CHAPTER THREE
THE SHADOW OF DEATH
Ephesians 6:10-11
“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His
might. Put on the whole armor of God,
that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.”
I went to Glenn’s house to await
the return of the brain surgeon. This
was hard on Glenn and Stephanie. I knew
they loved me, but here I was, seriously ill, invading their home of four young
children. Thus began the worst week I
experienced in my illness.
I was getting weaker and weaker,
had trouble sleeping, and started suffering horrendous dreams and
nightmares. I also endured a few wild
headaches. The headaches were not grossly
painful but they were intensely disturbing.
My brain was in disarray! My
emotions, my feelings, my thinking, my peace and my equilibrium were all out of
balance. There was no normalcy.
I remember suffering through one
headache. It was ‘fuchsia’ in color.
This was grotesque! Instead of
appreciating and marveling at the magnificent color, I was repulsed!
Amidst all of the turmoil, news
came that Glenn had a job! After being
let go for a year and a half, his networking paid off. His new position even allowed him to stay in
Manlius. What a wonderful God! By staying in Manlius, NY which is 20 minutes
from Upstate Hospital in Syracuse, Glenn and his family could continue to visit
me with frequency and continue to provide overnight accommodations for Dick and
our daughters. Glenn leases shopping
centers and business dropped during the 2008 economic downtime. So, in the
midst of my health concerns, God had shown again His love.
All this reminded me not to
worry.
“Are not two sparrows sold for a
copper coin? And not one of them falls
to the ground apart from your Father’s will.
But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value
than many sparrows.”
Matthew 10: 29 – 31 NKJ
The most horrifying experience
that week was the spiritual battle. I
began to realize how real the spiritual world is. We usually ignore the presence of spiritual
realities close to us because we don’t see, hear or touch the spirit. It is amazing how tied we are to the physical
world. That’s because we live, breathe
and talk in the physical world. We read
in the scriptures about angels, the Holy Spirit, God and also about demons and
spiritual forces of evil but we tend to ignore them amidst the pressures and
timing of our physical world.
I now know that the spiritual
world is as close to us as the air we breathe.
And I’m talking of heavenly angels and the presence of Christ as well as
Satan and his demonic forces. Remember,
Paul warned us of the spiritual battles that loom around us in Ephesians 6:10 –
18.
“Put on the whole armor of God.
That you may stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and
blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the
darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly
places. Therefore take up the whole
armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having
done all, to stand.” NKJ
I experienced this battle first
hand.
I had terrible nightmares. One night I experienced a black, dark cloud
encompassing me. In the middle of that darkness, an evil, malevolent force,
Satan, was pulling me toward him. I felt
the dangerous presence of the Prince of Darkness trying to capture me. But at the same time I experienced the
reality of being held in the arms of a loving presence, Jesus, who gently, but
firmly protected me from Satan’s grasp.
These nightmares occurred frequently and with increasing severity. I would wake shaken and weak, knowing this
battle was going on.
At one point I even addressed
Satan, “Why do you want me? I’m not that important. Why are you fighting so much for me?”
I did not hear Satan speak, but
the warmth and security of Jesus convinced me I was safe.
Glenn later told me the family was
watching me die that week.
Glenn’s friend, Dr. Bob, visited
me at Glenn’s house. After a short time
with me, they went in another room where Dr. Bob told Glenn I was in a very
serious situation. Dr. Bob observed my
symptoms and concluded, without definitive brain biopsy conclusions, that I
indeed had brain cancer.
I struggled to speak, could not
sleep, had severe brain confusion, had difficulty walking and could not write
with my right hand. I cried a lot and
could not find a comfortable position to sleep.
One day, Maya, a friend of Glenn
and Stephanie, visited me. She is a
prayer warrior and had been told of my nightmares. She prayed over me with power. “In the name
of Jesus, we demand that Satan leave Janet alone!”
The nightmares stopped and I did
not experience further spiritual battles at that time. Praise the Lord! One of numerous workings of the Holy Spirit
in my life at that time.
While I was at Glenn and
Stephanie’s I had the privilege of having our dear friends, Bob and Sue visit
me. Bob is our pastor in Elgin,
Ontario. I was so moved that they drove
from Canada to visit me. Maya’s prayers
were powerful and Bob and Sue also prayed over me with intensity. Bob gently held me in his arms as I lay on
the sofa and sobbed. Bob prayed deeply, fervently and powerfully. The presence
of Jesus caressed and comforted me.
Glenn’s children were wonderful
that week. Since Dick and I stayed in
the guest bedroom suite, which is on the basement floor of their house, I was
confined to that level. Climbing those
stairs was so difficult for me plus everyone was afraid I would fall.
Every day Emily, in her sweet
caring attitude, came downstairs. “How
are you, Nana? Are you feeling
better?” Luke would hug me quietly. “I’m so glad you are with us, Nana.” Grace, the eldest, helped me by handing me a
glass of water or getting my blanket.
Sophie, ever the performer, sang her songs for me.
I worried that they would be
repulsed by my incapacities and my appearance but instead they seemed not to
notice and continued to show me love. In
that way I felt glad they were remembering their “Nana”.
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