She was ecstatic! She had just heard good news and she was filled with happiness. She was awed by how God had worked in her life.
The news came back from Dr. Amy's office. Your MRI is clear! Again it is clear! Since August 2010, the MRIs had continued to be clear. That meant...NO CANCER! She felt uplifted, energized and even more eager to exercise and continue therapy. Then she asked Dr. Amy, "What are the chances of someone surviving my kind of cancer?" Dr. Amy responded to her question, "Survival rate is only 15%." Only 15%? She was stunned.
She thought back to July 8, 2010. "Your cancer occurs in about 2-3% of the population....is very rare, aggressive and lethal," said Dr. C., the oncologist at Syracuse. "You have seven weeks to live." But then he added, "We think we have found a chemo that might work."
She couldn't get it out of her head. She had survived a lethal cancer. She wasn't special, she wasn't a star-studded person. She certainly had not lived a pure life. She had not been holy. But God had chosen to spare her. Her work on this earth was not done.
She thought of dear friends who were struggling with cancer. Dave - a man of incredible faith, Helen - now in hospice, Linda - fighting terminal cancer but shining with the light of Jesus. It almost made her feel guilty that she was surviving!
But God had a plan and she trusted His wisdom.
And now she felt abundant joy because she had learned so much during the active cancer. She sometimes had the feeling that she had stepped over the threshold into the spiritual world. She saw things through spiritual eyes. Just the other day while with friends, she felt distanced from their shallow chatter. Why are they even wasting their time on petty, self-centered distractions, she wondered.
Then today while waiting for her appointment with Dr. Amy, she took note of the other oncology patients. The Lord whispered to her to pray for each one as they passed by her. To pray for their finding love and peace with Jesus, that they not fear death, that they not have pain, that they believe in Christ, surrender to Him and thus have the assurance of Heaven.
Her cancer had opened up a whole new world and she wanted to share it with hurting, lonely people. Yes, she felt joy but she also realized many people in this world do not have joy. Could she reach out to them? Would God give her the tools and sensitivity to accomplish that? She somehow knew that the only way she could do what God wanted her to do was in complete, daily surrender to the Lord.
A friend asked her if these 3 years dealing with cancer had been worth it. Most people remarked about her remarkable recovery with "Aren't you glad just to be alive! Even though you have some physical challenges, you're alive!" And, of course, she would respond positively. But she realized it was more than 'being alive'. She had grown. She had taken a 'peek' into Paradise. She had experienced the very presence of Jesus. She knew Him intimately and she knew He loved her. Yes, that made all the past 3 years worth it.
Some might say, "Oh, you poor thing. You've lived through a horrible, struggling emotional time. How much of your senior years you've lost. How sad."
But she knew the secret of joy...real joy. Not giddy, silly, joke telling laughter, but real deep seated long lasting joy. What could be more joyous than abiding in the presence of the Lord?
There is an account of a group of people who were filled with "great joy" when their leader died and left them. They loved their leader, they believed in their leader, they knew that he spoke truth. So why was their response "great joy" when he left them? The answer is found in Luke 24: 50-53.
"When he had led them out to the vicinity of Bethany, he lifted up his hands and blessed them. While he was blessing them, he left them and was taken up into heaven. Then they worshipped him and returned to Jerusalem with great joy. And they stayed continually at the temple, praising God." NIV
Through all my struggles, the only lasting joy I've ever known is Jesus. Yes, great joy!
s
Friday, April 26, 2013
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Praise the Lord!
She looked at the pictures and marveled. "I look normal!", she exclaimed with astonishment. " How can that be? The doctors said I only had seven weeks to live! I was in a wheelchair for almost a year! I couldn't blink my eye,.....couldn't move my right side at all,....couldn't even move my tongue to the right side of my mouth,...could barely speak,....short visits from family or friends left me exhausted,....2-3 hour daily naps,.....Wow, I've come a long way!"
The photos shone back to her. Clear illuminating reflections of a woman clearly at peace. She kept staring at the various photos taken by the photographer from the Grand Rapids Press and posted on MLIVE. And in contrast, all the memories and traumatic events of the past 3 years flooded back through her mind. She still could hardly believe that she survived the ravages of brain cancer and continued to physically improve.
Then she flashed back to 'iphotos' and reviewed the photos Dick had taken when she was in Upstate Hospital in Syracuse. She had not had the courage to review these photos for 3 years but she thought now is the time. She felt stronger and knew she had to do this. BUT, now, looking at the hospital photos, she was shocked! These pictures showed a very sick woman lying in a hospital bed with a crooked smile, glazed deep set darkened eyes, unkempt messy hair, shaved bald area on the top of her head where they had done the brain biopsy, edematous feet and legs, arm in a supportive sling, IV tubes, nasal oxygen, struggling to appear 'normal'. Ugh!
The tears rolled down her cheeks. Sobs welled up. How could anyone have loved her during that time? She remembered she had been very ill but now she saw the reality and that was frightening. Dick came to her side to comfort her. "Remember, they told you 'seven weeks to live'. But you're alive! Look at how far you've come! And I never stopped loving you." Dick's words broke with emotion.
They both looked at each other and smiled. "God is so good! I will always praise Him!"
"When did you get to the point that you realized I was not going to die in 7 weeks?" She asked Dick. "I saw you getting better, not worse," he responded. "There was one incident, however, that was pretty scary...do you remember?"
Ah, yes, she remembered. About 10 days after the brain cancer diagnosis, the medical team gave her steroids to accelerate the healing process. That evening she suddenly became acutely confused and was unable to speak or blurt out her name. She remembered the nurse running from her room to notify the doctors who responded in minutes. More questions, more confusion. She remembered feeling frightened as she made unintelligible noises. And then more medicine to counter the steroid. Then hearing Dick and Carin crying. She knew what was happening but had no control over the situation.
Then things began to settle as she uttered her own name. The nursing staff relaxed. Carin stayed with her that night as Dick was wisely sent back to Glenn's for rest. Carin climbed onto the bed next to her and cried. Wrapping her left arm around Carin, she softly stammered, "Everything is going to be alright. Jesus is here." Here she was the patient, but with the power of God's amazing presence, she comforted her grown child like she had done years ago.
She began to think of all the suffering in the world. She thought of friends dying of cancer or cardiac problems or other medical conditions. She thought of the recent monster tragedy in Boston where athletes and bystanders had lost limbs. Disease, accidents, violence changes lives forever. She knew many would question the existence of God in the evil happenings of our current times. But she also knew with certainty that God DID exist. His love showed in the compassion of supporters in Boston. His love showed through in prayers lifted for her healing.
Jesus was alive and well in this world. The Enemy was 'prowling like a roaring lion' but she knew God has the last word. God would win in the end.
This bout with cancer and its residual physical challenges had given her greater faith and trust in Jesus than she had ever known. She had recently heard of a young man who was in a wheelchair because of an auto accident. His comment to observers was "This was the best thing that happened to me." Wow! When she heard that, she questioned her own situation. Could she honestly say what he said?
She also thought of their dear friend and pastor, Bruce Hoffman, who had suffered and died of brain cancer the same time she was struggling with cancer. His faith was so strong and he never uttered those words, "Why me?" Instead, Bruce trusted in Jesus and knew that God's wisdom overshadowed all earthly reasoning.
Over the past 3 years she had often wondered, "Why me?" And also, "What purpose do you see in this, Lord?" And now she was experiencing over and over again the healing, love and care of Jesus. It made her realize no human can fully understand the ultimate wisdom and plan that God has ordained for our lives.
She also knew something else very important. When she spent prayer time praising the Lord she felt exhilaration. When she stood in church on Sunday mornings and sang songs of praise and worship she actually experienced physical healing. That was the key! To focus on Jesus and all He has done for her and brought her out of self pity, worry, fear and stress. She then vowed to keep praising!
"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have being." Psalm 146
The photos shone back to her. Clear illuminating reflections of a woman clearly at peace. She kept staring at the various photos taken by the photographer from the Grand Rapids Press and posted on MLIVE. And in contrast, all the memories and traumatic events of the past 3 years flooded back through her mind. She still could hardly believe that she survived the ravages of brain cancer and continued to physically improve.
Then she flashed back to 'iphotos' and reviewed the photos Dick had taken when she was in Upstate Hospital in Syracuse. She had not had the courage to review these photos for 3 years but she thought now is the time. She felt stronger and knew she had to do this. BUT, now, looking at the hospital photos, she was shocked! These pictures showed a very sick woman lying in a hospital bed with a crooked smile, glazed deep set darkened eyes, unkempt messy hair, shaved bald area on the top of her head where they had done the brain biopsy, edematous feet and legs, arm in a supportive sling, IV tubes, nasal oxygen, struggling to appear 'normal'. Ugh!
The tears rolled down her cheeks. Sobs welled up. How could anyone have loved her during that time? She remembered she had been very ill but now she saw the reality and that was frightening. Dick came to her side to comfort her. "Remember, they told you 'seven weeks to live'. But you're alive! Look at how far you've come! And I never stopped loving you." Dick's words broke with emotion.
They both looked at each other and smiled. "God is so good! I will always praise Him!"
"When did you get to the point that you realized I was not going to die in 7 weeks?" She asked Dick. "I saw you getting better, not worse," he responded. "There was one incident, however, that was pretty scary...do you remember?"
Ah, yes, she remembered. About 10 days after the brain cancer diagnosis, the medical team gave her steroids to accelerate the healing process. That evening she suddenly became acutely confused and was unable to speak or blurt out her name. She remembered the nurse running from her room to notify the doctors who responded in minutes. More questions, more confusion. She remembered feeling frightened as she made unintelligible noises. And then more medicine to counter the steroid. Then hearing Dick and Carin crying. She knew what was happening but had no control over the situation.
Then things began to settle as she uttered her own name. The nursing staff relaxed. Carin stayed with her that night as Dick was wisely sent back to Glenn's for rest. Carin climbed onto the bed next to her and cried. Wrapping her left arm around Carin, she softly stammered, "Everything is going to be alright. Jesus is here." Here she was the patient, but with the power of God's amazing presence, she comforted her grown child like she had done years ago.
She began to think of all the suffering in the world. She thought of friends dying of cancer or cardiac problems or other medical conditions. She thought of the recent monster tragedy in Boston where athletes and bystanders had lost limbs. Disease, accidents, violence changes lives forever. She knew many would question the existence of God in the evil happenings of our current times. But she also knew with certainty that God DID exist. His love showed in the compassion of supporters in Boston. His love showed through in prayers lifted for her healing.
Jesus was alive and well in this world. The Enemy was 'prowling like a roaring lion' but she knew God has the last word. God would win in the end.
This bout with cancer and its residual physical challenges had given her greater faith and trust in Jesus than she had ever known. She had recently heard of a young man who was in a wheelchair because of an auto accident. His comment to observers was "This was the best thing that happened to me." Wow! When she heard that, she questioned her own situation. Could she honestly say what he said?
She also thought of their dear friend and pastor, Bruce Hoffman, who had suffered and died of brain cancer the same time she was struggling with cancer. His faith was so strong and he never uttered those words, "Why me?" Instead, Bruce trusted in Jesus and knew that God's wisdom overshadowed all earthly reasoning.
Over the past 3 years she had often wondered, "Why me?" And also, "What purpose do you see in this, Lord?" And now she was experiencing over and over again the healing, love and care of Jesus. It made her realize no human can fully understand the ultimate wisdom and plan that God has ordained for our lives.
She also knew something else very important. When she spent prayer time praising the Lord she felt exhilaration. When she stood in church on Sunday mornings and sang songs of praise and worship she actually experienced physical healing. That was the key! To focus on Jesus and all He has done for her and brought her out of self pity, worry, fear and stress. She then vowed to keep praising!
"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord, O my soul! I will praise the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have being." Psalm 146
Monday, April 8, 2013
You are marvelously created!
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1: 1-5 NIV
How she loved those verses. Such depth, such incredible insight and understanding into the truth of Jesus! She had memorized the verses and repeated them on many a sleepless night which had brought comfort and peace.
Her recent experiences with physical rehabilitation had given her pause to think on the whole aspect of creation of the human body. As she thought about the details and workings of her physical body she marveled again at the Creator. She rejoiced and worshipped over this marvelous omnipresent God who continues to be the designer.
She remembered as a student nurse working in the delivery room and actually seeing a baby being born. The exultant moment as God brought forth a new life into this earthly world. What a miracle to realize that a tiny egg joined with a tiny sperm and by God's design a new life was formed. In the nine months following conception that new life took on amazing development all pre-ordained by God! Each new life had promise and meaning. Each new life dearly loved and cared for by the Creator. What blessed thoughts! And to think that every human being that has ever existed and will ever exist is distinctively unique.
As a nurse she knew that the body itself was created with wonderful attributes. Just the simple everyday functions that everyone takes for granted can be scientifically challenging to duplicate. Take swallowing, breathing, blinking the eyes, speaking, walking, lifting an arm..... Ah..and this is where she realized day to day functions can face challenges.
Since her brain cancer had effected her left thalamus, which governs motor skills, walking and lifting her arm proved challenging. However, God has also created a highly functioning muscle unit...the brain... that can be re-trained to compensate for injury or trauma. How incredible! She began to realize that probably 50 years ago she would have been put 'on a shelf' and forgotten, due to her brain cancer. As a nurse back in the late fifties and early sixties, she knew there did not exist any viable research on brain rehabilitation. But now there is notable evidence that the brain has great capacity to re-learn bodily functions.
Critical to the bodily rehabilitation, however, is the determination and positive attitude of the patient...the person undergoing rehab/therapy. From the first day she entered Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY, prior to her confirmed diagnosis of brain cancer, she forced herself to get out of bed and walk. She remembered how the nurses expressed concern (and a little alarm) that she would stumble out into the hallway, hang onto the hospital railing and struggle to walk around the unit. A physical therapist was immediately called who gave her a walker for assistance. No one wanted her to fall. But she knew that in order to prevent muscle atrophy she had to keep moving.
That determination has continued since that June of 2010 when she entered the hospital. Oh, there have been moments....of depression, tears, helplessness, frustration! But during all that time there was the powerful presence of Jesus. He physically appeared to her while she was in Syracuse and again was there at her bedside in Spectrum, Grand Rapids, during those once a month week long treatments of the powerful chemotherapy, methotrexate. She saw Him standing there next to her, arms outstretched, loving and caring for her and constantly watching over her. His presence gave her hope. His presence gave her encouragement as she faced the most difficult time in her earthly life. Jesus wanted her to heal. Jesus wanted her to get her life back together. Jesus wanted her to remain determined and positive. Jesus did not want her to give up.
Now as she worked with the therapists at MaryFreeBed she grabbed onto powerful words. Repetitive! and Quality! As Liz and Janna encouraged her, she understand the words. Repetitive....repeat the exercise but don't overdue. Quality....concentrate on the individual exercise to give it your best but don't push to exhaustive quantity. "Yes, Janet, remember, the brain can be re-trained and you can do it!" They even instructed her to talk to her hand as the fingers moved and to talk to her leg reminding the knee to bend. The brain was being reminded of its functions and research had proved that worked.
All the time God was by her side. He had created her. He had known her in her mother's womb. He had known what He had planned for her life. He rejoiced that she knew Him and loved Him and listened to Him. Her earthly life was not finished just yet. He had more for her to do.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ........All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-14, 16
Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." John 1: 1-5 NIV
How she loved those verses. Such depth, such incredible insight and understanding into the truth of Jesus! She had memorized the verses and repeated them on many a sleepless night which had brought comfort and peace.
Her recent experiences with physical rehabilitation had given her pause to think on the whole aspect of creation of the human body. As she thought about the details and workings of her physical body she marveled again at the Creator. She rejoiced and worshipped over this marvelous omnipresent God who continues to be the designer.
She remembered as a student nurse working in the delivery room and actually seeing a baby being born. The exultant moment as God brought forth a new life into this earthly world. What a miracle to realize that a tiny egg joined with a tiny sperm and by God's design a new life was formed. In the nine months following conception that new life took on amazing development all pre-ordained by God! Each new life had promise and meaning. Each new life dearly loved and cared for by the Creator. What blessed thoughts! And to think that every human being that has ever existed and will ever exist is distinctively unique.
As a nurse she knew that the body itself was created with wonderful attributes. Just the simple everyday functions that everyone takes for granted can be scientifically challenging to duplicate. Take swallowing, breathing, blinking the eyes, speaking, walking, lifting an arm..... Ah..and this is where she realized day to day functions can face challenges.
Since her brain cancer had effected her left thalamus, which governs motor skills, walking and lifting her arm proved challenging. However, God has also created a highly functioning muscle unit...the brain... that can be re-trained to compensate for injury or trauma. How incredible! She began to realize that probably 50 years ago she would have been put 'on a shelf' and forgotten, due to her brain cancer. As a nurse back in the late fifties and early sixties, she knew there did not exist any viable research on brain rehabilitation. But now there is notable evidence that the brain has great capacity to re-learn bodily functions.
Critical to the bodily rehabilitation, however, is the determination and positive attitude of the patient...the person undergoing rehab/therapy. From the first day she entered Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY, prior to her confirmed diagnosis of brain cancer, she forced herself to get out of bed and walk. She remembered how the nurses expressed concern (and a little alarm) that she would stumble out into the hallway, hang onto the hospital railing and struggle to walk around the unit. A physical therapist was immediately called who gave her a walker for assistance. No one wanted her to fall. But she knew that in order to prevent muscle atrophy she had to keep moving.
That determination has continued since that June of 2010 when she entered the hospital. Oh, there have been moments....of depression, tears, helplessness, frustration! But during all that time there was the powerful presence of Jesus. He physically appeared to her while she was in Syracuse and again was there at her bedside in Spectrum, Grand Rapids, during those once a month week long treatments of the powerful chemotherapy, methotrexate. She saw Him standing there next to her, arms outstretched, loving and caring for her and constantly watching over her. His presence gave her hope. His presence gave her encouragement as she faced the most difficult time in her earthly life. Jesus wanted her to heal. Jesus wanted her to get her life back together. Jesus wanted her to remain determined and positive. Jesus did not want her to give up.
Now as she worked with the therapists at MaryFreeBed she grabbed onto powerful words. Repetitive! and Quality! As Liz and Janna encouraged her, she understand the words. Repetitive....repeat the exercise but don't overdue. Quality....concentrate on the individual exercise to give it your best but don't push to exhaustive quantity. "Yes, Janet, remember, the brain can be re-trained and you can do it!" They even instructed her to talk to her hand as the fingers moved and to talk to her leg reminding the knee to bend. The brain was being reminded of its functions and research had proved that worked.
All the time God was by her side. He had created her. He had known her in her mother's womb. He had known what He had planned for her life. He rejoiced that she knew Him and loved Him and listened to Him. Her earthly life was not finished just yet. He had more for her to do.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ........All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139: 13-14, 16
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