Thorn in the flesh

Have you ever had a 'thorn in the flesh'?  A weird question, weird terminology but, of course, I'm quoting Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 12:7.  This phrase was brought to my attention recently and, yes, it spoke to me!

We have no concrete idea what Paul's 'thorn in the flesh' actually was, though there are many opinions.  But what is absolutely relevant is that we all have, to some degree, 'a thorn in the flesh'.... some physical ailment or condition that prevents us from functioning 100% every minute, every day. We pray to the Lord to take it away, we pray for absolute total healing, but in most cases we have to deal with this annoyance, this imperfection in our lives for a very long time.

So it is with me.  The CNS lymphoma did cause right-sided weakness in my body.  Even though the cancer is gone, even though I feel healthy, I retain this reminder of the whole cancer experience.  I've pleaded with the Lord continually over the past five years to please make me 100% whole again so I can walk 3 miles a day like I did 5 years ago with the Holland Striders and on our hilly lane in Canada.  True, I have experienced gradual strengthening in my right leg, but I still need the cane or Dick's arm.  And I do have some limited use of my right hand and arm but I can't play the piano (yet!) or write (yet!).

Then last week when I studied Paul's words I began to receive an answer.  First of all the problem is pride!  As Paul shares in the following verses, we all have a problem of pride!

2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

In all my years, prior to 2010, did I ever dream of being physically handicapped.  I prided myself in being physically active, able to accomplish heavy gardening, helping Dick with outside chores including logging, snow-blowing and enjoying winter sports including x- country skiing, ice skating and sledding.  When I looked on seniors struggling with canes and walkers, I remember thinking, "Thank goodness, that's not me!".

Yet here I am, facilitating my walking with a common black cane and struggling to open public doors with my left hand.  Yes, my pride is effected!  Here I am, a woman who always prides herself on 'looking right'....with hair just so, makeup applied, clothes updated...and yet I struggle to hang my right arm down in a 'normal' position.  Talk about pride!

Now Paul's words speak to me.  Essentially I realize that the Lord is made perfect in my weakness.  In fact, my physical condition opens up conversations!  When I fully began to comprehend my miraculous healing from cancer I cried out to the Lord, "Praise Your Name, you have healed me for a great purpose.  What do You want me to do, Lord?"  His answer continues to be "Tell them how much I love them!"

Therefore, whenever I get the chance I tell people my story.  Not that I am boasting about my healing but I tell people how real Jesus is and how much He loves every human being who has ever lived, is living and will live on this planet.  Sometimes it's just a few words, sometimes it's a long public presentation.  But when I speak, people see my right-sided weakness which proves I had a lethal, aggressive cancer. When I tell people I was given only 7 weeks to live back in July, 2010, they now see proof that Jesus miraculously cured me. And they listen!

Yes, I still pray the Lord will continue my healing process, yes, I still pray my right arm and leg will continue to strengthen...but....now I rest and delight in my weaknesses because I know that the Lord is working in me to accomplish His purposes.  "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."