant love, acceptance and encouragement he might not progress rapidly into severe confusion and mental deterioration. I realize there is much we do not know about Alzheimer's and each individual displays a different journey. I put my faith in love. So far, his progression has been slow and I can still enjoy living with a husband who knows me, tells me he loves me and can perform simple tasks.
But love takes energy and determination. In my situation, there are times that I get very frustrated, especially when I'm tired. When you've lived with a man for 61 years you know a lot about him and recognize his abilities. When the tragedy of dementia takes over, there are times I feel like I'm living with a 90 year old child. Here I am living in this locked down facility with little companionship because the other dementia victims are severely affected or in dire straits. I made this rare decision because my love for him supercedes my personal, self-centered desires.
Anyone going through the role of caregiver to a dementia victim knows there is little companionship, little conversation, little joy. So why do we sacrifice our independence and our lifestyle? Because we love them. When we think about it, what would we want if our roles were reversed? Dementia victims lead totally different lives depending on the severity and the progress of the disease. Now having lived with a dementia victim for at least 6 years, I have observed certain shared behaviors. Initially, the victims realize something is deteriorating with their brain, but they don't know what or how to fix it. The more they are criticized, or laughed at, the more they regress into their own troubled mind set. From the beginning I kept respecting Dick, reminding him of the incredibly productive professional life he led as a teacher and elementary school principal. He would not say much in response but I saw him brighten. We would also look at old photos and albums recording our busy lives as parents and the adventures we lived. Dick was an incredible athlete, white water rafting, literally teaching thousands to swim, playing hockey with his buddies in Canada, and maintaining rigorous daily exercises. That's probably why he is in such good physical shape not using a cane or walker. Unfortunately, he does not exercise now, or avidly watch sports like he used to. He spends most of his day napping, has little appetite, does not converse with people, and sometimes forgets about me. I have to be his counselor- reminding him to wash his hands, choosing his clothes, helping him eat (he frequently states, "I'm full"), reminding him where, when and what we are doing, picking up what he's dropped and forgotten, buttoning his shirt, and helping him dress. Every day and night we repeat the words "I love you". I thank him for loving me and he reminds me that he will never stop loving me. His words of passion bring joy to my heart and I believe do the same for him.
All caregivers know what I'm talking about. We maintain smiles to the world, stating every day, "I'm feeling fine, thank you." As for me, I totally depend on the Lord. As I struggle along walking with a cane and hoping I don't fall, I whisper Jesus' name because He is the one who loves me without reservation and He is the One who sustains me.
Love is not a simple entity. We read in 1 John 4:16, "God is love". That explains the power of love. Our magnificent Holy Creator is filled with love and imparts His love to us.
