After months and months of physical (PT) and occupational (OT) therapy she could honestly say that therapy is a full-time job! She had started therapy at Upstate Hospital in Syracuse with initial steps in walking and using her arm. She remembered the first day in their gym when they showed her four stairs to climb. Still feeling very weak and foggy from the brain biopsy and 2 months of intensive chemotherapy she remembered the sheer determination that propelled her up and down those steps. She collapsed into her wheelchair visibly shaking with fatigue but she had proved to herself she could do it!
Now three years had passed by and she continued with OT and PT determined to improve muscle and nerve activity in her right arm and leg so that she could live independently. As she looked back she realized there were improvements, ever so slight and ever so slow, but she had never gone backward in her strengthening and mobility.
God was with her, ever standing by her side, constantly whispering words of encouragement . Some days the challenge seemed overwhelming but she would hear a small voice, "Come on, Janet, you can do it. I'll help you. I am with you." And then her step quickened, her shoulders drew back, her head lifted, and she faced with confidence the new challenge.
Her weeks at MaryFreeBed made her feel exultant! Liz and Janna worked patiently, tirelessly and professionally. She was amazed at how they knew what muscles needed more work and more exercise. They were able to identify the areas of weakness by monitoring her moves, by touching the muscles. One day she said to them, "I can see that you don't learn about OT and PT by reading a book or attending a lecture. You learn by doing. Only 'hands on' experience can teach you." Yes, these therapists knew and that is why they could help her.
Every time she left MaryFreeBed after therapy she was exhausted but on a high. What they helped her do.....what joy filled her from their positive encouragement! And she would return home confident she could continue the exercises and progress on her own at home.
On March 15 she entered a new phase of therapy. Dr. V., the physiatrist (nerve/muscle) physician on staff at MaryFreeBed injected her right forearm with a series of intramuscular injections (using 27 gauge needle) of Botox! She had met with Dr. V. a few weeks earlier and had discussed with him the Botox therapy. One friend commented after hearing about the new therapy, "Oh Janet, you are going to have the most beautiful arm!" But she wasn't interested in beautiful arms, but only in well functioning arms.
The injections were basically painless, just pricks and some discomfort. But she was amazed. One injection in her forearm was felt all the way up to her bicep! The intent of the Botox therapy was to eliminate the 'tone' and 'spasticity' in her forearm, especially the wrist. The damage done in the left thalamus of the brain from the cancer had effected the nerves and muscles of the arm so that they were not performing correctly. The Botox would relax the forearm muscles and nerves so that with the proper exercise and stimulation the brain would remind the arm of its proper function.
Now, this is where the Bioness arm device comes in. She had recently acquired the arm device which when applied to the arm stimulated the nerve endings via the electrical conductors. Now with the muscles relaxed from the Botox, the Bioness device would be able to achieve better results.
So, while in Dr. V's office she put it on to show how this would all work. To simplify the application Dick removed the wrist band that, if necessary, prevented the device from falling off the arm.
The Botox procedure proved overwhelming....new procedure, new environment...all scary with a lot of 'unknowns'. So she was exhausted, drained and emotionally weak after they left MaryFreeBed. Upon returning back to Holland, after lunch and a nap, they took the Bioness device out of the bag to start her daily 90 minute applications for phase one and two. All of a sudden they realized the safety strap was missing. They fretted over that, wondering where they had left it.
It just so happened that at that moment the phone rang. Dick answered. The nurse from Dr. V's office at MaryFreeBed spoke. "We have your safety strap from your Bioness device. We'll send it over to Liz and you can pick it up when you come in on Monday for your OT appointment."
Then the most amazing message hit her. "That was a God thing," she told Dick. "The Lord gave me a message...'I am taking care of you Janet'!"
In the reality of all she was facing...OT and PT challenges, continual struggles over physical functions, fatigue, frustrations, emotional ups and downs, she had a concrete reminder. YES, God was taking care of her! "If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
By Sunday, the wrist was flat (no more 'tone') and the fingers were relaxed. Praise the Lord! He is good!
Monday, March 18, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Truth and Power
Truth and Power
Here it is March, 2013, and yet she remembered clearly the critical events that took place those life-changing months of 2010 and 2011. Dr. C., the oncologist at Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY had put her on a regimen of methotrexate chemotherapy immediately after the diagnosis of CNS lymphoma in the left thalamus of the brain was confirmed. That chemo had continued for sixteen months! For the first 4 months in Syracuse, the chemo was given every 2 weeks during her 4 month hospital stay. But after her discharge from Upstate Hospital the regimen changed. Her chemo in Michigan basically involved hospital stays lasting about one week each month.
Critical to the chemo regimen was the flushing out the chemo after it had been injected and given time to destroy the cancer cells. She understood that chemo was essentially a poisonous substance that had to be thoroughly flushed out of the body so the healthy cells would not be destroyed. She knew how scary the whole process was, but now in 2013, the doctors were amazed at how well she had tolerated this invasion into her body and her health had returned.
She remembered how the nurses kept a running score on her board in the hospital room of the methotrexate level. During each entire hospital stay she had continuous IV fluids circulating through her body and the administration of the chemo and IV fluids was all dependent on the ph level of her urine. She remembered how the nurses kept close watch on these factors. Then once the chemo had run its course, the vigil ensued as the methotrexate level in her body had to decrease to 0.05. She constantly tried to assist in reducing this number by drinking lots of fluids but the IV fluid always proved to be the most effective.
The month of February, 2011 was especially memorable. Since the end of October, 2010 she was in Michigan and after 6 months of chemotherapy she was getting used to the idea of admission to the hospital on Monday and (if levels were satisfactory) discharge on Friday. Who chose to stay longer than necessary?
That week in February on Thursday night she knew the methotrexate level had to go down 6 points by Friday morning for her to be discharged. The 'magic' number was 0.05 ph urine. So she prayed fervently for that to happen. And during the night she had a dream.
She saw a beautiful box decorated in shimmering gold sitting on a pile of straw. There were many angels hovering over the box and printed on the box in plain numerals was "0.05".
She awoke Friday morning and the early lab results announced 0.05 for her methotrexate level! She was thrilled knowing she could go home that day and amazed at the memory of her dream. God was praised! He had heard her prayers and answered. She rejoiced knowing He was constantly guiding her during this cancer treatment.
BUT then at 7:30 am, Dr. A., her oncologist in Holland and Grand Rapids, entered her hospital room and told her that the creatine level of her kidneys was elevated. Dr A. was concerned. The chemo had begun to have a negative effect on her kidneys. This was serious. Her kidneys could not tolerate any damage. Kidney problems could lead to kidney failure and the possibility of requiring dialysis. As a nurse she knew the importance of healthy working kidneys! This emphasized to her how devastating, powerful and critical the chemo treatments were.
When Dick arrived that morning she told him the good news about the MTX level but also now the kidney concerns. Because of the elevated creatine levels Dr. A. told her she had to lengthen the hospital stay until the levels returned to normal. She and Dick were both upset. Ugh! Another day and night in the hospital....another night that he had to return to their condo alone. Time for serious prayer!
Late that afternoon after Dick had gone home, she picked up her Bible and it just happened (!) to open to the last chapter of Ephesians. She began reading, starting with verse 10 of chapter 6 about putting on the full armor of God in our battle with Satan. When she got to verse 16, a thunderbolt hit her!
"taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one".
She realized with utmost clarity that, of course, Satan was attacking her precious, healthy kidneys!
The chemo therapy was progressing well and she realized the Enemy wanted to mess that up. She immediately prayed, "Satan, in the powerful name of Jesus, leave my kidneys alone!" And she repeated that directive throughout the night. She knew that Jesus is all powerful, all knowing, greater than any evil spirit and she believed how mighty He is.
The next morning, Saturday, her creatine level was normal at 1.1, down from 1.3! Again God was present, God heard her prayers, God performed a miracle and she could now go home. The kidneys were not harmed. God had chosen to bless her because He had more work for her to do....to spread His story of love and faithfulness to everyone she came in contact with.
She knew this underscored the mighty Truth and Power of Jesus!
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6: 10-17
Here it is March, 2013, and yet she remembered clearly the critical events that took place those life-changing months of 2010 and 2011. Dr. C., the oncologist at Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY had put her on a regimen of methotrexate chemotherapy immediately after the diagnosis of CNS lymphoma in the left thalamus of the brain was confirmed. That chemo had continued for sixteen months! For the first 4 months in Syracuse, the chemo was given every 2 weeks during her 4 month hospital stay. But after her discharge from Upstate Hospital the regimen changed. Her chemo in Michigan basically involved hospital stays lasting about one week each month.
Critical to the chemo regimen was the flushing out the chemo after it had been injected and given time to destroy the cancer cells. She understood that chemo was essentially a poisonous substance that had to be thoroughly flushed out of the body so the healthy cells would not be destroyed. She knew how scary the whole process was, but now in 2013, the doctors were amazed at how well she had tolerated this invasion into her body and her health had returned.
She remembered how the nurses kept a running score on her board in the hospital room of the methotrexate level. During each entire hospital stay she had continuous IV fluids circulating through her body and the administration of the chemo and IV fluids was all dependent on the ph level of her urine. She remembered how the nurses kept close watch on these factors. Then once the chemo had run its course, the vigil ensued as the methotrexate level in her body had to decrease to 0.05. She constantly tried to assist in reducing this number by drinking lots of fluids but the IV fluid always proved to be the most effective.
The month of February, 2011 was especially memorable. Since the end of October, 2010 she was in Michigan and after 6 months of chemotherapy she was getting used to the idea of admission to the hospital on Monday and (if levels were satisfactory) discharge on Friday. Who chose to stay longer than necessary?
That week in February on Thursday night she knew the methotrexate level had to go down 6 points by Friday morning for her to be discharged. The 'magic' number was 0.05 ph urine. So she prayed fervently for that to happen. And during the night she had a dream.
She saw a beautiful box decorated in shimmering gold sitting on a pile of straw. There were many angels hovering over the box and printed on the box in plain numerals was "0.05".
She awoke Friday morning and the early lab results announced 0.05 for her methotrexate level! She was thrilled knowing she could go home that day and amazed at the memory of her dream. God was praised! He had heard her prayers and answered. She rejoiced knowing He was constantly guiding her during this cancer treatment.
BUT then at 7:30 am, Dr. A., her oncologist in Holland and Grand Rapids, entered her hospital room and told her that the creatine level of her kidneys was elevated. Dr A. was concerned. The chemo had begun to have a negative effect on her kidneys. This was serious. Her kidneys could not tolerate any damage. Kidney problems could lead to kidney failure and the possibility of requiring dialysis. As a nurse she knew the importance of healthy working kidneys! This emphasized to her how devastating, powerful and critical the chemo treatments were.
When Dick arrived that morning she told him the good news about the MTX level but also now the kidney concerns. Because of the elevated creatine levels Dr. A. told her she had to lengthen the hospital stay until the levels returned to normal. She and Dick were both upset. Ugh! Another day and night in the hospital....another night that he had to return to their condo alone. Time for serious prayer!
Late that afternoon after Dick had gone home, she picked up her Bible and it just happened (!) to open to the last chapter of Ephesians. She began reading, starting with verse 10 of chapter 6 about putting on the full armor of God in our battle with Satan. When she got to verse 16, a thunderbolt hit her!
"taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one".
She realized with utmost clarity that, of course, Satan was attacking her precious, healthy kidneys!
The chemo therapy was progressing well and she realized the Enemy wanted to mess that up. She immediately prayed, "Satan, in the powerful name of Jesus, leave my kidneys alone!" And she repeated that directive throughout the night. She knew that Jesus is all powerful, all knowing, greater than any evil spirit and she believed how mighty He is.
The next morning, Saturday, her creatine level was normal at 1.1, down from 1.3! Again God was present, God heard her prayers, God performed a miracle and she could now go home. The kidneys were not harmed. God had chosen to bless her because He had more work for her to do....to spread His story of love and faithfulness to everyone she came in contact with.
She knew this underscored the mighty Truth and Power of Jesus!
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the equipment of the gospel of peace; besides all these, taking the shield of faith, with which you can quench all the flaming darts of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." Ephesians 6: 10-17
Saturday, March 2, 2013
A Promise Given
A Promise Given
"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything he promised."
Romans 4: 20-21
She had a story and she wanted to tell everyone. She never forgot it. She never put it far from her mind. It had been something she had never experienced before. It brought tears to her eyes every time she thought about it because it had been so incredulous, so unexpected, so unearthly...and yet so real.
Now, 2 1/2 years later, she realized some people silently scoffed at her story, some thought she was delusional, some dismissed her as irrational, some now avoided her. But there were others who believed as she did, who had 'goosebumps' upon hearing the details, and were inspired and warmed by her story.
But, no matter what others concluded, she knew she had to share with any who would listen, what she saw and heard that night.
May 26, 2010
She went to bed early that evening. During the past few weeks that month of May, she had not been her usual energetic self so she thought a good night's sleep would help.
They were at their Canadian lake house and the intriguing sound of loons on the peaceful lake lulled her to sleep. The comfortable queen size bed in the downstairs guest bedroom of their roomy lakefront retirement home gave her a feeling of luxury. She knew Dick would soon join her after enjoying the latest baseball game on TV.
It was the middle of the night. Suddenly, she turned over in bed, half awake. Something caused her to stir. What was it? And then a vision appeared directly in front of her face. She partially awoke aware of a glorious event happening right before her very eyes. She saw something wondrous. A beautiful cushioned throne, glistening in a mass of sparkling golden rays appeared before her astonished face. The golden rays looked like sunbeams but they were coming from the throne. They shone with intensity like nothing she had ever seen before. The golden rays kept moving back and forth creating a visual wonder of gold sparkling intensity.
Someone was sitting on the throne and she somehow knew without a doubt that the person was none other than JESUS! Her heart leaped. With breathless anticipation she humbly realized she had a special visit from the Lord Himself. She did not see His face. It was blurred. But there was what looked like a crown on His head shining brightly in sparkling, radiating gold. Everything was glistening in gold, even the plain colored robe He was wearing.
His hands rested on the arms of the throne and in His left hand He held a sphere--circular, multi-colored and radiating in golden sparkles. She wondered ....what did the round ball of magnificent colors and golden rays mean?
Then she heard a voice. He spoke. A voice of authority, power and love filled her ears. The voice communicated warmth as He spoke in beautiful, caring tones. "You will be healed. BUT in My own time-frame".
She not only heard the words but she saw them, like the news updates scrolling across the bottom of the TV screen. The word 'but' was emphasized by the power in His voice and appeared in capitol letters.
And then silence. The vision left. The night surrounded her again.
Her immediate unspoken response was, "That's nice of you, Lord, but I'm not that sick. Please help someone who needs you more than me."
Suddenly Dick awoke. "Janet, who was just talking to you?"
Dick had heard the voice!
Six weeks later she was diagnosed with CNS lymphoma located in the left thalamus of the brain. On July 8, 2010 the oncologist told her she had a rare, aggressive cancer and she had 7 weeks to live.
But she had continued to live, continued to heal ever so slowly and the MRIs continued to be clear since August of 2010!
That vision had sustained her through 16 months of chemo, the inability to walk and then the slow tedious therapy to remind the nerves to work again, the devastating fatigue, the emotional post-brain trauma depression, the fears, the doubts, the questioning, the struggles. Yes, that vision had held on to her and she believed in it.
She wondered about it numerous times. Was that really Jesus or an angel who delivered that message? She knew from the scripture that whenever anyone was visited by an angel or the Lord they fell face downward in a trance. She thought of Daniel and Paul and John. But then she thought of Mary and Joseph. The angel visited them and they were not totally overcome. She thought of Isaiah..."In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up and His train filled the temple." (Isaiah 6: 1) And she thought of Abraham and Sarah entertaining the Lord by the oaks of Mamre with meal cakes and calf meat. How Sarah had laughed to herself when the Lord told Abraham she was to have a baby!
Yes the God of scripture had appeared in various ways to His people as He constantly guided them in His plan. She had thought over the past few years that the vision and voice she witnessed that night had serious implications. She was just an ordinary woman who had experienced an amazing life of accomplishments because God had given her special gifts and talents. And she had known for a long time that she had a powerful and definable realization of the presence of God in her life.
Now she had a special serious responsibility. Whenever she had the opportunity she must tell people about the everlasting, faithful love of God. She must tell them that Jesus is REAL!, that He is the Savior and He is the hope in our world of pain and suffering. She knew she would keep telling the story.
Just last week as she walked the 'skywalk' at MaryFreeBed Rehab facility a woman she did not recognize and had never seen before, approached her. "Aren't you the one who had been told you only had seven weeks to live and that was 2 1/2 years ago?"
She was taken by surprise. How did this woman know that? She had never spoken to her before. She responded with joy, "God did this. He is wonderful."
That same day the man she saw on the elevator asked her, "Why do you think God has been healing you?" Without hesitation she told him, "So I can tell others how much He loves them." He then exclaimed, "That's the way to go, girl!"
Those short simple conversations made her realize she had to keep telling others. Small exchanges, but powerful and perhaps life changing.
"Abraham never wavered in believing God's promise. In fact his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was absolutely convinced that God was able to do anything he promised."
Romans 4: 20-21
She had a story and she wanted to tell everyone. She never forgot it. She never put it far from her mind. It had been something she had never experienced before. It brought tears to her eyes every time she thought about it because it had been so incredulous, so unexpected, so unearthly...and yet so real.
Now, 2 1/2 years later, she realized some people silently scoffed at her story, some thought she was delusional, some dismissed her as irrational, some now avoided her. But there were others who believed as she did, who had 'goosebumps' upon hearing the details, and were inspired and warmed by her story.
But, no matter what others concluded, she knew she had to share with any who would listen, what she saw and heard that night.
May 26, 2010
She went to bed early that evening. During the past few weeks that month of May, she had not been her usual energetic self so she thought a good night's sleep would help.
They were at their Canadian lake house and the intriguing sound of loons on the peaceful lake lulled her to sleep. The comfortable queen size bed in the downstairs guest bedroom of their roomy lakefront retirement home gave her a feeling of luxury. She knew Dick would soon join her after enjoying the latest baseball game on TV.
It was the middle of the night. Suddenly, she turned over in bed, half awake. Something caused her to stir. What was it? And then a vision appeared directly in front of her face. She partially awoke aware of a glorious event happening right before her very eyes. She saw something wondrous. A beautiful cushioned throne, glistening in a mass of sparkling golden rays appeared before her astonished face. The golden rays looked like sunbeams but they were coming from the throne. They shone with intensity like nothing she had ever seen before. The golden rays kept moving back and forth creating a visual wonder of gold sparkling intensity.
Someone was sitting on the throne and she somehow knew without a doubt that the person was none other than JESUS! Her heart leaped. With breathless anticipation she humbly realized she had a special visit from the Lord Himself. She did not see His face. It was blurred. But there was what looked like a crown on His head shining brightly in sparkling, radiating gold. Everything was glistening in gold, even the plain colored robe He was wearing.
His hands rested on the arms of the throne and in His left hand He held a sphere--circular, multi-colored and radiating in golden sparkles. She wondered ....what did the round ball of magnificent colors and golden rays mean?
Then she heard a voice. He spoke. A voice of authority, power and love filled her ears. The voice communicated warmth as He spoke in beautiful, caring tones. "You will be healed. BUT in My own time-frame".
She not only heard the words but she saw them, like the news updates scrolling across the bottom of the TV screen. The word 'but' was emphasized by the power in His voice and appeared in capitol letters.
And then silence. The vision left. The night surrounded her again.
Her immediate unspoken response was, "That's nice of you, Lord, but I'm not that sick. Please help someone who needs you more than me."
Suddenly Dick awoke. "Janet, who was just talking to you?"
Dick had heard the voice!
Six weeks later she was diagnosed with CNS lymphoma located in the left thalamus of the brain. On July 8, 2010 the oncologist told her she had a rare, aggressive cancer and she had 7 weeks to live.
But she had continued to live, continued to heal ever so slowly and the MRIs continued to be clear since August of 2010!
That vision had sustained her through 16 months of chemo, the inability to walk and then the slow tedious therapy to remind the nerves to work again, the devastating fatigue, the emotional post-brain trauma depression, the fears, the doubts, the questioning, the struggles. Yes, that vision had held on to her and she believed in it.
She wondered about it numerous times. Was that really Jesus or an angel who delivered that message? She knew from the scripture that whenever anyone was visited by an angel or the Lord they fell face downward in a trance. She thought of Daniel and Paul and John. But then she thought of Mary and Joseph. The angel visited them and they were not totally overcome. She thought of Isaiah..."In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up and His train filled the temple." (Isaiah 6: 1) And she thought of Abraham and Sarah entertaining the Lord by the oaks of Mamre with meal cakes and calf meat. How Sarah had laughed to herself when the Lord told Abraham she was to have a baby!
Yes the God of scripture had appeared in various ways to His people as He constantly guided them in His plan. She had thought over the past few years that the vision and voice she witnessed that night had serious implications. She was just an ordinary woman who had experienced an amazing life of accomplishments because God had given her special gifts and talents. And she had known for a long time that she had a powerful and definable realization of the presence of God in her life.
Now she had a special serious responsibility. Whenever she had the opportunity she must tell people about the everlasting, faithful love of God. She must tell them that Jesus is REAL!, that He is the Savior and He is the hope in our world of pain and suffering. She knew she would keep telling the story.
Just last week as she walked the 'skywalk' at MaryFreeBed Rehab facility a woman she did not recognize and had never seen before, approached her. "Aren't you the one who had been told you only had seven weeks to live and that was 2 1/2 years ago?"
She was taken by surprise. How did this woman know that? She had never spoken to her before. She responded with joy, "God did this. He is wonderful."
That same day the man she saw on the elevator asked her, "Why do you think God has been healing you?" Without hesitation she told him, "So I can tell others how much He loves them." He then exclaimed, "That's the way to go, girl!"
Those short simple conversations made her realize she had to keep telling others. Small exchanges, but powerful and perhaps life changing.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Love and Valentines
Oh, how she always loved Valentine's Day! A day for secret, tiny cards signed "Guess who?". Snowy, wintry days when the red paper hearts hung from the kitchen lamp. A special day to say, "I love you!" Isn't it amazing how those words always bring warm hugs to hearts. She always loved hearing those words and saying them.
This year she was thrilled. An early morning surprise at the breakfast table! A small rose plant with fresh blooming scarlet red roses! And a package of yummy dark chocolate! Her favorites! The card said "To my darling wife, Janet" and she knew, yes, knew she was still loved. After 54 years, after many challenges, many hardships, many mis-understandings, many miscommunications, many disagreements but........they still loved each other.
She remembered hearing how some marriages were 'made in Heaven' and therefore were 'perfect'. She had hoped for that but now she realized no marriage is perfect. People just put on a mask and pretend -so that the world thinks it's perfect.
But, they had clung together all these years. They were blessed to still have each other. She marveled at how she was tenderly cared for, especially in the ravages of brain cancer. The subsequent damage done to her brain had caused weakness in her right side. She continued to be amazed at the continual healing but things had not returned to 'normal'. She walked slowly with the help of a cane or Dick's arm. Her right arm showed some slight improvement but she was a long way from writing with that hand. She marveled that she could now assist Dick with meal preparation, sauteing vegetables by holding the frying pan with her right hand. And she could make her own luncheon sandwich. But she was not totally independent yet.
Yes, what love she had experienced over the past 2 1/2 years. She remembered those first four months in Syracuse Upstate Hospital. Dick was there every day! Fortunately (God had planned it!), Glenn and his family lived only 20 minutes from the hospital so Dick had a guest room where he could stay. Each day Dick would arrive by 7:30 in the morning and stay until after her evening meal was eaten so he could help brush her teeth! All day he would sit by her side, read emails to her, speak words of encouragement, help her with bathroom visits, help her eat with her left hand, assist her moving to comfortable positions in bed, patiently sit while she dosed in frequent naps, cheering her on as she pushed her body to walk with the therapists moving her legs. Here she was the nurse by training and education who was prepared and willing to take care of him and, yet he, the swimming instructor, lifeguard, the teacher and elementary school principal, was caring for her!
There was nothing attractive about her in that hospital scene. Nor did she suddenly regain her looks when she was discharged. She recalled those days with revulsion. The steroid medications had caused ugly facial hair. Her former thick, healthy head of hair had thinned and looked unkempt. Her smile was crooked and her head and hand had tremors. She realized she sometimes had awful odors! Why did Dick still love her when the current advertising world screamed that the only desirous woman had to be beautiful, gorgeous, with the perfect body, flowing hair, sweet smelling and alluring! Instead, she was an ugly blot.
But Dick did love her. When she sobbed with tears of frustration and impatience with herself he would tenderly wrap his arms about her and assure her she was still beautiful, talented, with a heart of love! What a gift God had given her in this man she had fallen in love with years ago!
Yes, they had entrusted their lives to each other. She marveled at that, knowing how many marriages were falling apart these days. But they had stood before God on December 27, 1958 and promised to love each other "in sickness and in health 'til death do we part". They had kept their promise!
God had created their love, God was the beginning of love, God was love. This incredible power that melted hearts together, that brought laughter and joy, that caused a man and woman to look at each other after decades of marriage and still share intimacy, that made holding hands an act of devotion. Only God's love knit together two strong-willed individuals to respect and adore one another.
She rejoiced that she knew this God of love. He said in 1 John 4: 7-12, "Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."
In this earthly world, she realized, love was not just sensual sexual attraction or some Hollywood 'feeling' manufactured by chance. No, love between a husband and wife was a deep, long-lasting, trusting, forgiving experience created as a precious gift from God.
Thank you, Lord, that your magnanimous nature gave this gift to us. Happy Valentine's Day!
This year she was thrilled. An early morning surprise at the breakfast table! A small rose plant with fresh blooming scarlet red roses! And a package of yummy dark chocolate! Her favorites! The card said "To my darling wife, Janet" and she knew, yes, knew she was still loved. After 54 years, after many challenges, many hardships, many mis-understandings, many miscommunications, many disagreements but........they still loved each other.
She remembered hearing how some marriages were 'made in Heaven' and therefore were 'perfect'. She had hoped for that but now she realized no marriage is perfect. People just put on a mask and pretend -so that the world thinks it's perfect.
But, they had clung together all these years. They were blessed to still have each other. She marveled at how she was tenderly cared for, especially in the ravages of brain cancer. The subsequent damage done to her brain had caused weakness in her right side. She continued to be amazed at the continual healing but things had not returned to 'normal'. She walked slowly with the help of a cane or Dick's arm. Her right arm showed some slight improvement but she was a long way from writing with that hand. She marveled that she could now assist Dick with meal preparation, sauteing vegetables by holding the frying pan with her right hand. And she could make her own luncheon sandwich. But she was not totally independent yet.
Yes, what love she had experienced over the past 2 1/2 years. She remembered those first four months in Syracuse Upstate Hospital. Dick was there every day! Fortunately (God had planned it!), Glenn and his family lived only 20 minutes from the hospital so Dick had a guest room where he could stay. Each day Dick would arrive by 7:30 in the morning and stay until after her evening meal was eaten so he could help brush her teeth! All day he would sit by her side, read emails to her, speak words of encouragement, help her with bathroom visits, help her eat with her left hand, assist her moving to comfortable positions in bed, patiently sit while she dosed in frequent naps, cheering her on as she pushed her body to walk with the therapists moving her legs. Here she was the nurse by training and education who was prepared and willing to take care of him and, yet he, the swimming instructor, lifeguard, the teacher and elementary school principal, was caring for her!
There was nothing attractive about her in that hospital scene. Nor did she suddenly regain her looks when she was discharged. She recalled those days with revulsion. The steroid medications had caused ugly facial hair. Her former thick, healthy head of hair had thinned and looked unkempt. Her smile was crooked and her head and hand had tremors. She realized she sometimes had awful odors! Why did Dick still love her when the current advertising world screamed that the only desirous woman had to be beautiful, gorgeous, with the perfect body, flowing hair, sweet smelling and alluring! Instead, she was an ugly blot.
But Dick did love her. When she sobbed with tears of frustration and impatience with herself he would tenderly wrap his arms about her and assure her she was still beautiful, talented, with a heart of love! What a gift God had given her in this man she had fallen in love with years ago!
Yes, they had entrusted their lives to each other. She marveled at that, knowing how many marriages were falling apart these days. But they had stood before God on December 27, 1958 and promised to love each other "in sickness and in health 'til death do we part". They had kept their promise!
God had created their love, God was the beginning of love, God was love. This incredible power that melted hearts together, that brought laughter and joy, that caused a man and woman to look at each other after decades of marriage and still share intimacy, that made holding hands an act of devotion. Only God's love knit together two strong-willed individuals to respect and adore one another.
She rejoiced that she knew this God of love. He said in 1 John 4: 7-12, "Beloved, let us love one another; for love is of God, and he who loves is born of God and knows God. He who does not love does not know God; for God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us."
In this earthly world, she realized, love was not just sensual sexual attraction or some Hollywood 'feeling' manufactured by chance. No, love between a husband and wife was a deep, long-lasting, trusting, forgiving experience created as a precious gift from God.
Thank you, Lord, that your magnanimous nature gave this gift to us. Happy Valentine's Day!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Worry? or Trust
It was a busy week. Tons of snow the end of January. Looking for the storm lulls in order to travel and keep the daily appointments. The week started with OT and PT at the renowned MaryFreeBed facility in Grand Rapids. She was amazed at how the therapists evaluated her bodily movements and coordination skills, assessing the best possible exercises and electronic stimuli for nerve healing, especially in the arm. The left thalamus, where the cancer was discovered in early July, 2010, had been traumatized. Thus, right-sided weakness developed. Therapy had been continuous since then.
Tuesday afternoon a routine yearly mammogram was scheduled in the early afternoon. Then at 4:15 that day the phone rang.
"Is this Janet?..... This is the Breast Center calling. The doctor would like you to return as soon as possible for a more extensive mammogram. There is an area on the right breast that needs additional examination. The doctor will evaluate the new pictures and might then request an ultrasound. When can you come back for another appointment?"
Since more PT and OT were scheduled for Wednesday and a 3-month routine MRI scheduled for Thursday, the appointment at the Breast Center was made for Friday.
She hung up the phone and sat there stunned. No breast cancer in the family history. She had been told by her oncologist that the CNS lymphoma in the brain had 0% chance of metastasizing. The MRI's had been clear since August 2010. Jesus had given her the message in May, 2010, "You will be healed, BUT in my time frame". And the therapy was going well. Her strength was returning. What was going on?
Her mind raced. She had heard stories of cancer patients who had recovered only to have an unrelated cancer appear in another part of the body. Maybe the doctors were wrong. Maybe CNS lymphoma did metastasize. Was Jesus wrong? She pushed that question aside. She knew the 'Enemy' would want her to think that.
The 'port'! Yes, that must be the problem. In order for the administration of 20 doses of methotrexate chemotherapy she had received over 16 months, a port had been surgically placed above her right breast. Thus there had been no need for annoying IV injections for infusion. The port had been removed in November of 2012 but she had felt scar tissue at the site.
But...what if the scar tissue was not the problem? What if there was another location for cancer? What if she was diagnosed with breast cancer? What if? What if?...........
Dick walked into the room. "Who was on the phone? Is everything all right?......Janet, what happened?"
Sobs broke through her silence. "I can't take anymore. I've been through so much!" She grabbed tissues and blurted out the news she had just heard on the phone.
"But don't you think it's that scar tissue from the port?" Dick asked anxiously.
"That is a possibility. But if this is breast cancer, I've made a decision. No treatment....no chemo....no surgery....It's OK. I'm almost 77 and I know where I'm going when I die. No more tears....no more pain...and I'll be with Jesus."
Slowly, calm came over her and she rested her thoughts on God. She picked up a book she was reading..."Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and chapter 5 reminded her that Jesus called the Holy Spirit the 'Comforter'. She opened her Bible to John 14, 15, and 16. She found the title 'Comforter' is used numerous times in those chapters.
The word comforter is such a good word. Reminded her of snuggling under the goose down comforter on a cold winter night. Or of cuddling one of her children when they were frightened. And being held by her own mom or dad when she was sick in bed with mono. She now warmed herself to the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit in her life. He would keep her safe, He would shield her from any physical problems, He would comfort her no matter what the test results showed on Friday.
She was reminded again that she must trust, not worry.
Wednesday and Thursday were busy with PT, OT and the MRI. Friday dawned and she was amazed how calm and secure she felt. God was in control and He knew what was best for her.
The repeat mammograms were more painful and stressful this time because "they wanted to make sure". She sat in the waiting room leafing mindlessly through a home decorator magazine. Then she heard the words in the hallway, doctor to nurse.
"No need for an ultra sound. It was the scar tissue."
Simple unemotional report, but she knew! God was faithful, God had kept His promise, the oncologist was right......NO breast cancer! She dropped the magazine and silently sang His praises.
Tuesday afternoon a routine yearly mammogram was scheduled in the early afternoon. Then at 4:15 that day the phone rang.
"Is this Janet?..... This is the Breast Center calling. The doctor would like you to return as soon as possible for a more extensive mammogram. There is an area on the right breast that needs additional examination. The doctor will evaluate the new pictures and might then request an ultrasound. When can you come back for another appointment?"
Since more PT and OT were scheduled for Wednesday and a 3-month routine MRI scheduled for Thursday, the appointment at the Breast Center was made for Friday.
She hung up the phone and sat there stunned. No breast cancer in the family history. She had been told by her oncologist that the CNS lymphoma in the brain had 0% chance of metastasizing. The MRI's had been clear since August 2010. Jesus had given her the message in May, 2010, "You will be healed, BUT in my time frame". And the therapy was going well. Her strength was returning. What was going on?
Her mind raced. She had heard stories of cancer patients who had recovered only to have an unrelated cancer appear in another part of the body. Maybe the doctors were wrong. Maybe CNS lymphoma did metastasize. Was Jesus wrong? She pushed that question aside. She knew the 'Enemy' would want her to think that.
The 'port'! Yes, that must be the problem. In order for the administration of 20 doses of methotrexate chemotherapy she had received over 16 months, a port had been surgically placed above her right breast. Thus there had been no need for annoying IV injections for infusion. The port had been removed in November of 2012 but she had felt scar tissue at the site.
But...what if the scar tissue was not the problem? What if there was another location for cancer? What if she was diagnosed with breast cancer? What if? What if?...........
Dick walked into the room. "Who was on the phone? Is everything all right?......Janet, what happened?"
Sobs broke through her silence. "I can't take anymore. I've been through so much!" She grabbed tissues and blurted out the news she had just heard on the phone.
"But don't you think it's that scar tissue from the port?" Dick asked anxiously.
"That is a possibility. But if this is breast cancer, I've made a decision. No treatment....no chemo....no surgery....It's OK. I'm almost 77 and I know where I'm going when I die. No more tears....no more pain...and I'll be with Jesus."
Slowly, calm came over her and she rested her thoughts on God. She picked up a book she was reading..."Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and chapter 5 reminded her that Jesus called the Holy Spirit the 'Comforter'. She opened her Bible to John 14, 15, and 16. She found the title 'Comforter' is used numerous times in those chapters.
The word comforter is such a good word. Reminded her of snuggling under the goose down comforter on a cold winter night. Or of cuddling one of her children when they were frightened. And being held by her own mom or dad when she was sick in bed with mono. She now warmed herself to the overwhelming presence of the Holy Spirit in her life. He would keep her safe, He would shield her from any physical problems, He would comfort her no matter what the test results showed on Friday.
She was reminded again that she must trust, not worry.
Wednesday and Thursday were busy with PT, OT and the MRI. Friday dawned and she was amazed how calm and secure she felt. God was in control and He knew what was best for her.
The repeat mammograms were more painful and stressful this time because "they wanted to make sure". She sat in the waiting room leafing mindlessly through a home decorator magazine. Then she heard the words in the hallway, doctor to nurse.
"No need for an ultra sound. It was the scar tissue."
Simple unemotional report, but she knew! God was faithful, God had kept His promise, the oncologist was right......NO breast cancer! She dropped the magazine and silently sang His praises.
Friday, January 25, 2013
My story continues....
by Janet Baird Weisiger
She sat at the kitchen table of their condo in Holland, MI, speech therapist next to her. She sat upright struggling to look and sound intelligent. It was January, 2011 and she had been officially discharged from the hospital in Syracuse, NY the end of October. The trauma of brain cancer had affected her emotions so that she cried easily. Her thinking was difficult but seemed intact and she knew she had a long way to go before she would be able to function normally. It was so hard to think! In fact, it was exhausting!
But things were better every month, she concluded. Back in July, 2010, right after the brain biopsy when she was so very ill, she could only communicate in single words, partial phrases, sometimes barely a whisper. She would think the thought but could barely articulate the thought. How difficult that had been. She recalled how many times she was grateful for the patient, kind nursing staff who understood her limited speech. Maybe only a word, but they knew what she meant.
There were times she could not utter anything because her crying and sobbing overtook her. The doctors who stood asking her questions quietly left the room, their queries unanswered. How frustrating not to be able to communicate. That realization would bring more tears.
And now she had a new challenge. The speech therapist had come to the condo for several weeks now patiently working on her conversational speech. Obediently, she would sit in the chair using all her energies to concentrate on what the therapist was teaching. She remembered how last week she had fallen asleep even before the session was completed. It astounded her that merely thinking or listening intently to someone would be so taxing on her brain.
But now she wanted to push her brain to memorize something...anything! Somehow she thought that if she proved to herself she could memorize, then she would have proof she was getting better....that her brain was healing.
She opened her small Bible to Psalm 51. She cherished this Bible. It was pocket sized so she could easily slip it into her bag. It was light weight so that she could handle it with her left hand. True, the type was small but fortunately her eyesight was still excellent and not affected by the cancer. But, most importantly, Dick had given her this Bible for Christmas back in 1976. Yes, this small Bible was precious.
She now looked down to verses 10, 11, and 12 of Psalm 51. Familiar verses and meaningful verses.
"Can you help me?" she asked the therapist. "I so want to be able to say these verses when I'm lying there in the hospital bed. I go in for chemo again next week and I think they will help me."
Of course, she spoke hesitantly, painfully trying to communicating her desires.
The therapist immediately started working with her, slowly showing her the techniques. Together they patiently took phrase after phrase, repeating, establishing patterns and rhythms.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."
She fought against fatigue. She closed her eyes against any distractions. Oh, she wanted to do this so badly. She wanted to wake up her brain and call it into working again.
How easy it had always been for her to memorize. All the hundreds of concerts she had sung, memorizing every musical note and every lyric. All the musicals she had sung and acted where each speaking word and song she had performed perfectly. Even the various languages she had sung for recitals and oratorios. She knew she could memorize so why was it so difficult now?
The therapist interrupted her thoughts. "For this week, just memorize one line. Then next week we'll try another line."
"Thank you," she smiled. "Create in me a clean heart, O God..............." At last she was doing it! She was memorizing! Only a few words, but she could memorize!
And now, in 2013, she remembered that time and realized how far she had come. Her brain had healed, was still healing and she was grateful. She could now even give public presentations about her cancer communicating hope to victims of the dreaded disease. She also understood with tremendous sensitivity how confusing, how devastating, how frustrating, how emotionally upsetting it is for others with brain injuries.
Brain injuries, for the most part, remain hidden and the victim realizes he or she looks OK but maybe sounds strange or acts weird. Because those symptoms are socially unacceptable in today's culture, brain injured victims experience isolation. Oh, how she now understood their suffering. The words of Psalm 51 rang in her head.
Yes, she was able to recite words by memory but certainly those words meant something.
"Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."
Brain injured victims, whether from auto accidents, stroke, cancer, military action all need patience, understanding and, most important, God's love and abiding presence. She knew she would help them.
On December 11, 2012, she volunteered to speak to a local "brain-injured support group". She knew that she had to tell her story honestly and truthfully. That meant Jesus would be the main character in her story. She also realized that this 'group' was not a church group and many of these people probably did not know Jesus in a personal way. She knew that a secular culture wanted to keep 'religious' thinking out of the picture. How would her story be received? What would people think?
She remembered some verses from the book of Acts 4: 18-20. "So they (the chief priests, elders and scribes) called them (Peter and John) and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge; for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.""
Yes, she would tell her story! And so she did, speaking for 45 minutes. When she finished, the room was quiet. The social worker in charge then asked for general comments.
Slowly, ever so gently, people in the room began to respond. First one, then another, and soon there was an outpouring of personal testimonies of how God had been in their lives and helped them. A waterfall of God's love fell on that group of 32 suffering brain-injured victims that evening. This was proof that God had indeed heard her prayer of Psalm 51 back in January 2011. Yes, God had put a new and right spirit within her and restored the joy of her salvation. She rejoiced and praised God. She had trusted in God, had overcome her fear of presenting proof of Jesus' presence in her battle with cancer and look what happened! Oh God, You are indeed incredible!
She sat at the kitchen table of their condo in Holland, MI, speech therapist next to her. She sat upright struggling to look and sound intelligent. It was January, 2011 and she had been officially discharged from the hospital in Syracuse, NY the end of October. The trauma of brain cancer had affected her emotions so that she cried easily. Her thinking was difficult but seemed intact and she knew she had a long way to go before she would be able to function normally. It was so hard to think! In fact, it was exhausting!
But things were better every month, she concluded. Back in July, 2010, right after the brain biopsy when she was so very ill, she could only communicate in single words, partial phrases, sometimes barely a whisper. She would think the thought but could barely articulate the thought. How difficult that had been. She recalled how many times she was grateful for the patient, kind nursing staff who understood her limited speech. Maybe only a word, but they knew what she meant.
There were times she could not utter anything because her crying and sobbing overtook her. The doctors who stood asking her questions quietly left the room, their queries unanswered. How frustrating not to be able to communicate. That realization would bring more tears.
And now she had a new challenge. The speech therapist had come to the condo for several weeks now patiently working on her conversational speech. Obediently, she would sit in the chair using all her energies to concentrate on what the therapist was teaching. She remembered how last week she had fallen asleep even before the session was completed. It astounded her that merely thinking or listening intently to someone would be so taxing on her brain.
But now she wanted to push her brain to memorize something...anything! Somehow she thought that if she proved to herself she could memorize, then she would have proof she was getting better....that her brain was healing.
She opened her small Bible to Psalm 51. She cherished this Bible. It was pocket sized so she could easily slip it into her bag. It was light weight so that she could handle it with her left hand. True, the type was small but fortunately her eyesight was still excellent and not affected by the cancer. But, most importantly, Dick had given her this Bible for Christmas back in 1976. Yes, this small Bible was precious.
She now looked down to verses 10, 11, and 12 of Psalm 51. Familiar verses and meaningful verses.
"Can you help me?" she asked the therapist. "I so want to be able to say these verses when I'm lying there in the hospital bed. I go in for chemo again next week and I think they will help me."
Of course, she spoke hesitantly, painfully trying to communicating her desires.
The therapist immediately started working with her, slowly showing her the techniques. Together they patiently took phrase after phrase, repeating, establishing patterns and rhythms.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.
Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."
She fought against fatigue. She closed her eyes against any distractions. Oh, she wanted to do this so badly. She wanted to wake up her brain and call it into working again.
How easy it had always been for her to memorize. All the hundreds of concerts she had sung, memorizing every musical note and every lyric. All the musicals she had sung and acted where each speaking word and song she had performed perfectly. Even the various languages she had sung for recitals and oratorios. She knew she could memorize so why was it so difficult now?
The therapist interrupted her thoughts. "For this week, just memorize one line. Then next week we'll try another line."
"Thank you," she smiled. "Create in me a clean heart, O God..............." At last she was doing it! She was memorizing! Only a few words, but she could memorize!
And now, in 2013, she remembered that time and realized how far she had come. Her brain had healed, was still healing and she was grateful. She could now even give public presentations about her cancer communicating hope to victims of the dreaded disease. She also understood with tremendous sensitivity how confusing, how devastating, how frustrating, how emotionally upsetting it is for others with brain injuries.
Brain injuries, for the most part, remain hidden and the victim realizes he or she looks OK but maybe sounds strange or acts weird. Because those symptoms are socially unacceptable in today's culture, brain injured victims experience isolation. Oh, how she now understood their suffering. The words of Psalm 51 rang in her head.
Yes, she was able to recite words by memory but certainly those words meant something.
"Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."
Brain injured victims, whether from auto accidents, stroke, cancer, military action all need patience, understanding and, most important, God's love and abiding presence. She knew she would help them.
On December 11, 2012, she volunteered to speak to a local "brain-injured support group". She knew that she had to tell her story honestly and truthfully. That meant Jesus would be the main character in her story. She also realized that this 'group' was not a church group and many of these people probably did not know Jesus in a personal way. She knew that a secular culture wanted to keep 'religious' thinking out of the picture. How would her story be received? What would people think?
She remembered some verses from the book of Acts 4: 18-20. "So they (the chief priests, elders and scribes) called them (Peter and John) and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge; for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard.""
Yes, she would tell her story! And so she did, speaking for 45 minutes. When she finished, the room was quiet. The social worker in charge then asked for general comments.
Slowly, ever so gently, people in the room began to respond. First one, then another, and soon there was an outpouring of personal testimonies of how God had been in their lives and helped them. A waterfall of God's love fell on that group of 32 suffering brain-injured victims that evening. This was proof that God had indeed heard her prayer of Psalm 51 back in January 2011. Yes, God had put a new and right spirit within her and restored the joy of her salvation. She rejoiced and praised God. She had trusted in God, had overcome her fear of presenting proof of Jesus' presence in her battle with cancer and look what happened! Oh God, You are indeed incredible!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
More of my story......
by Janet Baird Weisiger
"How come you don't go to Florida in the winter? You and your husband are retired.....you have the time," a neighbor inquired.
She laughed. "I love winter! The snow is so beautiful."
Oh, how she enjoyed winter! The eighteen winters they had spent at their Canadian lake house, filled with adventure and challenges. Snow-shoeing, cross country skiing, ice skating all alone down their long bay on perfect black ice. The laughs they had, sledding like young kids on their hill, competing for the longest sled ride. Watching the deer nibble the lakeside cedar trees. Walking the long snow covered lane bordered by waist high snow banks left over from plowing. Relishing the silence in the wintry woods and identifying animal tracks in the new fallen snow.
"There's so much I've lost now that cancer has taken its toll on my body," she confided to a friend. She thought about the physical activity she had always enjoyed and could not do, especially now that it was mid-winter.
Her friend responded sensitively. "But think about what you have gained!"
Yes, she began to think over the long months of hospitalization, chemotherapy, physical and occupational therapy. She remembered the promise Jesus had given her that special night when He had said "You will be healed, BUT in My time frame". She remembered His appearing next to her bed in the hospital, His presence flooding her room with love and radiance so that even the nurses commented on the 'spiritual glow' in her room.
"Yes," she admitted without hesitation. "I have experienced intimacy with my Savior!"
Then she realized. That intimacy had come unannounced, unplanned and unexpectedly. Yes, she had gained a spiritual dimension that she hadn't even known was possible. She had teetered on the entrance to heaven and consequently had become completely dependent on her blessed Jesus.
There were frequent moments during her day when she cherished His presence. When her legs were stiff from sitting too long and she struggled to rise from her chair and walk, she would whisper His name and she would immediately feel His strength and presence lifting her up and energizing her. When she struggled to return to sleep at night, she would whisper familiar Bible verses and then experience His calming assurances so she could fall back to sleep. When she and Dick walked the daily 1/3 mile around the condos, she sometimes had to silently whisper His name to keep going and climb the last hill.
During those four long months at Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY while undergoing chemos, spinal taps, endless injections and blood tests, she had experienced His loving presence.
She remembered the night she prayed diligently for the other cancer patients on the unit, several of whom were crying out in confusion and agony that evening. She remembered the floor suddenly becoming quiet and peaceful. Then the nurse coming in her room and commenting how unexplainable that the turmoil amidst the patients had suddenly stopped. Oh, how she had praised and thanked the Lord!
She thought of Denise, the nurse's aide, who frequently was assigned to her care. They had many conversations about Jesus and Denise was always amazed at how much love was evident in her room. Denise, native American, shared how her grandmother had walked her entire family, including little children, across the Canadian border, because she wanted her family to have US citizenship. Then the day before her discharge Denise had come to her and told her something wonderful.
"I used to be close to God, but my life has been so rough, I've strayed away from Him," Denise said. "But knowing you and seeing your faith shine through your struggle with cancer has caused me to turn back to God."
Tears and hugs had followed that conversation. Yes, the intimacy which she had gained with Jesus overflowed onto other lives.
Even the night nurses had come to her and confided, "Your room is so different. I come in here and see your smiling face sleeping on your pillow at night and think there is something so peaceful and loving here. You have something special. I want that for myself."
How many of the nursing staff had come to talk with her and she had caressed their faces with her left hand and told them simply, "Jesus loves you". They then wept and left her room thankful and amazed.
Yes, it was true she had lost a lot....physically. But wasn't it more important to gain spiritually? She had gained a precious intimacy that overflowed to others, that carried her through all the challenging obstacles of her recovery and would never leave her.
Intimacy. What a personal, comforting, confidential word! The more she thought about it the more incredible the reality that she had found 'intimacy' with Jesus. He had come to her. He had come but she had been open. She had surrendered her life to Him decades ago but never experienced this closeness, this dependency. If this cancer hadn't hit, if she had not come close to death....would she have ever experienced this treasure? Then why had He come to her? Why had He spoken to her? Why had He empowered her with this intimacy? And then she knew.
She realized that she had an important assignment from our Lord Himself. She heard His voice prompting her. "Go tell others about My love for them. Go! I will be with you." She then realized everyone has the opportunity to enjoy 'intimacy' with Jesus if only they surrender and let Him take over their lives.
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
"How come you don't go to Florida in the winter? You and your husband are retired.....you have the time," a neighbor inquired.
She laughed. "I love winter! The snow is so beautiful."
Oh, how she enjoyed winter! The eighteen winters they had spent at their Canadian lake house, filled with adventure and challenges. Snow-shoeing, cross country skiing, ice skating all alone down their long bay on perfect black ice. The laughs they had, sledding like young kids on their hill, competing for the longest sled ride. Watching the deer nibble the lakeside cedar trees. Walking the long snow covered lane bordered by waist high snow banks left over from plowing. Relishing the silence in the wintry woods and identifying animal tracks in the new fallen snow.
"There's so much I've lost now that cancer has taken its toll on my body," she confided to a friend. She thought about the physical activity she had always enjoyed and could not do, especially now that it was mid-winter.
Her friend responded sensitively. "But think about what you have gained!"
Yes, she began to think over the long months of hospitalization, chemotherapy, physical and occupational therapy. She remembered the promise Jesus had given her that special night when He had said "You will be healed, BUT in My time frame". She remembered His appearing next to her bed in the hospital, His presence flooding her room with love and radiance so that even the nurses commented on the 'spiritual glow' in her room.
"Yes," she admitted without hesitation. "I have experienced intimacy with my Savior!"
Then she realized. That intimacy had come unannounced, unplanned and unexpectedly. Yes, she had gained a spiritual dimension that she hadn't even known was possible. She had teetered on the entrance to heaven and consequently had become completely dependent on her blessed Jesus.
There were frequent moments during her day when she cherished His presence. When her legs were stiff from sitting too long and she struggled to rise from her chair and walk, she would whisper His name and she would immediately feel His strength and presence lifting her up and energizing her. When she struggled to return to sleep at night, she would whisper familiar Bible verses and then experience His calming assurances so she could fall back to sleep. When she and Dick walked the daily 1/3 mile around the condos, she sometimes had to silently whisper His name to keep going and climb the last hill.
During those four long months at Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, NY while undergoing chemos, spinal taps, endless injections and blood tests, she had experienced His loving presence.
She remembered the night she prayed diligently for the other cancer patients on the unit, several of whom were crying out in confusion and agony that evening. She remembered the floor suddenly becoming quiet and peaceful. Then the nurse coming in her room and commenting how unexplainable that the turmoil amidst the patients had suddenly stopped. Oh, how she had praised and thanked the Lord!
She thought of Denise, the nurse's aide, who frequently was assigned to her care. They had many conversations about Jesus and Denise was always amazed at how much love was evident in her room. Denise, native American, shared how her grandmother had walked her entire family, including little children, across the Canadian border, because she wanted her family to have US citizenship. Then the day before her discharge Denise had come to her and told her something wonderful.
"I used to be close to God, but my life has been so rough, I've strayed away from Him," Denise said. "But knowing you and seeing your faith shine through your struggle with cancer has caused me to turn back to God."
Tears and hugs had followed that conversation. Yes, the intimacy which she had gained with Jesus overflowed onto other lives.
Even the night nurses had come to her and confided, "Your room is so different. I come in here and see your smiling face sleeping on your pillow at night and think there is something so peaceful and loving here. You have something special. I want that for myself."
How many of the nursing staff had come to talk with her and she had caressed their faces with her left hand and told them simply, "Jesus loves you". They then wept and left her room thankful and amazed.
Yes, it was true she had lost a lot....physically. But wasn't it more important to gain spiritually? She had gained a precious intimacy that overflowed to others, that carried her through all the challenging obstacles of her recovery and would never leave her.
Intimacy. What a personal, comforting, confidential word! The more she thought about it the more incredible the reality that she had found 'intimacy' with Jesus. He had come to her. He had come but she had been open. She had surrendered her life to Him decades ago but never experienced this closeness, this dependency. If this cancer hadn't hit, if she had not come close to death....would she have ever experienced this treasure? Then why had He come to her? Why had He spoken to her? Why had He empowered her with this intimacy? And then she knew.
She realized that she had an important assignment from our Lord Himself. She heard His voice prompting her. "Go tell others about My love for them. Go! I will be with you." She then realized everyone has the opportunity to enjoy 'intimacy' with Jesus if only they surrender and let Him take over their lives.
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
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